I've been reading everyone's New Year posts across the blog-o-sphere and via Facebook for several days now and thinking about my own approach to this latest of New Year's. For some reason I've felt some apprehension to 2012 in the last two weeks mixed in with some disbelief that we're this far along already into the 2000's. I find my apprehension to the new year ironic, as many of those who surround me are most hopeful and excited for this newest year. I definitely hope this year brings much fulfillment, peace, and joy to all of those that I love....and really all people the world over, but for some reason I can't help but wildly wonder if 2012 really might bring the zombies out and the end of it all. I guess all I can do is live it to it's fullest and not hold back.....even though not holding back frequently gets me in trouble. ;)
New Years Eve was rang in with much joy surrounded by some of my extended family including my incredibly fun aunt, my brother & his wife, a young soldier visiting from New Orleans, my Canadian friends, and hub. We were quite the mixed bunch but it seriously was one of the most fun NYEs I've had---top five all around even if it couldn't beat out New Orleans last year. Before heading to my aunt's, the soldier, hub, bro & SIL, Canadians, and I went to this incredibly Portland-funky restaurant that serves French fusion/Cajun food. It's where hub & I always take our out-of-town guests to thoroughly expose them to the fun & weirdness of Portland, get some great mixed drinks, and eat some decent grub. The food seems to be hit or miss, and it was pretty entertaining hearing the soldier from New Orleans relate that this "Cajun" food tasted like Chinese food to him. ;) Haha--loved it!
Hub & I weren't sure we'd find anything fun for New Years this year, so it was great that it turned into such a good time, even if my own actions led to an actual first day of the New Year full of frustration and annoyance as thoughts tumbled through my mind. I've spent the day in introspection and I'm hopeful that this means that the rest of the year can only get better! ;) (Although I'm sure just writing those sentences might be like foot in mouth yet again.)
What part of this introspection led me to though is that I am so thankful for many of our blessings, especially for hub's and my friends. I feel incredibly fortunate and blessed that we were able to see so many of our nearest and dearest this holiday season. Starting in November with hub's friend's visit to our house here in Portland and my friend who visited from San Fran, navigating through all of our hometown friends who really are our family, and ending with the New Year's visit from one of my favorite buddy's and his girlfriend (which he's not really Canadian, but she is and he's been there for 8 years so I just link him into it too!). We had so many great moments with our visitors and those that we visited from dinners out, to beach afternoons, to Christmas lights and parties, and to just plain old conversations on couches. Most of these are people we've known since high school. People who have seen us at our best, our worst, all the moments in between, and at times have "taken us in" when the rest of the world pushed us out.
I'm also feeling an immense amount of gratitude for hub, who I more than frequently take for granted. I've mentioned before I'm not easy to live with and I've also mentioned that I frequently navigate between periods of my life of being the B-word and being an incredibly empathetic person. Somehow this man I'm married to continues to put up with me and my daily complaints. Lord knows neither of us are perfect, but I'm much less likely to point out my own faults than his. So here it is I'm putting it in writing, no matter how much he might hate it should he stumble upon it, I'm incredibly proud of the man my husband is now and fortunate that for all the rocky moments that have existed, we've continued to walk forward together. He might never know just how much he extends the hidden elements of myself and for all my harrumphing, he's exactly what I need in a partner and in my daily life. God knew what He was doing when He brought us together, even in the moments that we've doubted that knowledge. The last week or two have only further reminded me of the extra fun and love that hub brings to my life, and how much he and I with our crazy fur crew compose our family unit. I so appreciate his humor, his perseverance, his heart, his strength, his opinions, and most of all his patience. He's continually making me into a different woman than I was, but I also see how our being together has made him into a different man. I have no clue where this marriage and life might take us, but I'm incredibly hopeful that it includes many more supportive, true, and yet humorous moments together.
My thoughts of the day and of the New Year also led me to think about what all this year will and can hold. I feel a resolve to truly embrace and demonstrate who I am. I see this occurring more so within my teaching as I share more of myself and my own thoughts on public health with my students and I see it occurring as I share more of myself on this blog, but I'm also being reminded that there are so many other areas where I'm failing to really bang my drum. I need to stop being afraid of being who I am in this moment of life and time, and to instead embrace her with all her flaws. Although I recognize that sometimes embracing who one is at one point in time can in turn push others away. (Case in point: the happiest year of my life I passed time with some sketchier people through the eyes of some of the others in my life, while I learned more from those friends than I did during many other years of my life, I also lost a few other friends based on who I was associating with---judgment will always be passed and disassociation will always occur....and at times I will also be the one engaging in both of those behaviors.)
So that being said, I want this year to be a year of.....wait for it......simple authenticity. ;) A year of being me and letting others see exactly who that is. A year of embracing and relishing turning 30. A year of re-alignment in jobs. A year of trying to see a bit more of my sister.....and being kinder to my mother. A year of honoring my family: my husband....and my parents. A year of distancing from other individuals and environments. A year of praying more and maybe complaining less. A year of caring for our fellow stranger. A year of love for my friends and trying my darnest to visit two of my dearest out of staters and road trippin' with my high school gals. A year of P90X, summer time hikes, and lots of doggie cuddles. A year of good wine, good coffee, and good brew celebrated over good food and with good people. A year of bucking expectations placed upon hub & I and living true to our own values and means rather than the way others might wish. A year of trying to be a better person but accepting whoever and wherever I am. A year of gratitude and faith in whats to come. A year to prepare and hope for the future. A year of honesty. And a year of forgiving myself if absolutely none of it is achieved. :)
Because truly it might be a New Year but in the good ol' lyrics of Faith Hill:
"Me
That's all I have to give
What you get is what you see, yeah
No second guessing, no pretending
With you, all I ever have to be is me
All I ever need to be, oh yeah
All I ever have to be is me"
Here's to a great, authentic, and fulfilling New Year for you and yours!
New Years Eve was rang in with much joy surrounded by some of my extended family including my incredibly fun aunt, my brother & his wife, a young soldier visiting from New Orleans, my Canadian friends, and hub. We were quite the mixed bunch but it seriously was one of the most fun NYEs I've had---top five all around even if it couldn't beat out New Orleans last year. Before heading to my aunt's, the soldier, hub, bro & SIL, Canadians, and I went to this incredibly Portland-funky restaurant that serves French fusion/Cajun food. It's where hub & I always take our out-of-town guests to thoroughly expose them to the fun & weirdness of Portland, get some great mixed drinks, and eat some decent grub. The food seems to be hit or miss, and it was pretty entertaining hearing the soldier from New Orleans relate that this "Cajun" food tasted like Chinese food to him. ;) Haha--loved it!
Hub & I weren't sure we'd find anything fun for New Years this year, so it was great that it turned into such a good time, even if my own actions led to an actual first day of the New Year full of frustration and annoyance as thoughts tumbled through my mind. I've spent the day in introspection and I'm hopeful that this means that the rest of the year can only get better! ;) (Although I'm sure just writing those sentences might be like foot in mouth yet again.)
What part of this introspection led me to though is that I am so thankful for many of our blessings, especially for hub's and my friends. I feel incredibly fortunate and blessed that we were able to see so many of our nearest and dearest this holiday season. Starting in November with hub's friend's visit to our house here in Portland and my friend who visited from San Fran, navigating through all of our hometown friends who really are our family, and ending with the New Year's visit from one of my favorite buddy's and his girlfriend (which he's not really Canadian, but she is and he's been there for 8 years so I just link him into it too!). We had so many great moments with our visitors and those that we visited from dinners out, to beach afternoons, to Christmas lights and parties, and to just plain old conversations on couches. Most of these are people we've known since high school. People who have seen us at our best, our worst, all the moments in between, and at times have "taken us in" when the rest of the world pushed us out.
I'm also feeling an immense amount of gratitude for hub, who I more than frequently take for granted. I've mentioned before I'm not easy to live with and I've also mentioned that I frequently navigate between periods of my life of being the B-word and being an incredibly empathetic person. Somehow this man I'm married to continues to put up with me and my daily complaints. Lord knows neither of us are perfect, but I'm much less likely to point out my own faults than his. So here it is I'm putting it in writing, no matter how much he might hate it should he stumble upon it, I'm incredibly proud of the man my husband is now and fortunate that for all the rocky moments that have existed, we've continued to walk forward together. He might never know just how much he extends the hidden elements of myself and for all my harrumphing, he's exactly what I need in a partner and in my daily life. God knew what He was doing when He brought us together, even in the moments that we've doubted that knowledge. The last week or two have only further reminded me of the extra fun and love that hub brings to my life, and how much he and I with our crazy fur crew compose our family unit. I so appreciate his humor, his perseverance, his heart, his strength, his opinions, and most of all his patience. He's continually making me into a different woman than I was, but I also see how our being together has made him into a different man. I have no clue where this marriage and life might take us, but I'm incredibly hopeful that it includes many more supportive, true, and yet humorous moments together.
My thoughts of the day and of the New Year also led me to think about what all this year will and can hold. I feel a resolve to truly embrace and demonstrate who I am. I see this occurring more so within my teaching as I share more of myself and my own thoughts on public health with my students and I see it occurring as I share more of myself on this blog, but I'm also being reminded that there are so many other areas where I'm failing to really bang my drum. I need to stop being afraid of being who I am in this moment of life and time, and to instead embrace her with all her flaws. Although I recognize that sometimes embracing who one is at one point in time can in turn push others away. (Case in point: the happiest year of my life I passed time with some sketchier people through the eyes of some of the others in my life, while I learned more from those friends than I did during many other years of my life, I also lost a few other friends based on who I was associating with---judgment will always be passed and disassociation will always occur....and at times I will also be the one engaging in both of those behaviors.)
So that being said, I want this year to be a year of.....wait for it......simple authenticity. ;) A year of being me and letting others see exactly who that is. A year of embracing and relishing turning 30. A year of re-alignment in jobs. A year of trying to see a bit more of my sister.....and being kinder to my mother. A year of honoring my family: my husband....and my parents. A year of distancing from other individuals and environments. A year of praying more and maybe complaining less. A year of caring for our fellow stranger. A year of love for my friends and trying my darnest to visit two of my dearest out of staters and road trippin' with my high school gals. A year of P90X, summer time hikes, and lots of doggie cuddles. A year of good wine, good coffee, and good brew celebrated over good food and with good people. A year of bucking expectations placed upon hub & I and living true to our own values and means rather than the way others might wish. A year of trying to be a better person but accepting whoever and wherever I am. A year of gratitude and faith in whats to come. A year to prepare and hope for the future. A year of honesty. And a year of forgiving myself if absolutely none of it is achieved. :)
Because truly it might be a New Year but in the good ol' lyrics of Faith Hill:
"Me
That's all I have to give
What you get is what you see, yeah
No second guessing, no pretending
With you, all I ever have to be is me
All I ever need to be, oh yeah
All I ever have to be is me"
Here's to a great, authentic, and fulfilling New Year for you and yours!
2 comments:
AWESOME! I have felt the same apprehension to 2012, it doesn't help with some of the documentaries I watch and blogs that I read :-) This past year for me has been completely insane, and to sit down and actually remember all that has happened, and how much I have changed is kind of crazy. Have you heard of simplemom.net? She has reflection questions and questions for the new year that really helped me get a handle on everything. You can find them as downloads here http://simplemom.net/tools/downloads/ Obviously, the mama questions aren't applicable, but there is a lot more other types of questions :-) Good luck to you in the new year!
Heather, I've looked at her blog a few times but hadn't seen those. I'll have to check it out again. :) Happy New Year to you too!
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