Confessional: The Telephone Has Been a #1 Hate Relationship

While I've hinted at this numerous other times, tonight I'm just coming out and saying it: Talking ON the phone has been an awkward and difficult event for me throughout the last ten years. Now hear this: I'm attempting a goal to work on this hate relationship.

Ironically, back in the days of ol' high school, the phone was forever attached to my ear. I'd yak at whatever long term boyfriend I had at the time for hours on end and then I might yak at a gal pal or two to discuss just what was said between the boyfriend and me. Oh the days.....and what a waste of time and youthful energy!

I'm pretty sure it comes down to two things that established my hate relationship with the phone. 1) Pay usage. 2) The rise of the internet. And okay, I lied...there's a third, the rise of the unlimited text message....but this came much later.

My first experience with real pay usage occurred during a year spent studying abroad in Argentina. It cost per minute for me to make local calls and it was an arm & leg on both ends for me to talk to my family at home in the United States. Since I didn't want to pay to use the phone, I instead relied on the internet and rise of email (two thumbs up to internet cafes!) to keep in touch with family and friends back in the States. In all truth, I talked to my parents three times on the phone that year and I made one other call to a good buddy of mine as well.

My use of the internet as my main means of connection continued when I was in college, as that's how I continued to check in with family and friends. My freshman college roommate talked to her mom daily on the phone, but I still just checked in with Dad via email for the most part. By this point, I had my first cell phone, but even when I had a long-distance college boyfriend I was incredibly vigilant of how many minutes I had available and how many had been used.  And I also remember late night conversations staying on the phone even though I really didn't want to---somehow my year abroad had erased any desire to "waste time" chatting. The beauty of the internet is that you can say what you need to say (and sometimes what you can't say in person or via the phone) and allow the person to respond when it's convenient for them.

So I suppose I should also call this my ode to two people: my gal Nancy (who is also an avid blog reader but just never comments!) and Granny, as they've put up with my phone awkwardness and left me with the reality that a phone call can be a positive relationship builder. I should also give a shout-out to hub at this point in my confessional as well, although hopefully this will be one post he overlooks in his reading. ;) Anyone that knows hub and I knows that the first 6 months of our relationship/marriage we were constantly attached to our phones as we weren't located in the same state. You generally could find us either engaging in non-stop texting (hence my introduction to the need for unlimited texting and here I offer a big shout out of apology to my dearest friends who put up with this at the time....) and/or a nightly phone call when hub wasn't working. Hub always liked to check in before we went to sleep and even though talking on the phone wasn't always my favorite, I went along with it to keep our communication and connection going. (Although much in his favor, he did also introduce me to the webcam which I liked much better than the phone, but now always find awkward to use with most other people.....)

But anyway...back to my gal and granny. During my 1.5-2 years in Louisiana, my gal and granny were my most regular phone communicators back home and whether any of us realized it at the time, the consistent communication that I had with both of them got me through some pretty hard and lonely moments. Now I'm not going to say that it was always easy for them to get me on the phone, but what I will say is that more than anyone else they both made sure that phone communication happened. My gal always checked in via text to see when I might be available but the monthly-to-every-six-weeks phone conversation forced me to talk about my reality honestly while also brought me back into the other world that I'd left behind of a good friend, professional development, and conversations about incredibly serious subjects. Even though our conversations were about the beauty and frustrations of our daily realities, she got me through and focused on something else in more way than one. With Granny, not talking to her on the phone was never an option, as she wouldn't have had it any other way. My move to the south was difficult for her as she'd gotten used to my steady visits and companionship, so throughout my time in Louisiana I knew the expectation existed that I would talk to her on the phone every week or at least twice a month. Even now when I argue that she gets to see me at least every other week, she gives me a hard time that now that I live in Oregon she technically hears from me less. ;)

But throughout this week and last...I've been thinking of how important those phone conversations were to me. As much as I like the fact that I can quickly find out what I need to know via a text message rather a conversation, there is something to be said for the importance in actually letting someone know that you care by making an actual call. And I actually might argue that in some ways my relationships were more meaningful with many of my friends before text messaging and facebook, when we only had phone calls or a real email to maintain communication. So I'm hoping to bring back the phone call. Now don't worry, I'm not going to get all crazy and call all of y'all up all the time, but I AM going to make it a goal to actually a) communicate more by phone calls and b) to check in more with people to actually let them know that I care. I find myself missing the real details of people's lives.

I don't expect to ever love talking on the phone again, but I also can say that in the last week I've chatted on the phone twice with my gal and seriously got more out of it than I ever would have via text message. Although my apologies to her and all others as I do have serious awkwardness with starting and ending phone calls ie a) I never give a proper introduction but instead launch into my string of thoughts that led me to calling without the proper how are you? etc and b) I have a horrible habit of just deciding I'm done talking and ending the conversation. Case in point: today I suddenly realized late conversation that I stunk from my evening run with the hub so instead of appropriately getting to a goodbye point with my gal, I just interjected "Hey, I smell, I need to shower." Great right? Even hub laughed and told me I'm horribly awkward at getting off the phone.

So what do you say though? Care to actually use those monthly cell phone minutes with me and let people know that you care? :)

Steady Happiness

Happiness....one of many of my lecture topics during this last week. Happiness: a state of being we are so frequently pursuing and relishing in our daily lives. Happiness: an emotion, a meaning, a connection, and achievement. And finally....after a two year rocky start where happiness was experienced yet hard to maintain, we're finally landing in a period of steady joy....and it's a pretty great place to be. I'm not sure if it's the change in housing, social support, recreation, family, resources, jobs, freedom, or a mix of those and many others....but whatever the cause, I'm definitely glad that it's arrived. We're experiencing joy in the big and lil moments of life lately:

--A spontaneous trip to the family beach house finally exposing the dogs to the ocean. Roaring fires in the wood stove, replacement shopping at the outlets (hub has lost quite a bit of weight off his 6'4" frame leading to a need for better fitting clothes), a drizzly run along the beach, and breakfast at the quaint lil bakery in town.

--Arriving last evening at Granny's for a dinner with Dad and my brother and his wife. We arrived in time to help Granny prepare the meal and hub refilled some of her kitchen supplies. We had a great time chatting with and enjoying some of the fam, while the dogs snoozed peacefully in the truck.

--On Thursday my old high school buddy and his wife welcomed their second child into this world; a beautiful baby girl. While I didn't get to see them just yet, I did have a chance to run a blooming plant up to their hospital room while delivery was happening. Something that they can hopefully plant in their yard to enjoy while they watch their little one grow.

--The cats have started bringing us presents which luckily they have left outside the cat door on the garage stoop. Thursday morning we had a 3-4 inch mouse and this morning we woke to find a decent sized squirrel! Who knew cats could catch squirrels?!

--Hub received a phone call yesterday letting us know that he did get accepted into his other choice college. Now he has the opportunity to weigh his options.

--The tulips (my favorite!) are blooming!! And we've been able to spend some more time in the yard. The big compost bin is set up and we've started dumping scraps into it. More bushes have been removed, other bushes have been trimmed, the grass was reseeded in parts, more mulch has been shuffled around, and I bought some starts!

 (Blue bells and tulips!)

(Bushes ripped out on either side of gate. Climbing roses will be moved to those locations. Bed to left will be regrassed.)

--Lectures this last week went well and I'm adhering to a better work schedule, which makes work much easier to contain to a few days and parking much easier to find on campus. (Unfortunately public transport is not a good option for this term at least.) First pay check arrived and I'm feeling fortunate to know I have a course lined up for this summer.

--Hub found a great TV console off craigslist that completes the family room look. Wires are put away.

--We spent an evening at the Blazer game and I have never seen hub look so much like a kid on Christmas! It was the last home game of the season and while I always have mixed thoughts about professional sports, the joy from hub was contagious and it was so great to see him so happy and enjoying himself---definitely made the evening a memorable and fun one! And now the Blazers are off to the play-offs.

--And now I'm off to honor a great mentor of mine: my undergrad college advisor who is retiring. Mr Gallegos inspired me beyond words, pushed me toward an achievable future, and never failed to supply me with letters of recommendation for all my many scholarship and grad school applications. He was almost always a joy to be around, was amazingly passionate about social justice, and created and upheld the social work department's objectives at all times. After his retirement party, I'm headed to dinner with my gal (also a grad from the program and my dear friend who is getting married this fall) to finally catch up some more and then off to listen to a Michael Pollan event hosted at my undergrad institution.

These are some of the perks of late, but there are many more wonderful moments as well. We both recognize that this period of time of less work, more play will probably be full of moments that we look back on with fondness as at some point more work and less play is likely to occur. But for now we'll relish these moments and continue to look forward to more happiness in the future.

It's Been an Interesting Day

You know the day might be starting out sort of strange when you wake up to a text message informing you that one of your former clients is on trial for murder  of an innocent individual.....and as much as I know that there is no excuse for murder, somehow my heart breaks for both the victim and the perpetrator. As I read some of the details of what had become of this client throughout the last few months upon her transition back to her home state, I couldn't help but become saddened especially when I remember how hopeful she'd been about her future....

Further news headings only left me more saddened by what's going on in the world as I read about the continued devastation in Japan, especially with the impeding snow in some areas, the continued lack of water, and now the horribleness of melt downs and explosions with the nuclear reactors.

In a family conversation this last weekend, my sister shared how someone pointed out during her recent trip to Africa that truly we in the USA are all rich compared to most Africans....this is something that the hub and I discussed further throughout this last week.....

Thus the events brought to my attention at the start of today only left me further thinking about how much so many of us have and how much so many of us take for granted....and it's left me wanting to complain and worry less....and to attempt to appreciate that which we do have even more....

--So today I enjoyed picking up and vacuuming my home, because at least I have a wonderful new rental to call home....
--I enjoyed an afternoon visit with my cousin and got in touch with several others who I need and want to see now that we've pretty well settled.....and felt fortunate for the individuals who I have in my life already....
--I picked up part of the backyard and started to think about the garden...and I didn't even mind the moments when the rain came down on me.....because at least I know that my rain is clean (for the most part) and that I am so fortunate to have this yard for my dogs to roam and the space to plant and garden....
--I enjoyed running an errand with the hub, I put in a call to my Granny, and I felt overjoyed when the cat that we thought had gone missing....hopped over the fence and into our home.....as I know that my routine is something that is so frequently taken for granted....

So while the morning may have started out somewhat depressing, sometimes those moments are the ones we need to kick us in the butt in appreciation of what we have, to do more to help others that we can assist, and to pray even harder for all those situations of which we have absolutely no power over....

May each of you appreciate the gifts of your todays, extend a hand to those that you can, and send some positive energy or a prayer toward a better society and world should your heart so desire......here's to you and yours!

Pillow Talk

So last night we had one of those conversations that really are every once in a blue moon around here...the ones that you have oh so frequently when you're newly in love with your head on the pillow or sitting in a coffee shop surrounded by your philosophical loving cronies, the type of conversation that leads you toward examining life, explaining and questioning concepts, and asking about what you want out of the bigger picture......which is exactly what the hub has been pushing me to reflect on throughout the last month.

It's amazing how quickly this gal went from being someone who never stopped thinking/dreaming/examining/wanting to talk about the big philosophical statements of life to being one who had to force herself to re-examine the big picture and take some time to ask the big questions all over again. Somehow this role, this (military wife) life has made me realize how easily one can deny themselves in order to aim for a larger picture of happiness or maybe status quo. Sometimes we end up having to put some of our tendencies on the back burner but that's not always a bad thing.......and everything in life teaches us something else toward the next step.

So after a week of more "deep" thoughts than normal, I finally started talking last night about some of the realizations that I've had lately....

A recurring thought of mine in my teens was that I just wanted to aim for being average. After being pushed through the educational experience as an intelligent female encouraged to achieve, achieve, achieve (educationally and professionally)....somehow deep down I knew that middle ground is where I wanted to end up. I realize that compared to many throughout this nation and the world, I have had amazing opportunities available to me...even though hard work and commitment were always required and I don't know that I would say that "opportunity" was ever just handed to me on a silver plate (even though in the bigger picture, I imagine that it was....). When I first started embarking on a re-examination of my life priorities in my early twenties, I recognized how my desire for average and lack of materialist tendency (especially in comparison to many of my peers and the US society as a whole) coincided nicely with the values and philosophy of the simple living movement.

NOW what I've also realized this last week is that...I sort of feel a sense of settling or maybe even completion. Sure, I still have things that I'd like to do in life, some more than others of course, and some that it's okay if they never happen. But in the larger picture, I already feel like I've had the opportunity to see, do, and achieve... I'm a couple years shy of 30 and I've already been able to live and/or travel on 4 continents, to complete three degrees, to travel throughout 75% of my nation, to recognize my body's ability to physically go where I never thought it could, and to interact and help individuals from all walks of life.

Thus at this point, I feel myself already having "achieved." I feel less of a desire for achievement of personal goals and am wondering more again about enjoyment. And I'm not talking enjoyment in that sense of waste of resources enjoyment, and maybe more of it is wondering about how to increase enjoyment for others.....

Ironically one thing that I have come to enjoy while being here is the one thing that I never expected to really enjoy....and that is work aka in the form of a full-time job. Sure, all things considered I'd probably enjoy a lil bit under full-time, but at this point I feel fortunate to work and to work in a position that actually brings me: enjoyment. (And truthfully, it'll be a while before any amount of work pays off those half-a-mortgage size graduate school loans....)

Doubly ironically, my realization of this focus not on achievement, happens to be when the hub needs to most focus on achieving....which hopefully will turn into a win-win situation, a sort of needed balancing act I suppose.

So while I don't have all the answers and maybe this is all a round about way of getting me back to Square One of simplicity and appreciation.....it's sort of nice to be moving back into a stage of deeper thinking, evaluating, (hopefully) increased giving, and maybe even a bit more life enjoying...

But then again, maybe I need to just stop asking "what's next?"

Balanced Re-Integration

So one thing on my mind a lot these days is how to re-integrate ourselves into our social circles back home. Anyone who has followed this blog for a while, has some knowledge that most of the hub's and my married life has been spent together here in Louisiana and that our separate families and friends have had limited exposure to the other half of our couple. Aka he has yet to meet a good chunk of my friends and family and vice versa. While we know that everyone back home is looking forward to getting more time with us, we also don't want to be overwhelmed by social obligations straight from the get go. There are quite a few things that we want to do for ourselves upon getting back and so while it may seem selfish to some, a good chunk of time may be spent initially just trying to get ourselves settled and do the things we've been wanting to do rather than jump straight back into how things were socially before relocating. We're going to want and need time to get settled and unpack, time to lesson plan and get my upcoming term in order, and time and space to take the trips to the coast, to the mountains, and the hub's week long hike that have been calling us throughout the last year.

In truth, the hub has really only been back in Oregon for maybe 60 days total throughout the last 5 years, and I personally think it's important for him to have some time to enjoy and process the change from the military back into a "regular" lifestyle. We also have gotten really good at being the other person's entertainment and social support, and while we definitely do hang out with other people, I don't know that we're as used to hanging out with a whole LOT of people nor used to having a steady stream of social engagements.  Now that being said, I'm sure we're going to re-integrate fine and I'm looking forward to being able to get together with family and my old coworkers and friends. It's going to be fun to participate in family parties, make the drive to see Granny on a regular basis, and help my gal plan her wedding---there are going to be a lot of perks to returning! But I also know that we're probably going to take some of the social integration at a slower pace than others.

We're not even back yet and the calendar is already spattered with things to attend throughout the next two months, so I don't think it's going to be that hard to keep busy and our minds a bit more engaged than they have been here. But I also am a strong proponent of having low key moments interspersed amongst those busier ones. Moments to plant, moments to play, moments to grade assignments, and moments to just relish being back in Oregon together lounging about alone in our rental home. A bit of re-integration balance is all it takes ;)

Beautiful Morning

It's amazing how much good news can change one's entire demeanor toward the upcoming days. And today of all days is that magical and commercialized day of Valentine's Day. No need to discuss hub's and my outlook toward prefabricated Hallmark events again however, it's a beautiful day!

Today I intended to wake up slow and in a sense I did. While the rest of the world has been running around about its Monday, I have the blissful opportunity to relish my cup of coffee and toast smothered in butter and jam while listening to my favorite tunes and wake up slowly and lovely this morning. I'm reporting to work about 11am and in a few minutes the hub should be home from his night out in the field working. The dogs are always thrilled to have their owners around any extra moments and today they'll doubly benefit from my late morning and the hub being home to sleep off the night--no kenneling today!

Sunlight has been streaming through the windows, there's a slight breeze swaying the trees behind our home, and the air is that type that although slightly chilled has the excitement of a spring oh so close around the corner.  My daffodils have been peeking their leaves out of the front beds for the last week, albeit hesitantly due to the chilly nights we've been having.

And today is Valentine's Day....a day when many around our nation (and maybe even the world) will focus their presence and desire on the one they love. And I can't help but wonder what would happen if that energy and feeling could be shared with EVERY one throughout every single day. I'm pretty sure if we all infiltrated a little more love, excitement, and energy into our interactions with others....the world would be a much better place indeed.

So here's to a beautiful morning and to what will hopefully continue to be a beautiful day....and one through which I can keep my love toward my fellow human at the forefront of my actions and thoughts.

Sending love....and prayers....in your direction!

Take a Few Hours to Understand the Experience

So....(How many of my posts seem to start with this word anymore?!)

I never intended to write many posts about the military and I'm still holding most my final thoughts until after we are no longer active duty....but since the military is what surrounds me, is what currently defines my husband's life, and is part of the institution that employs me, then I'm sure you can imagine that much of what I think about is, well, the military.

I come from an area of this nation where most individuals are opposed to us being at war, but I don't ever feel that any of my friends or family are ever opposed to the soldiers themselves that are over there fighting. I like to believe, that for the most part, the nation does stand beside these men and women who are fighting and who are continuously putting their lives in harms way.

Now anyone who has been a long-time reader here probably knows that I have a mixed bag of opinions on the military, "defense" spending, the lack of services available to soldiers after separation, etc etc. I will whole-heartedly reiterate that I completely believe in my current job, however, and I feel honored to have the experience to interact with such a diverse group of individuals on a daily basis.

One thing that I think we as a society often struggle with is a sense of what it's like to be fighting in this current war. In all honesty, I was under the impression before coming here that we technically weren't at war anymore...but at this point, I can't remember if that was due to the media or a governmental decree or what. What I can tell you is that the military definitely believes that we are still at war and are active participants in Operation Enduring Freedom.

I don't feel that any of the media we see truly documents what the current deployment experience is like however, not that I would know exactly what that experience is or could be like. What I can tell you and urge of you is that you might seek out a recent documentary that my husband and I viewed on the National Geographic Channel. It's called RESTREPO, selected based on the name of an out posting built by a platoon (approximately 30-40 soldiers assigned to more or less the same duties and location) in memory of one of their fallen.

This documentary gave me my first glance at what the actual mountainous terrain of Afghanistan looks like. It exposed me to what an ambush scenario feels like, what it's like to be constantly exposed, raw, and potentially always in fear. It showed me how at times the leadership might lack, that the men bond and form a brotherhood in spite of personality and background differences, and it showed me how difficult it can be to be a soldier and yet need an opportunity to grieve. It gave me a snap shot of the experience that most of the infantry soldiers face and are currently facing, left me applauding the interviewed soldiers for their honesty amid the difficulty of sharing such innermost thoughts and feelings, and left me with an aching heart for these soldiers I serve on a daily basis and for those who have already separated and are attempting to integrate back into a world of civilians who for the most part have a limited understanding of their experience.

If you have the opportunity, please take the time to try to  understand this experience and view the film. This link: http://restrepothemovie.com/ will provide you with an overview and the film itself might increase your perspective. You'll probably walk away with new insights but you might also walk away with a stronger argument for some of your previously held beliefs. Regardless, I always think its worthwhile to attempt to understand another human's experience and to gain a better, more honest picture of what is going on in other areas of this world.

If you are in the US and a Netflix user, the film is able to be delivered via DVD although its not yet instant. And I can tell you via the soldier who sat along my side and from commentary from other wives, this film is a vivid snapshot of reality.

(Although a word of caution, you will hear the F bomb dropped consistently and this film is not suitable for children....)

It's Not About Me

So today for the second time in the last few weeks, I found myself annoyed with.....me. Because you see, lately (ahem maybe the last year...two years.....) it feels like this life is all about....me. So many sentences start with I, so many sentences focus on I, so many thoughts start and focus on I.....and really it's pretty tiring all this I, I, I all the time. Because truthfully, this life, well it's not about me. In the big scheme of things, my life is one little dot on the map and really there's not much missing from this life. Some of those big thoughts I mentioned in a previous post pertained to the disconnect that exists at times between our expectations of life and what the reality of our moments really can be at times. Its so easy to become upset with everything we DO have because it doesn't always compare to what we thought we might be getting.  Well, I hate to break it to myself, but there's not much for this gal to be complaining about.....

SO much gets taken for granted or still desired, when there are many others who could benefit from simple generosity. Part of the reason for my initial attraction to a life of simplicity was due to the lack of acquisition and due to the old standby statement of "living simply so that others may simply live." Rather than wasting money and resources, life took on a new meaning of being purposeful and mindful about purchases and how to greater bless the lives of others. While part of that mentality still exists, much has been lost in the last several months/couple years. While personal life has headed in lots of new directions, there still is ample room for generosity and mindfulness to prevail and for less of a focus on myself.

In thinking about how my selfish nature has evolved, somehow this song continues to enter my mind. The reality is the most settled life has ever been is when I felt most aligned with walking in the faith of Christian values which are pretty similar to those of living a life of simplicity. When my thoughts and focus goes back to the "heart of the matter" then its truly not about me anymore, but rather how I can be a vessel to demonstrate love, generosity, and companionship to others. When the "heart of the matter" is ever present, a life of stewardship and mindfulness come much more easily. So while it probably won't be easy, I'm working toward reconnection with that old matter of the heart and with being a better global citizen, giver, and protector.

My heart and soul breaks for the suffering the world over and while it might be overwhelming at times, the best way to make an impact on that suffering is to do something, anything....rather than to hide in the shadows pretending that the world is peachy keen. To help out where one can and in whatever way one can.....this is something I need to get back to....giving my money, giving my time, giving my prayers, and giving my heart.

This blog wasn't necessarily supposed to be a diary of me either.....that doesn't mean that you aren't going to continue to learn way too much personal info than I ever intended to broadcast across the web, but it does mean that maybe, just maybe there will finally be some educational posts---sharing that wealth of education and knowledge gleaned throughout my public health, social work, and education programs. Wouldn't that be food for thought?!

So on that note, I'm going to redirect you to an old post I wrote about a wonderful charitable organization back home. This organization continues to touch my heart and soul as they provide such a worthy service to many individuals that are frequently bypassed and overlooked on the streets. They haven't given up hope on the fabulous individuals they are serving although their funding is seriously touch and go almost every month, and they haven't given up on me for being a touch and go donor either (nor do they harass the mailbox either). Adding to the goals on the sidebar will be one pertaining to donating in some form each and every month to a charitable organization.

Please bear with me and show patience as I continue to learn that it's NOT all about me......and please feel free to remind me when I get too far out of alignment. Here's to getting back to the heart of the matter......

There have been some incredible moments this weekend which I'm thankful for:

--The hub had Friday off so he secured the dogs in the back of the truck and took them for a drive to Petsmart an hour away to have their nails clipped. We have the clipping tool here but he made Roxi bleed once and has been quite apprehensive to clip them since then. This was the first time both gals have been in Petsmart and I can just imagine their excitement at all the goodies and at the long ride looking at all the scenery! Needless to say they came back with a few bones, a couple new toys, beautifully clipped toenails, and that satisfied calm that only an outing can give them!

--Friday evening, the hub and I with the couple down the street went to the local high school football game. We ended up sitting on the visitors side, but the game was neck and neck down til the last 2 minutes. It was great to support the local community and it was an absolutely beautiful evening. Not too hot, but it still felt weird to be watching fall football in shorts, old flip flops, and a shirt. Back home, it's sweatshirt and jean weather by now! After the game we picked up rootbeer floats and called it an early night since hub worked yesterday and today......but most definitely probably the most enjoyable double date we've been on in a while!

--Yesterday I had a few blissful moments of enjoyment of nature:
       --The first fall leaf fell from the sky into our backyard and I caught the moment of Anna watching it fall with utter wonder at what in the world it was doing.....you know those moments when time slows down and you see the leaf just gently floating beautifully through the air? It was one of those.....and it was a pleasure to watch Anna noticing it too.
       --Since I've got more jalapenos and bell peppers growing, I'm continuing to water them on a regular basis. Well yesterday when I started my watering, a lil' toad hopped out of the bell pepper pot!
    
--Yesterday I also took the dogs into my office with me as I had to finish making copies for the seminar I'm giving on Monday. It just so happened that the hub could take a lunch break from his work day, so we picked up some food and ate at a tiled cement table under some trees out back of my work. There was an incredible breeze blowing through which was unusual, but it was just so enjoyable to eat under the trees with the dogs relaxing on the sandy ground in the presence of my husband....stealing an extra moment or two of his time.

The rest of the weekend and last week has pretty much been focused on trying to cram many extra veggies and fruits, herbal tea and honey, and packets of Emergenc-E into my body as possible. I came down with a cold on Tuesday, felt the worst on Thursday, and thought I was onto recovery on Friday....but every day the cold keeps changing and keeps hanging on. I usually hate taking over-the-counter meds must have been taking some Nyquil at night, so at least I'm getting decent sleep.....and to be honest I might be buying some cough syrup to get me through this next week. One downfall to working in a small office is that every person needs to be present during a busier week.....so as much as I'm opposed to working when sick....sometimes you just have to buck up.

Unfortunately the extra family commitments, travels, and sickness have pretty much meant that instead of running 7-10 miles a week.....this last month or two I think I've been lucky to run 15 miles total. ;) Which I don't feel too bad about....but isn't always the best for my mental and physical health in its own right. Basically no running equates to tighter jeans (cause extra belly fat is always the first thing to be added to on this body!) and my poor hub not only having to deal with my sickiness but also with extra moodiness cause I don't have an outlet to process many of those big questions that come to my mind....but maybe some of those will be food for thought for later posts this week...

Now, with Roxi trying to break the rules and wiggle her way up onto the bed with me (the dogs think they are the best nurse maids after all....), I'm off to flop on the couch and maybe watch a movie.....or finish reading my Oregon Coast magazine and daydream about all the loveliness of home!

The Ol' San Antone

A Lil' Weekend Trip to Ol' San Antone...

I haven't done much traveling in Texas, but have an old childhood friend who's lived in San Antonio for years. When I discovered that my good buddy from high school would be in the city for a conference this week, I decided to head over to see both her and him over the weekend. What an amazing time and I actually was impressed by how beautiful the countryside was on the drive!

She and I enjoyed dinner on the Riverwalk, checked out two of the old missions on the Mission Walk, ate brunch at the old Guenther Mill House, and ended the day in the Mexican Market area where I finally got to utilize my Spanish for the first time in about three years!  After 19 years, it was an incredibly wonderful time catching up together! The city impressed me beyond belief as well--it has so much history, so much culture, and so much incredible food! I spent early Saturday morning walking around the city checking out many of the old historic buildings: city hall, Spanish Governor's Palace, The Alamo, etc. Beyond the site seeing, amazing food, and good Texas brew, it was also great just to interact and spend time with people more on my own page....overall a wonderful get away! Plus my buddy, his friend, and I hit up my first ever flea market, when we got distracted by it on our way to a historic town outside the city. 

I scored a great deal on a nice hotel via Hotwire--saving over 44% and staying in a place with some great ammenities. Always nice to discover a new budget option--definitely will be hitting up Hotwire next time I'm traveling and can book in advance. No traffic jams the entire way even though I had to travel through Houston---definitely felt blessed. And although our new GPS messed up on the way there and died on my way back, the old school paper map saved the day! Two and a half tanks of gas, two nights at a great price in a lovely hotel, two new indigenous masks purchased from the Mexican Market, a new hand-carved necklace from the flea market, and a handful of meals and beers.....and it was a great time at a pretty decent price overall! Moments spent with friends and exploring new territory are often worth every penny....

While the Husbands are Away, The Wives Will Play

I think I've mentioned before that the hub spends a good amount of time out in the field. I'm not divulging any additional details about his job schedule nor exactly what he does, but what I will tell you is that it makes us treasure the moments we do get together and the weekends that he does get free.

A lot of the wives married to soldiers in his unit struggle with having their husbands unavailable so much, and while I definitely miss him in the moments when he isn't around I also think that living primarily alone and/or independently for so many years left me better equipped for functioning in the moments when I'm on my own now. It might also have something to do with the fact that both my parents have been dedicated employees throughout their lives (plus my dad is retired military) and our family schedules have altered accordingly.  I try not to complain about the hub's inconsistent schedule or long hours on some days, as everything tends to balance out in its own right and its all just a part of his job. Plus the last thing he needs is to come home to my complaining....

Some moments do get overwhelming when he's gone (mainly because I'm a total verbal processor, bet you never would have guessed that) and other moments I realize how much joy I get out of life when he's experiencing it beside me. (Definitely has made me start to plan how to support coworkers and friends going through deployments....) I have to say that my own independence and the joys of life  (job, dogs, and routines) are all components of having a positive overall outlook.

In the year plus that I've been here it's been hard to find other wives that I've really enjoyed spending much time with. The gal down the street and her husband have been constants in the lives of my husband and myself as we both started our journeys here about the same time. The hub and I have definitely spent time socializing with many different individuals, but this weekend was really the first time that any group of enjoyable women got together without the presence of their husbands. While the husbands were away, the wives finally got out to play.....

Louisiana is known for having good food and fabulous local festivals. Unfortunately without a great social circle and with the hub's schedule it's been difficult to get out to enjoy many of the festivals....until this weekend! The gals (3 other wives) and myself went up to my favorite little town of Natchitoches for the Zydeco Festival. If you've never heard zydeco...it's a great Cajun sound that just makes you want to shake it! (You can find an example of zydeco on youtube here.) While the festival had a smaller turn out, we also indulged in my favorite restaurant up there that has sort of an Italian/seafood/Cajun flair. The hub and I head up to Natchitoches at least once every other month and always take any visitors there for the history and culture, but it was great to introduce other wives to the town as well. We sat on the patio of the restaurant enjoying great food and chatting for quite a few hours. It was nice to finally have the opportunity to sit down with very different women but some that I could relate to and respect all the same. One of the most enjoyable evenings I've had of female company in a long time and hopefully we'll be able to make it a regular routine during these times when the guys are away.

Then on Sunday morning I woke up and decided upon a spontaneous trip to the nearby small lake, which is the type of thing I used to do all the time back home. I knew that it'd be hit or miss as to whether or not it'd a) be free of other people and dogs and b) if any of the other gals and their dogs would want to join Anna, Roxi, and I on such short notice. But within 15 minutes, we were joined by the gal down the street and her two dogs. We lucked out with the open beach and only two other friendly dogs about 200 yards down the way. We didn't spend any long period of time at the water, but it was so nice to get an hour or so of sun, float in water where we could actually see our toes, and watch the dogs enjoy fun in sand and water! A nice change of pace and a great way to start off a productive Sunday!

The rest of the weekend has focused on applying for a job back home, getting back up to my regular weekly running mileage, watching an interesting movie (Smile) about a priveleged US teen who goes to China to help provide medical intervention for children with facial deformities, working from home on altering one of our job application seminars, and researching hotel options and planning my trip to San Antonio this next weekend (I'm heading to see a childhood friend for the first time in 19 years and to see my high school buddy who will be there presenting at an environmental conference----has anyone used hotwire before?!).

A major highlight was spending the great quality time with other interesting and knowledgeable women however. Here's hoping more opportunities will arise for us wives to play when the husbands are away/unavailable...... hope you had a great weekend too. :)

Gratitude for Consistency

So yesterday I left a comment on another blog about how sometimes we just have to get away to clear our minds and still our souls.....yet the more I thought about it, I also realized how much the consistency of routine and individuals can serve a similar purpose.....

I'm just going to put it out there, the last year definitely wasn't an easy one. I love my husband unconditionally but it was an adjustment learning how to be married, how to live with someone new, and in reality getting to know the man I had married. It was challenging relocating to someplace so incredibly different, where my values and morals are at times hard to express and act on--nothing I haven't done before, but also more difficult this time because I'm in my native country. Moving here was socially, mentally, and emotionally uncomfortable--without educational community groups, no employment for six months, with friendly but young potential friends without much in common, and without the presence of my dearest friends and family.

So I'm not going to lie, last August I did take off on a road trip to visit old friends from high school and to get away from here long enough to clear my mind and still my heart. I also made myself and sometimes the husband too get in the car some weekends for a day trip to see something new and different. After years of being surrounded by family and friends, I'm used to spending a great restorative weekend at Granny's, an afternoon on the beach, or heading out to a friends house for a change of scenery and a glass of wine. Being here, I take what I can get and sometimes day trips or a larger road trip are what are needed!

However, as much as those occasional outlets have been great, what has really pushed me through the rough patches are many of the incredible individuals in my life--no matter how distant they may be from me. So I want to express gratitude to and for those who have gotten me through a difficult transition to here...sometimes the consistency of the little things really do create the greatest impact.

My granny, who sends a weekly letter to me and who I used to visit on a regular basis, expects a regular phone call from me. I'm not a huge phone person but Granny also deserves to hear from me, so regardless of whether I've wanted to talk, I have called her once a week or every other week. Each call we report on the previous weeks experiences. Simple enough....but even in the roughest spots, the consistency of calling helped keep my head on straight. Granny laughed with me, heard my sadness and frustrations, and reminded me of the fundamental values of our family.

I have been blessed with extraordinary females who have consistently been present in my life over the last year. Two of these gals are friends of mine from different college programs and who have already been rocks for me in previous settings. This year they shone. They both consistently sent me texts or online messages almost weekly and have never failed to allow me a few moments of phone time when needed. One even requests that I actually talk to her on the phone on a regular basis! Two others are my cousins who have become dear friends in their own right--who never fail to send questions and thoughts...and some cards in the mail too! I am forever cognizant that people play key roles at different times, yet will forever appreciate these gals who have helped me along without my needing to ask or say too much. I only hope that I can be half the friend that they have been to me...

At the risk of sounding like a country song, I'm thankful for the consistency of my dogs. While the initial transition to being a dog owner was not exactly pleasant, the best thing the hub did for me in those first months was to adopt a dog.  Something that needed me to establish a routine: to get up to let it out, to feed and love, and to walk outside on a regular basis. With the hub having the car all day and everything being quite a distance, Anna was my first steady companion for about six months. Our routine together kept me sane, healthy, and able to express emotion. She and another furry companion helped two of us dog owners meet---the other owner being my first actual friend around here.

I'm also grateful for online visitors. As weird as it might sound to some, at times having consistent online communication brightened my day and made me feel a sense of social support in its own right. So I have to give a shout-out to Kathie over at Two Frog Home. She has been a constant visitor as time allows (she has lots of great blog friends), sent a package, and emailed me some wonderful insight at a time when she sensed that I could need it. I will forever be in awe of such a fabulous woman.

I am grateful for so many individuals and really can't name them all here, but these consistent moments kept me grounded throughout some difficult transitional months. For the constancy of those individuals, I am forever appreciative and grateful.....their continuous presence has been the most amazing gift to me. While new explorations have been fun short-term fixes, I know that my best long-term support has come from continuity of moments and individuals. To ALL those that blessed my days during last year, I offer a big thank you!! The smallest acts truly can account for so much!

Friendships

Throughout my life it's taken me forever to make good friends. This probably has to do with the fact that I'm very particular with the type of people I like to invest time in as I tend to be the type of person who likes lifetime friendships rather than short-term buddies. I'd much prefer to spend my days alone than hang out with people who offend me/who I offend or who I have trouble relating to/conversing with/having much in common. It could also be due to my shyness as a kid with my peers and a lack of self confidence at numerous points in my life. Ironically, I used to be really good at small talk and could chat up just about anyone in a customer service manner. However those skills pretty much go out the window when I'm meeting someone who could potentially be a friend. I also will be the first to admit that I have a tendency to be judgmental--chalk it up to participant observer training--but I'll also admit that sometimes those inital assumptions are invalid. Some of my favorite friends have been people that I wanted to write off within the first few outings and several of my closest pals are some that I never would have imagined continuing our relationship.

So where is this post stemming from?....Well any life transition leads me to re-evaluate my friendships, so for the last few years I've been doing a lot of thinking about them--what it means to be a friend, what is important to me in a friendship, and wondering when its best to let go of a friendship and move on. It's been hard for me to meet like-minded people here on this military post, but many other outlets have made the time here fulfilling in other ways and I still feel the love and support from many of my favorites back home (both friends & family). Maybe I've become a country cliche, but I'm pretty sure that my dogs have become my new best friends.  My husband has the ability to be a great companion, but I'm pretty sure I'm always going to be one of those women who needs another woman as her confidant. (Not that I'm always great at maintaining the communication and consistency.)

Breaking all my research rules, I looked up what wikipedia had to say about friendships. The gist being that the intensity and number of friendships has decreased for individuals over the last decades, that friendships have positive health gains, and that the following factors tend to increase VALUE in friendships:
--the tendency to desire what is best for the other
--sympathy and empathy
--honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth, especially in terms of pointing out the perceived faults of one's counterpart
--mutual understanding
--mutual compassion

Not bad, wikipedia, not bad---definitely things that I look for in my friendships and as each of those items can take a lot of work, it's no wonder I don't take investing in a friendship very lightly! I had already been contemplating this post earlier today and I happened to finish the book The Friday Night Knitting Club this evening. The story is an interesting journey of a handful of women who happen to come together--a very unlikely crew but still able to bond, to support, and to demonstrate compassion for their individual journeys. Not unlike my best gal pals from my senior year of high school and also not unlike my favorite gals from my public health program either. In both cases, a handful of very different women bonded together over a mutual environment and objective. And in both cases, each individual brought her own beauty, personality, and insight to the collective.

I feel so blessed to have been a part of such amazing relationships (among others!) and I've been interested over the years to see how many relationships have the ability to ebb and flow. I've never been one to be very good at letting go of certain friendships, but slowly and surely over the years I've come to understand that sometimes you have to just let it be and eventually it can come back when you least expect it but most need it. There are still friendships that I need to learn to let go, others I should take the time to relish the memories, and still others that I need to do a better job at maintaining. And maybe, just maybe there is something true to the old Season, Reason, and Lifetime prose:

SEASON, REASON AND LIFETIME
People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, It is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, It is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (any way); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
--Author Unknown

So whether you are a lifetime, season, or reason friend, I thank you for your participation and I cherish the moments, the thoughts, and hopefully the laughs that we have shared. May we all have loved friends, near and far, who continue to bring joy, humor, and grace to our lives!

Gratitude & Happy Things

Definitely been feeling thankful lately and am constantly reminding myself to appreciate the little things in life.  Here are some of the things that have been gracing my life and mind:

--Butterflies in the air
--Racoon families crossing the road
--Weekends spent BBQing with friends and lounging on the river shores
--Long weekends up ahead to celebrate our nation's independence
--The know-how to search for jobs for our move back to Oregon
--Enough previous contacts to help me network back in Oregon
--Tomatoes purchased at the local, tiny farmer's market
--Grocery store runs with the hub
--Evenings reading in bed (Committed was a great sociological and personal look at marriage; Friday Night Knitting Club is looking good)
--Ten miles covered in running shoes last week (all with the companionship of the doggies)
--Jalapenos & bell peppers continuing to grow
--Excitement at the upcoming visit from mom and granny
--Email exchanges with dear friends
--The boss being a boss
--The dead beatle on display in my office
--Bins of recyclying
--Lady's purrs
--New mineral eyeshadow sets arriving in the mail
--Sending cards & summer mail love to others
--Phone visits with my father
--Pictures & photo worthy moments of life
--Orange & pink moths near the front door
--New Itunes music purchased by a wonderful gift card from a coworker
--Patience yet the ability to look long term
--Afternoon thunderstorms & a rainstorm that actually dropped us 10 degrees
--Daydream believers
--Free bang trim from another military wife
--Quick housecleaning on an early Friday evening
--Sharing moments with friends
--Commitment big and small

Summer of Mail Love & A Personal Challenge

One of my favorite fellow Bloggers is Kathie over at Two Frog Home. She is such a wonderful and kind-hearted individual and does an amazing job of expressing her appreciation and care in many little ways. Thus when I was thinking of sending care packages a week or so ago, she was at the of my top choices of someone to send a little mail love. It turned out to be exactly what I needed to brighten my own day and in her thank you she told me that it also lifted her spirits after a long week. Now Kathie always does a great job of sending out little care packages, gifts, and notes, and she just started a wonderful summer challenge: The Summer of Mail Love. The gist is that in participating you agree to send one special somethin' (postcard, note, package) to some other person every week throughout the summer (from the summer solstice til the fall equinox). I intend to participate (even if by announcing it here, I might be giving some of you a heads up to expect something from me in the mail!) and it'd be great if others of you wanted to participate also!

Now don't worry from an environmental stand-point, I try to send things that can easily be re-used, used in their entirety, or recycled. Any packaging from me should should be able to be recycled and most the gifts I send should be able to be used (personal care products, food, etc). If there's something that isn't to your liking but you know of someone else who would enjoy it---then pass it on! I'm a huge proponent of re-gifting!

Now on a side note: The husband and I are participating in our own small challenge this week. He is giving up access to the TV from tomorrow until Friday evening and I'm giving up internet usage (except for when I have to use it for my job). We both like to point out each other's addiction to technology, so hopefully this will teach us something and if anything we'll probably read and play with the doggies more! Not that most of you aren't used to my lack of postings or blog comments most weeks, but at least this time you know why! ;)  Enjoy your own week!

Farmer's Markets, Bookstores, & Old Small Town Charm

Saturday morning: Let the dogs out, got dressed and put my "face on" (as Granny says), made my morning coffee to take in my travel Klean Kanteen with the cafe lid, loaded the dogs back in their kennels with peanut butter treats, pumped some gas into my Honda and extracted some cash from the ATM, and headed out on the road for our favorite lil town of Natchitoches hoping to discover what their farmer's market might hold! 

The highway on the way to Natchitoches this morning.  So many of the roads around here look like originals.  The morning was overcast--the first rain we've had in several weeks.

Baptist churches galore in the south.  Sometimes the husband and I count them along stretches of highway for a lil entertainment. Additional things I noticed this morning: chickens clucking in yards, growing backyard gardens, shacks and nice residences situated side by side. One funny thing we notice in the south: school busses parked in the yards of the people who drive them.  There doesn't seem to be a bus depot, so people who drive certain routes seem to drive the busses from their houses and then back again---maybe not a bad idea since I'm sure it saves on gas and back tracking!

This is an original house to Natchitoches and dates back to the 1700s.  The garden out front extends further and behind as well.  You can see the river flowing along the far side.

Since there were sprinkles, farmer's market booths were limited this morning--only three slots.  One gentleman selling jams & honey.  Another gentleman selling eggs, jam, and breads.  And a truck selling red potatoes, small yellow squash, 2 varieties of onions, snow peas, and turnips.  I purchased honey, blueberry jelly, and a loaf of blueberry bread.  I was a lil disappointed by the limited number of booths, but in conversations with the locals even on non-overcast Saturdays there are only a few more booths.  Farmer's markets here just aren't the same as back in Oregon.

After hitting up the farmer's market, I walked up from the river front to the main street going through Natchitoches (which is cobbled brick by the way). While the hub and I have been in this adorable little town at least every six weeks since moving down here (our favorite Louisiana restaurant is riverside here), I had yet to spend much time checking out the little shops.  As you can see, Natchitoches is quite the historic town--reported to be the oldest in Louisiana and the home to Northwestern University. Additionally, those trees in the pictures are magnolias, so the lighter spots are the magnolia flowers...

This is the General Store and the sign says it's the oldest general store in Louisiana.  The inside is filled with home goods and hardware.  The building dates back to the 1800s with an original skylight, elevator, and cotton scale.  Some other historical elements are included and the building has almost all of its original character.  In the very front when you walk in they have the Coke fridge below.  The white and cardboard tube to the right is available for $1 and you can get an old bottled coke.  You can see empty bottles below it.

After going through several of the other home decor stores, I realized there were a couple coffee shops, a flower shop, more restaurants, and at the very end of the row of shops there was an independent bookstore!  This was the first bookstore I'd been in while living in Louisiana and I loved it for numerous reasons. 1) The inside was charming with books laid out on tables, artwork on the front walls, available magazines up front, and two cats that greeted me.  The guy pictured below, Sam, followed me around the entire time, jumping up on book tables, and playfully chewing on my hand.  When I went to check out with two books about women in the south, I was able to chat a bit with the owner.  We talked about the farmer's market and once I mentioned that I was from Oregon he told me he wouldn't ask if I wanted a bag for my books. ;)  He happened to be wearing Tibetan prayer beads as a bracelet, was selling copies of Pollan and Kerouac in his "favorites" section and Mother Earth News in his magazines, and bonded with me over butting heads with grocery store baggers about not putting plastic in his tote bags.  I felt for a moment like I'd come home! :)  Even though I'm sure I paid much more out of pocket at this book store and to the farmer's market, there's something nice about having the opportunity to support the little man rather than line further the pockets of Wal-mart executives.  Thank God for small towns with heart!

All in all, a pretty decent way to spend a Saturday morning while the husband sleeps off working the night away! Here's another picture that you might be interested in---check out our jalapenos!

The Human Connection (Community)

I know independence is an element that has been of primary focus within our nation and society for a long time (how about since its beginning?!). However it has come to my attention just how individualized we have become and how infrequently we tend to truly ponder how our actions will effect others. We also seem to have an inability to ask for help. In my thoughts (maybe it's just all the movies I've watched) I envision a past era of our history in which neighbors knew each other and asked to borrow a cup of sugar instead of driving to the store to finish baking cookies. When did we stop relying upon each other and solely relied upon ourselves?

In my example of yesterday, my sister-in-law's coworker went out of his way to help my brother and his wife with their fridge problem. However it seems that he was more than willing to do so and to help was his own idea. In a recent conversation with a friend I described how difficult it is for me to ask my friends to help me with life's difficult moments, yet I tend to also resent that they do not automatically help me when I do finally get around to asking them. Yet, when I rarely ask then how are they to know that I truly need them in my life. I apply this same thought to my neighbors. In my neighborhood, we have had several families transition in and out of the neighborhood over the course of the ten years. However the majority of the current neighbors have been in our neighborhood for at least two years now, and I wouldn't be able to tell you much of anything about them. I also would not ever expect them to ask to borrow a shovel or for me to ask to borrow a book.

Is it any wonder then that we sometimes find it difficult to remember to imagine what it would be like to walk in another person's shoes? When we are no longer truly connected to our neighbors, families, coworkers, and friends, then how can we expect to be connected to the random person we pass on the street? Yet we ARE all connected. We are all humans, struggling in this walk of life, hopefully trying to improve the quality of life on this planet. When I talk to my students, I often see how hard it is for them to accept people that are "different" from them. In trying to bridge the gaps they have created, I often try to have them imagine being in that individual's circumstances. This is something that I do in my own life to increase my empathy and patience for others. For example, I might imagine myself in the shoes of an immigrant, a welfare mother, a drug addicted street youth, a politician. By putting myself in someone else's shoes, even if only mentally, I feel that I am much more able to understand why some individuals make the choices that they do. And I sometimes wonder if sometimes individuals are driven to make poor choices, do to the lack of a support system in their lives.

From a spiritual and emotional stand point, we need to connect with others to solidify our faith and to create relationships in our lives that support us. We need to engage in giving AND receiving. And from an environmental and economic standpoint, just imagine what it would be like if we were able to share or borrow/loan items that we do not use on a regular basis. A group of neighbors could share a grill, a vacuum, or lawn items. Maybe neighbors could even engage in yardwork or house projects together.

I think it is of utmost importance though for us to restore the human connection, to reinstitute empathy for all others, and to reach out in giving and receiving to others. My challenge for everyone (myself included!) this week is to truly engage in community. Get to know your neighbors, before judging someone different than you-imagine yourself in his/her possible situation, sit down and truly connect with important people in your life, be able to ask for help from others and trust that people will help you solve the problem however large or small it is, and talk to others who you might otherwise not. If all of us improved the human connection on this planet, think of how much easier it would be to solve the problems that plague us individually, locally, nationally, and globally. Best of luck!