Random Shares

So I have all these random shares (or confessions) crossing my mind lately and always enjoy when other people share. Some of these are quite lengthy though, but here we go:

---For the most part I was always a good kid growing up. I didn't smoke, I didn't drink until it was legal, I didn't do drugs, and I didn't really sleep around. I went to church and youth group, participated in numerous school clubs, and volunteered at the local hospital and at a retirement center.  I played sports and got good grades, and only skipped school on occasion. I was pretty quiet and insecure in high school, and was always the girl who had a boyfriend. (Ironically in the eight years after that I was almost always without a serious boyfriend.) I was voted "Most Caring" and numerous times individuals from high school have told me about how sweet of a person I was.......even though my best friend will openly tell me I was somewhat of a snob and I turned into quite a B-word....I guess if only they could see me now. ;) Haha.

---I never expected to go to grad school and in fact, started out my undergrad without caring as much about grades as I did in high school. I went to a pretty intense college however (16 page papers as a freshman, anyone?) that has a decent percentage of students that go on to advanced degrees. My parents both have masters, so I suppose I should have felt it was inevitable.....but it still seemed like a big surprise when I decided to go....and then when I became addicted to learning. Even now, when "I'm sure I'm done," I still miss being in the learning environment as a student. Have I mentioned I keep getting asked when I'll go back for a PhD?!

---The year I studied abroad, I discovered that they sent all the non-drinker vegetarians to Argentina---which is the beef export capitol of the world and known for partying until the wee morning hours. While I came out of there still not liking the taste of meat, I got over my dislike of the taste of alcohol thanks to many of my classmates and host siblings. ;)

---Hub sometimes shares his desire that we end up in the large town of Eugene. This is where I went to school from 4th-7th grades....and while I was incredibly sad to leave there, I don't know that I'd want to raise any potential kids we might have there. Hub doesn't believe me that it could be as big city-ish as it seemed (and maybe it's just my perception), but I definitely remember fear of drive bys at large dances and the year after we moved one of my best gal pals was jumped into a gang. I also had several friends & acquaintances that were involved with drugs and who were sleeping around.....in 7th grade. Even with being the "good kid," I've always preferred to have friends from all walks of life.

---I'm pretty sure that I've decided that I want us to have kids. I'd still like to adopt some and dependent on fertility & eventual timelines, we might only adopt and not have any bio kids. (I still haven't decided if I truly want to carry a child in utero anyway.) I'm pretty sure my decision has stemmed from a) my best friend's innate love she has for her adorable lil babe b) the fact that a lot of our friends are having or talking about having kiddos and I don't want any we do have to be too far behind and c) since getting out of the Army, hub's heart has been growing. However, no bambinos will be arriving until after hub's done with school (4-6 years)...this doesn't mean I haven't started thinking about needing to decrease my toxic exposures and getting to a better place mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially.

---While I'll eat just about any fruit or vegetables, there a few that I just don't like all that much---mushrooms and star fruit top the list. And as much as I love steamed broccoli, it's not my favorite raw, and as much as I like raw carrots, I'm not a fan of it steamed.

---I absolutely love the fact that hub comes up with acronyms and his own slang for things. When we were dating we called each other "PIMA"s---Pain In My Ass. He also says things like "Is it a FFYS night?" which means "are we making our own dinners?" And "Would you like an OFCS?" which he just made for open face cheese sandwich. His slang tends to stick and sometimes it's copied, like the fact that he had most of his Army work buddies saying "Word!" and "Good on ya."

---Every once in a while I get addicted to working out. I suppose it's not a bad thing to be addicted to, but there have been points in my life when exercise has become my crux and I've worked out 2-3x a day in order to control something in my life. Most the rest of the time, I just think working out is way fun and a great natural high. I was also the girl in high school who took both weights and regular gym classes, even in the seasons that I also played sports.

---My brother's ex-wife was an incredibly close friend of mine while they were married, even though she was almost twice my age. Because of this I knew way too much about their marriage and its issues however. She and I no longer talk on my brother's behalf, but in the moments when I'm  struggling with my marriage she's never far from my mind. Unfortunately I'm much like her and my husband is much like that brother, but I also think about how much I should learn from her mistakes and the outcomes of them.

---A lot of my friends have been anxious about turning 30 this year, but I'm actually feeling quite excited by it. Twenty-five was my quarter life crisis, but I'm feeling great about this newest milestone. I'm not entirely sure why but I think it's partly because I'm satisfied with where my life is now. I've got a job I love, a wonderful hub, lovely fur friends, supportive and amazing people friends, a loving family, and I could go on and on.

---While in grad school I completely Facebook researched two guys that expressed an interest in me...and once I saw their pictures of beer pong playing, I completely wrote them off. And then life got one on me.....because I married an infantryman who I later realized equated a good weekend to include an evening of beer pong with his fellow guys. Oh how I do not miss those days....even if he probably does. ;)

---While many wives absolutely dislike facial hair, I've always loved it. I love it even more on hub for a more selfish reason. Most of you readers I think have seen hub, as you know us in real life. For those of you who don't in-person know us, hub is a major hottie....and he's charming to boot...and he doesn't want to wear a ring. (The first time I ever saw him when he was 19, I thought he looked like an Abercrombie model.) But here's the catch, hub frequently has a big ol' bushy beard....and that beard covers up a lil bit of just how attractive he is. Oh sure that hotness shows through, but he gets hit on MUCH less when he's got the beard than he does without it. Bring on the beard, baby, and ease some of this lady's apprehensions! Hub knows I feel this way, so when he shaved his beard off last week, he reminded me that I can always buy him a beard beanie.

---And just because I feel the need to share something else fun. If you don't know much about Portland but want a good (and mainly truthful) laugh (even if some of the original Portlandites aren't laughing.....), then you must catch a couple quick youtube clips of the show Portlandia. Try this one or this one. ;)

What are you thinking of, sharing, and confessing lately?

Christmas Gifts

This year the exchange of gifts turned out different than I had planned or expected. Any long time readers still left of this blog know that it wasn't that many years ago that receiving gifts at Christmas left me in tears, as my needs were already met and yet so many others in the world go every day without. This is a sentiment that I still hold in my heart, but somehow the ways of the world have grasped me back in their embrace---partly due to marriage, partly due to time, partly due to changes in surroundings, etc.

Long time readers also know that usually hub and I do not exchange gifts for any holidays, etc. So imagine my surprise earlier this month when hub mentioned that he wanted our return to Oregon for the holidays to be like a new start and he wanted us to pick things up for each other---hmmm, but seeing that hub rarely likes me to provide any material goods for him, I decided that it'd be worth it. We have a bad habit of spending a bit more freely than we should and of purchasing whatever we need/somewhat want during the month for ourselves, so to help this process, we put ourselves on a "no real buying anything for ourselves" freeze. Ironically we both ended up buying each other a book that actually really interests and then rubber liners/mats for our respective vehicles.....plus one other thing a piece.

The other thing that I wanted to do this year was not buy any gifts at all---instead I was going to donate a much larger amount to charity. However as it got closer to Christmas I started feeling guilty about not having anything at all for my sister's kiddos or my brother's kiddos. I still feel that we all mainly have everything that we need however, so I decided that this year we would assist in the procurement of tasty experiences for my relatives instead. Thus a gift card for Burgerville went to my sister's family, one for Olive Garden to my brother & his wife, Sizzler for Mom & Dad, and a multi-diner-option to my brother's family in Colorado. Maybe not "things" but still a gift they can use to treat themselves at some other time. Hub's family and their needs are very different than my family's, so this year we actually set them up with a membership to Costco & a gift card toward groceries there. We also still donated---a larger check to the gospel mission, clothes for the sponsored family, items for the deployment boxes, money in the offering plate, but in a sense we donated to our families' joy as well. I guess in some ways I need to still remember that AND begin to settle it internally a bit more---that even when there is such a need in the lives of others, that it's still good to bless the lives of those that we love too.

I also feel like I did a better job of being gracious about the gifts that I did receive this year and the thoughtfulness behind the gifts did not go un-noticed. Almost all the gifts we got were based on thoughts toward our needs and happiness---hand-made earrings & a bottle of wine, a waffle maker (my sister's old one & something hub's been wanting) & an amazing looking organic cook book, Dad's usual standby gift of special calendars, a shirt a piece, bathroom towels (although there might be some regifting here.....:)), a hand made key chain holder, a special used book to help hub with anatomy, cash, and then a fun flying helicopter for hub......not so sure that was a need but it brought my parents much joy watching him fly it around all evening! While we might have failed at mailing out any Christmas cards this year---the thank yous will definitely be written and going out soon!

And so it appears that somewhere between who I was at Christmas and who I currently am---there's been a compromise, but it too feels like it's an alright place to be this year.

(Although the best gifts always are and will continue to be....the multitude of memory making moments.......)

Recent Confessions

I'm inspired to write another Confessional post by the recent similar post on SortaCrunchy and because I actually had a thought about this earlier this evening because........

1) Jade plants are supposed to be impossible to kill.....I am in the process of successfully killing my FOURTH jade plant. I bring other plants back from the dead....but the jade plant hates me.

2) Learning about personality styles via teaching my stress managment course has made me realize that I am much more co-dependent on the opinions of others than I'd usually care to admit....but then so are an estimated 96% of Americans.

3) I tend to be a Facebook snob---primarily because I like to have the freedom to post what I want to say, especially regarding environmental toxins and exposures.

4) I am realizing how much I miss AND love the field of public health, especially regarding environmental toxins & human health effects.

5) I'm afraid I'm too lazy and impatient to be a very good mom. My many fears on this topic make me incredibly apprehensive.

6) Christmas has been my carrot to journey along throughout this term---it's oh.so.close.

7) I was born and raised Presbyterian---which means I believe in social justice, love, stewardship, and sustainability.

8) I knew marriage would be hard....but some days are way harder than I ever imagined possible.

9) I vote by three key platform topics: health care, environment, and immigration. Whichever candidate best matches my view points on these topics, wins my vote. Makes it easy.

10) I keep my mouth shut on my personal view points every single day that I work in one of my two part-time jobs.

11) I am secretly glad for DVR due to the constant access I have to watch What Not to Wear.

12) I feel guilty of how much I've begun to use TV as a means to zone out in my off hours. Nothing satisfies lately like that cup of peppermint flavored coffee and Dear Genevieve on HGTV.

13) I'm currently in a weird period of transition and I'm not sure that I like what I see physically, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, or socially. Most the time I'm too busy to think much about it though....

14) In the winter I have a complete addiction to peppermint---its equal to the summer addiction of coconut.

15) I'm guilty of keeping my chickens much more cooped than I care to reflect upon or admit. While the large dog kennel is large....I wish there was more energy and day light to let them free range more often.

16) This term is the first one where I really feel comfortable teaching again and feel free to be myself as an instructor. Although my students just formally evaluated me, so we'll see what the feedback provides!

17) I hate grocery shopping.....but I love that hub loves to grocery shop and for us to go together. Although I hate grocery shopping, I love that full fridge and availability of tasty options.

18) I have been a vegetarian for 16 years......and in the last six months I have fallen in love with salmon, had hankerings for BLTs, eaten a tuna sandwich, and had my first fish & chips. Again, not quite sure what is happening to me.....but one things for sure red meat is NOT coming back into the picture.

19) Winter time makes me love tea. Today alone I had blueberry and detox teas, and purchased two types of local brand Chai tea.

20) I CANNOT WAIT FOR IT TO SNOW! Usually here in the valley of Oregon we don't get too much snow BUT this year is supposed to be an even colder one than normal.

21) I miss knitting.

22) I'm still in decent contact with one of my major exes. I am someone who believes that exes can be friends and I enjoy a healthy catch up session with one in particular. I like to see people that I care about doing well, and its nice to chat with someone with whom one has so much life history.

23) I'm pretty sure if I could live with my parents forever....I would. Nothing is as relaxing and restoring as a trip to my mom and dad's. I have to wonder if that will be the case as I move toward 40 and Mom and Dad also get older....

24) I can't wait to tuck into the couch with a good book and the flickering lights of the Christmas tree. In fact, I've already been listening to Christmas music for a week---and yes, I know it's not Thanksgiving yet. :)

25) Sometimes there are things I'd like to blog about but I don't because a) I'm too afraid of offending family & friends who would take it personal and b) I'm afraid of a random stranger recognizing me from one of my jobs and having personal information on me.

which leads me to the last one:
26) I've been toying with the idea of journaling again, so I can truly convey my thoughts and clear my mind, heart, & soul of much of what weighs upon it. I lecture on the virtues of journaling and I journaled for years.....but sometimes I feel that the "dear diary"--ness of it gets under my skin.

Woosh. A few open confessions out into the universe. What are you confessing lately?

Confessions

One of my Army spouse gals just wrote a post on Confessions and asked some of the rest of us to join in, so I thought I'd oblige her, even if it's just cause I miss her and even if many of my recent confessions might be more like environmental downfalls ;) Haha. The other fun part of this is that it reminded me of when hub and I were getting married...I sent him an email with a list of the things I was afraid of having someone else know about my daily habitats and living tendencies!

So without further ado, a list of my recent and maybe past confessions:

1) My green journey has taken a somewhat dive: I've turned on the AC at night, we forget to use our tote bags almost 90% of the time, we use paper towels, my tampons aren't organic and I failed at the Diva cup, the food garden feels like more of a hobby than a necessity, I scrubbed the shower with harsh chemicals two weeks ago, and (sigh) hub has sprayed chemicals on some of our weeds. I'm not entirely sure what's happening to us....I still love the planet, I still want to be sustainable, we still make strides more than many, but I think living in the South sort of disenfranchised my heart a bit to feel like it's going to make much difference. Although it's not that I don't care....because I most definitely do.

2) I have to take a daily shower, and usually it happens at night in order to save time in the mornings. Plus somehow I feel like it keeps my sheets cleaner for longer, since I go to bed clean then. ;) (Although side note: for the last few years I've become a night time sweat-er....so I'm not so sure how well this theory works anymore!)

3) When people ask for a word to describe oneself, I almost always choose eclectic or contradictory. I'm a small town girl with big city tendencies. I'm a hippy chick from a log town. I love all things international yet with nationalistic pride. I'm big on peace and anti-war, yet believe in the need for our military and its troops. And all this also transfers over to my professional life. People tell me that my resume is impressive and it is, but I also have had a lot of very different jobs already. My main professional experience could be said to fall into social services, teaching, and research...but in a whole host of areas. I tend to like to work in the fields that I am most passionate about---adoptions, teaching, health, social justice, independent living skills, career and educational advancement, Latinos, international relations, environmental exposures, literacy, and veterans. I honestly expect to see a continual evolution of my professional fields....but who knows maybe I'll actually find a niche.

4) When I'm stressed (or PMSing), I clean and organize my surroundings like a maniac. When my surroundings are ordered, it makes the rest of life feel manageable too. I also like it to be quiet rather than loud for the same reasons. However this all also means that I'm not always the most wonderful person to live with.....

5) As much as I'm big on saving the dollar signs, when hub and I go on vacation we absolutely love to eat out. I'm not sure if this is because we want to soak up as much of the local flavor as possible, if we're just super lazy, or if it's because as kids we rarely ate out on vacays with our families....but regardless if we're away-from-home we're almost always in a restaurant if we have the budget available. This was incredibly apparent when we were down in our hometown over the long weekend: dinner out two nights at hubs favorite restaurants in town, evening pre-football game pizza and a separate lunch out with hubs fam, breakfast at our favorite lil country diner, pie with one of my gals, and at least two trips out for coffee. Beyond the dollars....my waistline also shows the effects.....

6) Since getting married, I have this irrational fear of putting on weight. I'm not sure if it's because a) my body type within my fam is predisposed to obesity b) the fact that hub is an incredible hottie and I feel I have to try to keep up c) the fact that hub has gotten a lot thinner in the last year d) that I feel I need to represent "health" since that's what I teach e) that I find it uncomfortable to sit when I feel extra inches piling up on my waist or f) that I'm too cheap to want to buy a whole new wardrobe if I do go up a size. Regardless of the reasons, in the last 2-3 years I feel a lot of internal pressure to stay the size that I am. This size is healthy for my body size and bone structure, but ironically it's also much thinner than where I was for several years in my life.

7) This last month I feel like I'm 30ish...in a good way, although it also makes me wonder if I'm selling out. I ordered the Pottery Barn bed, I'm researching a trade-in for my vehicle and paying off hub's truck, I'm planning on buying a new/used wedding band, we're talking about where we could take a "real" vacation in the next three years. Without getting overconfident (cause we're never certain!!), finances feel like they're failing into place a bit more. Hub and I pretty much function independently financially, each covering separate things, but I've reached that spot where I could actually completely function comfortably and financially solo... and its sort of a nice spot to finally have arrived at. However I feel guilty because I'm noticing a tendency to fill my life with "things" (albeit increased quality) and I'm not sure that's the direction I want to be moving in. Yet, it also means that my giving is increasing and for the first time ever I'm signing up for regular monthly giving to my charities of choice. This is something I'm still thinking on....and in the meantime hub's snapped me out of my 30ish facade by bringing up the idea of having his friend move in to an extra room... ;)

8) Three things are always on my heart even if I don't always let them consistently into my mind: adoption, equitable distribution/social justice, sustaining God's creation. In the midst of getting caught up in society's expectation of the World, sometimes I forget about the expectation of the Word and of the items that have been placed on my heart.

9) Of the new vehicles I'm looking at getting, they're all SUVs/crossovers. Although I'm being incredibly mindful of gas mileage, I'd really like something that would allow for me to haul both dogs and non-furry passengers. We're in the research and information gathering stage still and will need to sell off my Honda. Multiple little stages still, but the vehicles currently in the running: Subuaru Forester or Outback, Toyota Rav4 (prob with 4wd), or the GMC Terrain/Chevy Equinox. Feedback is always greatly appreciated.

10) Today I attended a training/retreat for the new job and one of the sessions I attended was about the five love language types as I've always wondered what my types actually are. Big surprise my LEAST love language is gifts aka I'm not a fan of receiving THINGS. ;) And then it was an almost even 3-way tie for the top scores of service, quality time, and touch. Touch has been a big one, as my family has always been big on giving love via touch but hub hates touch, which was an incredibly hard adjustment for me to our marriage (and still is at times.) Ironically even after almost 6 months back in Oregon though, I still have to mentally give myself permission or think about hugging or touching other people aka family and close friends....

Okay and a couple quick links:
I LOVE Flower Patch Farm Girl. She speaks to my heart. She's walking toward a Christ centered life. She's an adoptive parent x3. She's now a foster parent. She's a farm girl. She loves JCrew. She's hilarious. And most of all she's real. And she just posted a link to a video that her husband and her are in for their church that I think is great message to all of us. (They're Cory & Shannan...listed bottom right.)

If you want to know what it can be like for an adoptive parent, truly, really....then this post is fabulous. Adoption isn't always pretty....just like being a parent isn't always pretty, but even through the hate, the confusion, the extreme disruptive behaviors that can occur at times, kids need someone who is steadfast, who is full of love unconditional, who can compromise, who can give....and it ain't easy.

Be good, be real, be true, be confessing ;) Enjoy!

Confessional: The Telephone Has Been a #1 Hate Relationship

While I've hinted at this numerous other times, tonight I'm just coming out and saying it: Talking ON the phone has been an awkward and difficult event for me throughout the last ten years. Now hear this: I'm attempting a goal to work on this hate relationship.

Ironically, back in the days of ol' high school, the phone was forever attached to my ear. I'd yak at whatever long term boyfriend I had at the time for hours on end and then I might yak at a gal pal or two to discuss just what was said between the boyfriend and me. Oh the days.....and what a waste of time and youthful energy!

I'm pretty sure it comes down to two things that established my hate relationship with the phone. 1) Pay usage. 2) The rise of the internet. And okay, I lied...there's a third, the rise of the unlimited text message....but this came much later.

My first experience with real pay usage occurred during a year spent studying abroad in Argentina. It cost per minute for me to make local calls and it was an arm & leg on both ends for me to talk to my family at home in the United States. Since I didn't want to pay to use the phone, I instead relied on the internet and rise of email (two thumbs up to internet cafes!) to keep in touch with family and friends back in the States. In all truth, I talked to my parents three times on the phone that year and I made one other call to a good buddy of mine as well.

My use of the internet as my main means of connection continued when I was in college, as that's how I continued to check in with family and friends. My freshman college roommate talked to her mom daily on the phone, but I still just checked in with Dad via email for the most part. By this point, I had my first cell phone, but even when I had a long-distance college boyfriend I was incredibly vigilant of how many minutes I had available and how many had been used.  And I also remember late night conversations staying on the phone even though I really didn't want to---somehow my year abroad had erased any desire to "waste time" chatting. The beauty of the internet is that you can say what you need to say (and sometimes what you can't say in person or via the phone) and allow the person to respond when it's convenient for them.

So I suppose I should also call this my ode to two people: my gal Nancy (who is also an avid blog reader but just never comments!) and Granny, as they've put up with my phone awkwardness and left me with the reality that a phone call can be a positive relationship builder. I should also give a shout-out to hub at this point in my confessional as well, although hopefully this will be one post he overlooks in his reading. ;) Anyone that knows hub and I knows that the first 6 months of our relationship/marriage we were constantly attached to our phones as we weren't located in the same state. You generally could find us either engaging in non-stop texting (hence my introduction to the need for unlimited texting and here I offer a big shout out of apology to my dearest friends who put up with this at the time....) and/or a nightly phone call when hub wasn't working. Hub always liked to check in before we went to sleep and even though talking on the phone wasn't always my favorite, I went along with it to keep our communication and connection going. (Although much in his favor, he did also introduce me to the webcam which I liked much better than the phone, but now always find awkward to use with most other people.....)

But anyway...back to my gal and granny. During my 1.5-2 years in Louisiana, my gal and granny were my most regular phone communicators back home and whether any of us realized it at the time, the consistent communication that I had with both of them got me through some pretty hard and lonely moments. Now I'm not going to say that it was always easy for them to get me on the phone, but what I will say is that more than anyone else they both made sure that phone communication happened. My gal always checked in via text to see when I might be available but the monthly-to-every-six-weeks phone conversation forced me to talk about my reality honestly while also brought me back into the other world that I'd left behind of a good friend, professional development, and conversations about incredibly serious subjects. Even though our conversations were about the beauty and frustrations of our daily realities, she got me through and focused on something else in more way than one. With Granny, not talking to her on the phone was never an option, as she wouldn't have had it any other way. My move to the south was difficult for her as she'd gotten used to my steady visits and companionship, so throughout my time in Louisiana I knew the expectation existed that I would talk to her on the phone every week or at least twice a month. Even now when I argue that she gets to see me at least every other week, she gives me a hard time that now that I live in Oregon she technically hears from me less. ;)

But throughout this week and last...I've been thinking of how important those phone conversations were to me. As much as I like the fact that I can quickly find out what I need to know via a text message rather a conversation, there is something to be said for the importance in actually letting someone know that you care by making an actual call. And I actually might argue that in some ways my relationships were more meaningful with many of my friends before text messaging and facebook, when we only had phone calls or a real email to maintain communication. So I'm hoping to bring back the phone call. Now don't worry, I'm not going to get all crazy and call all of y'all up all the time, but I AM going to make it a goal to actually a) communicate more by phone calls and b) to check in more with people to actually let them know that I care. I find myself missing the real details of people's lives.

I don't expect to ever love talking on the phone again, but I also can say that in the last week I've chatted on the phone twice with my gal and seriously got more out of it than I ever would have via text message. Although my apologies to her and all others as I do have serious awkwardness with starting and ending phone calls ie a) I never give a proper introduction but instead launch into my string of thoughts that led me to calling without the proper how are you? etc and b) I have a horrible habit of just deciding I'm done talking and ending the conversation. Case in point: today I suddenly realized late conversation that I stunk from my evening run with the hub so instead of appropriately getting to a goodbye point with my gal, I just interjected "Hey, I smell, I need to shower." Great right? Even hub laughed and told me I'm horribly awkward at getting off the phone.

So what do you say though? Care to actually use those monthly cell phone minutes with me and let people know that you care? :)

Camp Lessons & Products

There were a few great items that got us by while on our travels, and the lack of facilities and light packing taught me some great lessons along the way too.

Anyone that knows me knows that I am a shower-every-night type of gal. I hate going to bed without being clean. I "put my face on" almost every single day, even if I'm not going anywhere. I floss every.single.night. And much to my husband's dismay, I totally use "face stuff" aka a layer of protective zit cream before bed each night. BUT when you're camping in the woods with no mirror, no running water, a lack of desire to carry extra weight, not wanting to use products that might damage the environment, and in locations where it's luck to have an established hole in the ground to do one's business.....then you sort of throw your "normal" tendencies out the window.

I packed a small ziploc that stayed in the truck and contained the following: two bobby pins, a small bottle of face lotion, a small bottle of Burts Bees outdoor body & hair wash, a tiny packet of foundation and a foundation brush, a tube of chap stick, a tube of fix-all ointment, black eyeliner, floss, and my leftover nub of a cover-up stick. I also had a stick of deodorant and my Burts Bees facewash in my bag. However, in my hiking pack, I had more bobby pins, "natural" bug repellent, my toothbrush, and another tube of lip balm that I figured could be used for a couple functions.

So here's the irony, I packed almost nothing for this trip.....and it was rare that I even used what I brought. In fact, on the backpacking part I used basically none of it. I rinsed my face with running water from the stream morning and night and I washed my feet in the stream before bed. I did run my toothbrush over my teeth, but without paste because I didn't want to leave the paste behind in the woods.

Once we got to the second camp site and were camping out of the truck, I still didn't use anything extra, except this time I did floss and I did use toothpaste since I could deposit them into one of those holes in the ground (aka an established outhouse....).

In fact, thanks to the magnificence of baby wipes (again only deposited into the outhouse) used just to clean (TMI) my swimming suit region, I didn't even mind not showering for three days. Yea I was dirty and I'm pretty sure sweating into the same shorts for three days put off an odor, but it really wasn't all that bad. THANK GOD FOR BABY WIPES though! ;)

Even once we could shower again and were back in civilization, I only put on the little amount of make-up I had when we met friends and the dry mountain air actually seemed to be great for my skin.

The second irony of our trip is that I had only intended to not be camping for one day---meaning I packed all hiking clothes/shoes and only one pair of jeans, one regular wear Tshirt, and one pair of light-weight flip flops....so I ended up wearing the same jeans, shirt, and flops for three and a half days in a row. We washed our hiking clothes while at my parents, but somehow I actually didn't mind wearing the same outfit---definitely made choosing what to wear a whole lot easier...

Beyond the clothes and personal care products, I did get introduced to some great hiking and camping gear. (You have to understand that I didn't really grow up camping, before this I'm pretty sure I'd only legit tent camped maybe, maybe 5x.) Since hub spent the last two years pretty much camping and running around in the woods half of every month thanks to the Army, he's got some pretty neat stuff:

This is the Jetboil pot. Great for heating up water in a flash and great for backpacking since its small and lighter weight. Image found here. We used this to heat water for cocoa, to fill our kanteens for warmth in the foot of our sleeping bags at night, and to cook our meals. We did decide that we need to get a legit camp stove however for when we're cooking & camping out of the car.

Hub recently found a water purifying device apparently called the SteriPEN. It uses UV light to kill bacteria and viruses. Its light weight and is similar to a lighted wand you stir like a stick in a stream-filled water container. His bud and he used it on their longer backpacking trip without any illness, and we used it on this trip too. You can read about it here and the image was taken from here.

I had my first introduction to freeze dried food from a PNW company called MountainHouse. We ate the Macaroni & Cheese, which hub thought was amazing for freeze dried food and which tasted almost exactly like box mac n cheese. The more I thought about it, I'm pretty sure box mac n cheese must already be some sort of freeze dried. We also had the freeze dried ice cream sandwich which was A-MA-ZING! Image from here.

Two days before leaving on our trip we found a sleeping pad for me. We settled on a Thermarest Trail Scout that was on sale at our local Sports Authority. It was definitely comfortable (much more comfortable than hub's Ridgerest basic light weight!) and with enough padding to separate me from the cold ground. Image from here.

One item that we used at the second camp site which we also string up in our backyard is hub's camp hammock. It actually can be used for sleeping and its incredibly simple to hang up and take down. The whole thing stuffs into a tiny little sack and its also light weight. It's the ENO Doublenest Hammock and the image is from here.

Some of the other camping and hiking gear was stuff hub had from the Army, including a sleeping bag and backpack. As usual our Klean Kanteens were awesome, although hub did also use one of his old Nalgenes (hello BPA exposure.....).

One thing I do have to rave about were the Eddie Bauer shorts I recently found on sale that were fabulous. I'm not a huge shorts person, but these seemed great for hiking and have proved to be quick to dry and easy to move around in. They have great pockets on the sides to hold IDs, chapstick, and a thin camera without being weighed down. I'm pretty sure they are these, although they seem to hit me shorter than they appear in the picture.

Hub and I also snack along the trail when we need a burst of energy and while most of our snacks consist of apples or dried fruit & nuts (cranberries & almonds are a fav, but we've recently added another lil bag of dried apricots and cherries), we discovered Nature Valley's new Oats N Dark Chocolate granola bars on our last Costco trip. They were delicious, made the fastest breakfast possible, and provided great energy to get me through a few more miles. Hub also made white chocolate chip-cranberry-coconut oatmeal cookies that we ate while camping. Unfortunately I left our other great Costco hiking grub at home---peanut butter filled pretzel bites!

Some great gear, snacks, and camp lessons!

Marriage, Cottage Cheese, & 2 Years in the Making

So....how do you eat your cottage cheese?

You might think this question to be somewhat strange, but until I got married I was 100% sure that people always ate cottage cheese with sliced fruit. (I mean the cottage cheese and fruit are both served near each other in salad bars and MY family always ate it that way anyway.... ;)). So imagine my surprise when hub thought it (and several of my other food tendencies passed on via my fam's norms) were totally and completely strange. (He eats it plain or with honey---just in case you were wondering.)

So I thought of this again when I had a craving for cottage cheese yesterday and I ate it with cranberries, walnuts, & agave syrup---something that was even strange for me but I wanted to try something even more different and outside my norm....

Where is this going you might ask?! ;) Well this post is somewhat overdue...because really it's been on my mind since before we moved back, ever since we moved back, and oh many times in between. Its something I've discussed with some of my closest friends and its something I tried to touch on to others since returning in order to explain that two years has the ability to change individuals. And it also has to do with someone awesome in our lives coming over to our house last week---who mentioned that she and her husband have been married for 30-40 years but the first year was just royally horrible (aka they almost divorced).....and my husband and I chuckled and thought to ourselves "Thank God for honesty...."

Because, honestly, (here goes....) I think we sorta love hearing other people talk about how hard it was to start out....because for us, it was INCREDIBLY hard starting out. (In all honesty, it was harder than my dad having cancer, my favorite grandfather's death, and all my years of undergrad & grad school). .....And this means, that I probably wasn't overly "authentic" on this blog (nor with many people in my life) for my first 1.5 years of my time in Louisiana......because, well, really you don't want people back at home (or across the world) to know just how hard, how lonely, and how lost you (aka me) feel....and because the last thing you want to do is make anyone worry (because, I mean, that would just make it way worse ;)). (Throw in there the fact that I was raised and generally believe that one should not "air their dirty laundry"....) Now many factors come into play beyond JUST the marriage that made it hard: lack of social support/community, my lack of employment/purpose for six months, limited outdoor pursuits, lots of red tape and social expectations, social age differences, ....and I could go on. But honestly, as much as we knew marriage would be hard....neither of us expected it to take the path that it did for the first 6-12 months of our time together...and that is one thing that I won't necessarily explain or go into on this blog.

So why am I sharing this now? Maybe it's to clear the air. Maybe it's to try to regain authenticity. But maybe it's also slightly because I feel it's important to discuss that I am a changed person because of marriage itself but even more so because of the last two years. Do I still have MOST the same values? Sure thing, but I can also tell you that I care less about many things than I used to, I can cuss like the best of the soldiers, it feels incredibly weird to have everyone around me want to hug me, my mouth has learned to shut on some political and social topics, for better or worse I'm more blunt to most people, and for the last year I haven't been constantly thinking introspectively or even very deeply at all. I also don't cringe anymore when I throw away a plastic lid or a pair of ratty underwear, but I will still dig used batteries out of the trash. I don't like looking people in the eyes when I talk to them anymore, I'm far more impatient (which was something I always struggled with anyway), and for the first month of our return it was incredibly difficult for me to even really talk in depth about any of the big issues of the time or answer too many questions about myself.

And maybe I'm sharing this now....because I truthfully feel that that particular round of tumultuous times and rough start has passed (although I definitely expect others in the future at some point--we're human after all), and now an incredibly enjoyable period of our life has arrived. It's my belief 100% that a large part of it has to do with leaving the Army/infantry environment and returning to an environment that has many of the things that we love. I do feel it's important to state that we did have good times down there, but the last three months of our pre and post transition have honestly been some of the happiest and most blessed of our marriage. These three months have made me firmly believe that we truly did know what we were doing when we ran off and got married and re-solidified the fact that I married a man who is so different from me yet so similar to my core. For the first time since my initial leave from Oregon, I realize that my husband is truly my best and most consistent friend.

....even if he does think I'm a weird-o for eating cottage cheese with fruit, but at least he introduced me to something 100x better and created my love affair with.....The vegetarian breakfast burrito....:)

Amazingly delicious!

The additional irony is that I am actually surprised to admit that while I don't miss much from our Louisiana life, I do really miss my job & working with soldiers....and the constant sunshine......and my old running trails straight out my door. But I also have come to realize that there are some things that will forever bind me to my Army wife friends who ended up winding themselves into my hardened heart, as there is often an ability to understand that which cannot be explained to others. So to them I offer my love and happy vibes to bolster them through all the beautiful and difficult moments of being an infantry unit Army wife.

Like everyone, we'll continue to change both individually and as a couple and life here won't always be all sunshine and roses, but its incredibly fun to feel that we're somewhere in a honeymoon stage that we never had....

....and it's great to feel that all the heartbreak, anger, and sadness actually feels it was worth it based on the reality of what we truly DO have together..and which is evidenced every day in our current existence.

So take it with a grain of salt...I just broke every rule in the book and aired some half-dirty laundry.....but the truth of the matter is, at least its all come clean.... ;)