Awesomes of Late

So again amidst the chaos, we must look for the good things. Life is a slight cluster...or maybe a large one....and people keep asking me how in the world I'm keeping on. This might be a case of avoidance--no lie, but it also might be a case of trying to focus on the many blessings and positives that do continue to exist even within the madness.

So what are some of the things I'm loving right now:

1) Keb Mo. He's awesome. And his songs make me want to dance. I hope they make you stage mini-dance parties in your kitchen with your dogs too:

2) A weekend pretty much spent with Tall D. Lots of realizations occurred and deals were struck. He and housemate G will be moving out by end of next week for real and Z will move in as planned. However Tall D and I had a great weekend together---happy hours at Old Chicago, drinks with our other old housemate downtown, a soak in the hot tub at Tall D's new apartment, movie rentals, sleeping in mornings, summer dreaming, errands (the most fun of which included a trip to Costco to get things for his new apartment and the mini-dance party we staged in the aisle of REI as I tried on backpacking packs), good food, good coffee, good drinks, and even a trip downtown to the Portland Farmer's Market for a biscuit breakfast:

We've tentatively agreed upon spending one day a week together to connect over the summer and we'll try to take a backpacking trip together over to Central Oregon for a long weekend. Summer has always been a good time for Tall D and me, so as much as he needs his space and time (we both do), I will definitely miss our regular adventures too.

3) Purchases! I know, I usually try not to spend, but folks I went a lil ballistic this last weekend and I bought the following awesomes:
a) My first official backpacking pack. Cut for a woman thank God! It should be arriving soonish.
b) Replacement Klean Kanteens. A larger insulated one for me and one of the 16oz ones for Tall D.
c) New summer sandals---potential sunny weather and travels? Yes PLEASE!
d) New/replacement Vibram toe shoes. Old ones are wearing thin!

4) This purchase deserves it's own number. 9 years after the first time I saw it and started pining for it....I finally broke down this weekend and purchased one of my dream art pieces. It's a painting by one of my high school best friend's dad and I've been in love with it all these years. I finally decided that if he still had it and would give me a reasonable deal....I'd get it. Check went in the mail yesterday! SO EXCITED to claim it this weekend.

5) Bro got his tattoo! Looks great :)

6) Tonight I gave the first of two finals of the week and organized my online courses. As of Thursday afternoon I hope to have this term wrapped (WHOOOSH! Huge relief) and next term planned out. I also plan to take a few vacation hours next week from the veterans position so I can actually enjoy a few days of true vacation.

7) I've started working out again. Sunday was Insanity (SO good to get my core busting its gut again), yesterday I ran 3.6 miles with the dogs and tunes, and today in-between jobs I seriously dripped and slipped in major sweat to another Insanity DVD. NEED TO KEEP WITH IT! I've also put my foot down about eating the delicious items the vets bring in to tempt me with in the center and I've been bypassing all the cakes, cookies, etc.

8) This weekend I'm headed to the parents. I have mixed thoughts as my hometown is where so many good memories of Tall D and I exist.....but Mom's retirement party is Saturday and it's father's day Sunday....and some salt air and friend time should be great for my soul too.

9) These chickens are just too much. a) First they got snarled at this morning by the dogs for consistently trying to steal dog food out of the bowls and they went hightailing it wobbling across the yard. b) How can you not smile at a chicken staring in the window at you?!

And that final picture is what I'll leave you with folks. Hope you're enjoying some great items of late also!

Decisions, Decisions.....

It's like these mass updates keep occurring :) but don't worry, I promise there are some fun things also.

I guess major announcement #1 is that Tall D and housemate G are still living in the house so far, albeit they're paying rent on their apartment also. The main reason behind this is that Tall D and I have been trying to figure out where we currently stand, because last week a prior decision was reversed for the time being, honest communication ensued, and hopes for a future (either together or apart) were shared. There have been major conversations since then and lots of time spent shared together---but we're still no where closer to a decision on which of three main paths to walk down. There's still much to work through..... and if I'm being authentic...then honestly I feel like I'm avoiding listening to my heart AND to my head. Avoidance isn't usually my subscription to life, but no one wants to be the one to make a final decision.

All this ties into announcement #2 which is that plans for the summer are on a stand-by. I've been looking forward to a summer of simple pleasures--river floats, hiking, gardening & yard work, travels, happy hours, etc, interspersed with my summer work schedule. While I recognize that all these things are still viable options, I'm not sure how readily they'll still pan out the way I'd envisioned. (Envisioning!!) Additionally Tall D's and my indecision places Z and Tall D's new apartment mates G and J in limbo as well.....

Ha--now add onto all this the end of the term that both Tall D and I are working through. Tall D's trying to bring his grades back toward his 4.0 status and I'm trying to finalize my students grades and prep for summer term. It's looking like I'll maintain in my other position until a new hire can be brought on, which extends my original contract into mid July. Great for the paycheck and my extra responsibility of bills (cell phone plans have already been broken up, half the utilities transferred to my name only, and did you know that car insurance goes up when you're separated?!), but I'm really just ready for some sort of a break this summer. But then again who isn't?!

And all of this leads directly into announcement #3: I've been asked by my supervisor to apply for a fairly big position within my campus...and per the usual I have mixed feelings about applying for it. I honestly don't even know that I could land the job because it's several steps above where I am now, but the recommendation from my supervisor would go far and the other campus administrators have all been impressed with the work I've done in my position this year. I meet many of the qualifications of the position, but I can also guarantee that they'd hope to get someone with more experience than what I have...and it's another position where I feel the fact that I'm only going to be 30 would be unnerving for some. I know I have the ability to do the job but it's also full-time, potentially high-stress, and I would have to give up most of my teaching.

Thus, in life currently, there are many DECISIONS, DECISIONS.

Now I promised some awesomes and I won't fail to deliver....although if you know me on Facebook, you've already seen many of these:

1) This lil' critter I found alive (albeit traumatized) hidden in my closet this week. Looks like Major lost one, but thankfully the bird was rescued and released (mainly) no worse for the wear.

2) I'd been pining for this awesome elephant mug from Starbucks for the last week or two. After sharing that bit of intel with Tall D, he hunted one down and had it in the cupboard to surprise me. Definitely has been making me happy as I sip my morning coffee.

3) My new passport arrived. The irony of life is that it arrived the same day that Tall D sat me down for our change-in-direction conversation. Whether or not it'll get used this summer as originally planned, I honestly can't believe how fast it came and it's still nice to have it available.

4) My buddies Z and B helped my aunt, uncle, cousin, and I rip out my aunt & uncle's old deck on Sunday. In one long day of fun work we got the whole thing removed, enjoyed lots of jokes, indulged in some great lemon drops, and ended the night with an impromptu dance party in their living room. FUN DAY! (Plus some of the wood from the deck is transporting to my place for chicken coop construction.)

5) Last Saturday I did my first organized running event: The Starlight Run which leads off the Starlight Parade. Tall D probably won't be very happy I'm including him in a picture on the blog, but I wanted to document so here we go. He, myself, and one of his college buddies ran the 5k together through downtown PDX. Costumes are encouraged, hence the ram's hat on his head. The run was a ton of fun and we even saw B and B's dog in the crowd! I've been getting a few other 5k runs in during the last week and with the help of Tall D's and my friend who is deployed, I plan to start training for a half. Woot woot---NEW GOALS! :)

So amidst chaos, enjoy the awesomes! How have y'all been?

A Life Update: Bittersweet

How does one update a month that has been so full of decisions and upcoming changes? Well, I'm taking the easy way out....I'm gonna use bullets. ;)

--I spent the most amazing, restoring, and refreshing vacation I've had in years in San Antonio over a long weekend mid-month. I visited one of my favorite gals from one of my grad programs. We spent a day in Austin, which I've always wanted to see, and afternoons walking along almost every section of the river walk. We enjoyed evenings drinking wine, ate loads of great food, and spent numerous hours laughing and catching up on the past year. In all reality....I loved it so much that I didn't want to come home.

--Which also sort of led/finalized the biggest decision of the month/year, but one that has been a long time coming: Hub and I are separating. Now don't get me wrong, I love my husband more than words can ever express but there has been a lot missing for a long time...and I finally decided that it's time for me to try to be happy...even if that means having to be on my own again. I know it sounds so cliche to say that I want to be happy because I know that we aren't always happy in life....but for numerous reasons, I haven't exactly felt that I can ever make my husband happy....and that's been a hard pill to swallow for the 3/4 of our marriage that I've felt that way. I still truly believe in what we could have had together, but we both have to believe in and be willing to pursue that...and along the journey of us attempting to live somewhat cohesively together, I've also lost myself while trying to fit into what he needed from life....I became that woman that I always hear about and yet shake my head in disbelief.

--So what does this mean? Well, it means that I'm still going to care about him and I still love him. The ball is in his court as to what he wants this to be, if anything, in the long run....but he also knows that I expect to be cherished and truly loved in return. And he'll probably need to work through some stuff in order to do so. So for now, we live as wonderful housemates until this summer (we seriously do live incredibly well together), when he'll try to find a place on his own and decide if he just wants a break or for this to be the end. Regardless of the outcome and the marriage we've had, I truly believe in this man....and the future he might have.

--The secondary part of all this is that while of course I'm sad, I'm also relieved to finally be standing up on my own two feet again...and to have heard honesty come from him. I've already spent most of our marriage in disbelief and sadness, so in a sense I feel....a little more free.  Free to just be me, just as he's been doing, and to stop worrying about what I'm not doing right for him. In all honesty, my ring came off the day I finally made my decision and while I sometimes miss its place on my finger, it's nice to feel like it's okay to make decisions just for myself again...and to follow my heart wherever it takes me.

--All this being said, I'm slowly telling family and friends--many of whom haven't known that any issues existed. I have yet to tell Granny and I'm honestly dreading doing so.....

--In the midst of all this, coworker moved out. It was amazing to have him, but it's nice to have a bit more space in the house again. Back to hub, myself, plus hub's friend.

---However I have to say there have been some great moments lately:
-- We had a wonderful weekend of sunshine last weekend, which included a hike with hub, hub's friend, my brother, myself, and four dogs. We ended the day with a salmon & burgers BBQ at our house that included a good buddy of mine and another vet too. The evening wrapped up with games of washers and bean bags.

--Monday afternoon brought another hike with my good buddy and the dogs, and a major heart to heart conversation ending in some good decisions for him.  Singing country songs on the drive into the woods, an evening of pitchers of old school PBR, and grilled cheese off country roads left me feeling like its summertime....

--The trees are blooming, there are spring showers, and next week will be week five of the term. Teaching has truly been my reprieve and as interesting as my new classes have been, it's been a blessing to have those three hours two nights a week to just forget the rest of life and pour myself into my passion. I turned in my official resignation for my veteran's position and will no longer be in that position as of mid June. The irony is that as much as I need a break from that position (and in some ways it also led to me realizing much of what was missing in my marriage), I also will need to be looking for another part-time job to supplement my income if I am to return to being a single woman. I'm scheduled out for teaching through December and have some savings, but I'll still need an extra cushion come fall.

--Both my supervisors have proven to be amazingly supportive and empathetic....and while there is much event planning and details to get done in the next weeks, I've been encouraged to take personal time for myself as needed.

--The last two weeks have also brought out the amazing support of my friends, both new and old. I've been able to get together with many of my in-town gals already and I've constantly got texts coming in from others just letting me know they're available as needed. Ironically, the hardest ones for me to see right now are family, because as much as I know it shouldn't get to me.....any thought of divorce always makes me feel like I'm letting down the family name....

--Tera (our broody chicken) finally stopped brooding and has rejoined the rest of the world. It took a few days of tossing her out of the kennel and shutting it off, but she's back to her regular pecking activities. We continue to get about an egg a day. In cat news, the bell collar is not enough to stop Major---we've had two more birds (including a large robin) since hub snapped a collar back on him.

--Draw Something. It's my newest Iphone addiction thanks to my gal in San Antonio. She's playing it. I'm playing it. Hub's playing it. A few of my vets are playing it. You should play it too ;)

--And all things considered, the summer is looking good. I'm still planning on trying to road trip it with my girls to AZ for my 30th. My gal Heather and her hub just got "orders" to be stationed near Savannah, where my best friend and her hub are stationed---so I'm crossing my fingers that I can budget a trip out to see all of them still during my break in September. There's talk of a July trip to Hawaii for the wedding of one of the vets from the center....and there just might be another amazing dream trip for the end of August. Beyond potential hikes, river floats, fishing, gardening, playing with the dogs, beach trips, BBQs, and camping--the summer regulars.

In all gray clouds....we must look to the sun that could be just around the corner.

Coconut Creme Brought Such Happiness

It's the long awaited post on.....coconut creme. Coconut creme creamer is a deliciousness I first saw mentioned in a post by another blogger---and since I love some coconut flavor these days, I finally found it in our local stores. While I definitely recognize prepared creamer is oh.so.not.healthy for hub and I, it's one of our habits we picked up when we got married and it's one I'm not yet ready to shake. Before hub and I got together, I used regular soy milk and some brown sugar, but now that we've switched to espresso there's just something oh.so.delicious about legit sugared creamer. (Please do as I say, not as I do in this case, dear health students.....)

So imagine my surprise when I posted a picture similar to the one above on Facebook, only to have commentary ensue about how there were healthier, less-processed alternatives available! Oh my word----I was in heaven!!! Forget the fact that I was being schooled.....I was being schooled!!!!! :) And I loved every.single.minute of it. Comments got added about where I could find homemade alternatives and how others were integrating less-processed, more natural homemade food into their lives. Rock my world---natural living is truly going mainstream....and I couldn't be happier. The fact that these comments and resources are routinely showing up on social media (Facebook and Pinterest, etc) and are being shared frequently leaves me OH SO HAPPY.

Which leads me to discussion on one of my high school best gals (of whom I have received permission to post about on this blog---I always try to ask permission before mentioning people). My best gal D is an Oregon gal through and through, although in many regards she and I have been incredibly different individuals throughout the 15? years that we've known each other. (Good golly 15 years!) We met in high school Spanish class and learned to enjoy each other as volunteer partners at our community hospital. And we've had all sorts of moments in between since then full of unconditional love and other moments of butting heads, which is why I consider her husband and her to be more like additional surrogate siblings rather than just my friends. (Plus have I mentioned my hub and her hub share a best friend, which is how hub and I met?!)

Over the years, D has read my blog off and on and while we haven't shared the same viewpoints on many things, becoming a mama this year has most definitely made D quite a bit crunchier....and while I'm always proud of who she is, I'm even more oh so proud of the advocate she's becoming. This lady is constantly teaching me new things about natural mama-hood and providing me links to things that I might pass on to others or one day want to know for myself. And really she's developed quite the following cause in a lot of ways she's the perfect candidate to educate others AND have them listen. Cause here's the thing: most the time when I post something about toxins, chemical exposures, natural living etc on Facebook people skim over it because it's just another post coming from liberal, public healthy me.....but the most amazingly awesome thing is that when D posts something similar people ACTUALLY pay attention, read, learn, and frequently attempt change. D has the uncanny ability to breech both worlds---those that are still very much in the mainstream mind frame and those that are already in or starting down the path of natural parenting/living, etc. And while it might sound cliche, it's legitimately a beautiful thing to be watching and I'm 100% enjoying learning from D as well. This year it's been such a joy to watch her develop via her pregnancy and birth her adorable lil man, who has created such a deep love within his mama. And the addition of watching her find and share this passion has been an even greater gift.

So here's to all the ways that natural living is becoming a new norm....and I'm oh so hopeful that it will keep continuing!

The First Egg & Other Awesomes

THEY DID IT!

Our first egg. I discovered it when I went out to check on the ladies this afternoon. It's itty bitty but it was there! There was a second attempt at an egg that was a thin membrane that had torn during "laying" and the yolk was spread out on the bottom of the kennel. So really there were two in one day. Pretty exciting! I didn't expect them to start laying so soon, so it definitely was a nice surprise. :)

We have a full bag of all-purpose chicken feed unopened in the garage, so now I'm contemplating going and getting an egg-laying feed to mix in. But I'm so excited. The irony of all of this is that we just bought 18 eggs yesterday at the store, because I've been eating eggs like crazy lately for the extra protein! ;) We'll see if they continuously lay or how they end up going....but I'm so impressed. As much as we don't think of our animals as our kiddos, I felt like a proud mama hen today!

Other awesome moments of today:

-SUNSHINE and 50 degrees!

-Wearing a skirt w/ bare legs

-Finished work-out day #38

-Happy hour with my cousin

-Hub & friend joining at end of happy hour

-Hub picking up the check :)

-DVR'd episodes of WNTW & Dear Genevieve

-Catch-up chapters from last month's book :)

-Text exchanges with military friends

-Avoidance of grading & work! ;)

-Monthly phone call with M&D

-Chickies out into the great outdoors

Moments of a Friday Morn

You know those moments when mindfulness falls upon you and you hold those snapshots of vision close to your heart all day? Hub and I had a lot of those moments that we pointed out to each other the weekend after we got married in order to hold us through some of the separate moments we'd spend in the months after. Sometimes though, mindfulness is less of a daily ingrained habit and something we stumble upon only in passing. This morning, I'm not sure if it's the groggriness of the cold I'm attempting to halt or just the relief of the end of the work week (for the most part), but I definitely recognized some of those snapshot moments this morning.....

Hub might kill me (not really) but here are some of those moments of the morning:
---The gentle chilly morning air hanging low and appearing like a protective coat around the community.
---Hearing the smack smack smack of Major swatting my chapstick off the dresser this morning and turning to see him sitting as regal as a king (at least a king in his mind!).
---Hub coming in to check on me still snoozing this morning, wrapped only in his towel after his shower---whit whew!
---Roxi licking my hand happily as I ventured out of bed and propping her paws up to "assist."
---The dogs excitedly following hub around the house hoping to tag along to campus.
---Major darting and rolling around the house all morning like he was a forgotten member of the mission impossible team.
---Gratitude for counters that have been wiped down, hot coffee, and delicious toast.
---And hub all bundled up for his first attempt to ride his bike to catch the MAX to campus, turning on his way out of the drive way with a wave and "toodles!" ;) Haha.

I've got fifteen minutes to throw on my outfit of the day and head out to a different campus to attend the afternoon session of the teaching conference being put on by my college. This evening I'll do my P90X session and hopefully make it another 100 pages in the book club book (which is to be discussed tomorrow morning--ironically I think I'm enjoying it the most out of everyone!). Tomorrow after book club, hub and I are maybe going to hit up BodyWorlds but the couple on the corner that we've enjoyed are throwing a birthday party for their lil girl so we'll have juggle what all we can attend. More assignments to grade online and from my in-person classes and prep-work are scheduled for Sunday, and a longer than normal work week coming up this next week too---woosh!

The extra busy of this last week (juggling meetings, micromananging employees, coordinating a donation drive on campus to raise money for a local non-profit providing services to homeless and low-income veterans, marketing at club fair each day, responding to the usual veteran needs and issues, weeding through 50-100 work emails each day, letting my boss know I'm not re-applying for this position next year, teaching conference attendance yesterday and this afternoon, and still teaching/prepping/grading my courses and responding to their emails) with the added extra busy of next week makes me glad for a morning of mindfulness and rejuvenation.

Hope you have your own moments of mindfulness to take with you through some of those extra busy moments of life! Sending postive thoughts, energy, and prayers your way!

What a Year it Was--2011

Honestly I hadn't thought much at all about the year that had passed as we rang in the new one. For some reason, I think I've been anxiously awaiting 2012--even though the year has some apprehension for me too (those zombies!).  However today as I started my work-out in the garage with flakes of snow slowly falling from the sky outside the window, I started thinking about everything that passed during the last year:

MOVING
March saw us crossing five states as we made our exodus from Louisiana back to Oregon with a 26 ft moving truck, our two vehicles, two cats, and two dogs. We came back to friends and reaquainted with family. We soaked up the beauty and "green-ness" of Oregon. We bought good beer, good wine, and good food. We visited the coast and mountains. We recycled more, enrolled in green energy, built raised beds, planted & harvested fruits & veggies, made soups & salsa, and got chickens. We spent our first married holiday with our families. We got used to no sales tax and good coffee, but we miss sweet tea, good running trails, friends, and pumping our own gas.

MEMORABLE CELEBRATIONS
July brought with it another "nephew"--the first child of one of my best gals and what an incredible bundle of love he's turned out to be.
August saw Granny celebrating her 100th birthday--something I had given up hope of arriving when she'd broken her first leg visiting us in Louisiana the summer before. While her mind is not as agile as before, the woman never ceases to astound me!
August also brought a renewing visit from my eldest brother for Granny's celebrations and an absolutely perfect day float trip down the river with extended family and a few friends.
Bridesmaid duties intersected a portion of the year---supporting my gal N, selecting dresses, (attempting) throwing a bridal shower with her family, and in the fall being a part of the special day!
A first Christmas split between our various families & friends---a crazy holiday party, trips to see holiday lights near and far, Central Oregon visits, and relaxing moments with the parents.

VISITS FROM FRIENDS
New Years 2011 we celebrated with four of our favorites in New Orleans. A memorable trip it was with spooky stories, Burboun St, live jazz, and delicious eats.

This summer we entertained friends from Chicago for a week--showing them Portland, river floating, and a trip to the coast.

The holiday season brought back to Oregon some of my nearest and dearest from places like Georgia, Canada, Arizona, and California. We made new memories and shared old ones.

And we spent many memorable moments catching up and visiting with friends here in Oregon on the coast, in the city, and in the mountains too. And then there was the start of book club...and there's no need to explain more on the awesomeness of what the provides to my life.

GOALS ACHIEVED
Hub started toward obtainment of his bachelor degree and earned his first 4.0. We made small strides toward increased sustainable living with canning, raised beds, & chickens. We spent more moments with family and friends, including hosting in our rental home. We've painted walls, ripped out plants, and composted. We've made it over half-way thru paying off his truck and my student loan finally dipped into a lower ten thousand category. We attempted the Clean diet, lodged hundreds of miles by foot, and started P90X. We bought a new bed, used wedding ring, and a longer-term vehicle. We donated more and increased our saving.

NEW JOBS & ROLES
The move saw both of us leaving positions we were good at for uncertainities of what lay ahead. Hub got into his school of choice, but decided on the easier commute. He left his role of soldier for that of student with a bit of relaxation and unemployment inbetween. I left a job I loved to move right into a new position which utilizes my degrees. I've gotten into a great department, trained on some new skills, and started into another position that brings both fulfillment and frustration in one.

OUTDOOR PURSUITS
We hiked up heights and along trails, we camped, we floated rivers and walked along beaches, and we learned to run together. Hub took his bud on a 50+ mile hike down the coast, completed the 30 mile trail in Forest Park, and hiked alone around the Sisters Mtns in central Oregon. We took my cousin and her boyfriend camping. Together we went on my first backpacking trip, explored new areas of central Oregon by foot and truck, summitted our first (mini-) peak, and re-set my personal record for distance on a run before we left Louisiana.

LIFE LESSONS
This year brought a lot of moments of questions and lessons. In leaving and returning, we learned who our truest friends are and had to ask ourselves big questions about our desired roles in our families. We contemplated a separation this summer but in the end kept true to our commitment. We talked briefly about future life goals, desires, and plans....and spent moments relishing in the beauty that we currently had. We learned that expectations rarely are true to life, but in other moments life provides more than one could have ever expected. And we learned to continue to be open to what life has to offer.....and with that I'll leave you with a great quote from Pinterest:

Image from here.

And many other moments left unmentioned. A full year it was and I imagine that 2012 will be much of the same!

Some Pretty Great Things of Late

I've been noticing some of the good things that are coming in big and small proportions and just felt like mentioning a few of them here:

---I already mentioned the wonderful surprise of an extra paycheck!

---This evening I had my great almost weekly text check-in with my great gal N. She continues to indulge my text-rather-than-talk desire and I always enjoy our text conversations. I'm so incredibly fortunate to have her as a friend! :)

---Last night I also had a great check-in phone call with Granny. I haven't been as good about calling her as regularly as she'd like, but yesterday I made sure to touch base with her and it was a wonderful chat to boot!

---This evening also marked start of week 2 of P90X and I made it through the first DVD that kicked my butt on Day 1. That's not saying I could successfully do every exercise as demonstrated (especially since the abs-are-ON-FIRE!), but I'm in week 2--woot woot! (And I didn't fall over upon waking up this morning either!)

---Tonight I picked hub up from the MAX (above ground city transit/train) station after he spent the evening downtown having a good time with some of the vets from college. This is the second week he's met up with one of them downtown and it makes my heart happy to see him making some buddies! I also enjoyed picking him up as it wasn't too overly late. Plus the temp had dropped toward freezing and I was able to watch the steam rising up from the sewer vents on the drive.....and the foggy windows appear due to doggy faces riding in back with excitement to go for a ride. ;)

---And speaking of the Sorento....on New Years it just solidified how glad I am that I went ahead and got the vehicle when I did. For the second time this season, we threw the far backseat up and made the rounds picking up and filling all 7 seats on our way into downtown for dinner and back to celebrate. Wouldn't have been possible with the Honda and so I feel slightly less guilty about trading in the gas saver for the gas guzzler. In fact, I'm pretty sure I remember a shared smile and "pound" as we picked up the final two of our 7 and realized how awesome it is to be able to do so!

---Our landlords never cease to amaze me. Hub had found a coffee table they were storing in the shed among all the lawn stuff when he was rearranging. It's a thick tree slab that's been treated on the top for protection, but the stump on the bottom is untreated. Hub was afraid the bottom was getting warped as it was just covered with thin plastic (and it's BEAU-TI-FUL), so I emailed our landlords asking if they'd mind if we brought it inside and put it to use. (One thing you need to know is that our landlords are incredibly caring and open people, who already had offered us appliances, washer & dryer, furniture if needed when we moved in. They're just that nice, folks!) She emailed me back stating that she'd love if we'd use and care for it for the time being and now it's hanging out as our coffee table in the den:

Amazingly beautiful, no?

---Today was one of those work days when you really recognize that you're impacting the lives of the workers and students around you.....and in a good way. I'm fairly certain I've made the decision to go back to just my part-time teaching position for the 2012-13 academic year, but there are moments when I really think I'll miss this other gig. I'm so thankful for the jobs and supervisors that I have....and for the freedom to make decisions about these positions. However in leaving this summer, I'm also hopeful that I'm creating the right opportunity for someone else who needs it more than I.

---Every once in a while I feel like the Big Man Upstairs sends me the same message over and over, hoping that I'll get it. I've been writing and reflecting some on where I used to be in regards to my view of the world and my belief about my duty within it. I also just started this book called Serve God, Save the Planet that a lot about these same issues and is reminding me of where my thoughts used to be and the life that I used to try to maintain. Then tonight I found this blog post by Jen Hatmaker, who is an incredibly beautiful individual in her own right. Generally speaking I don't like to read lengthy blog posts, but hers always speak to me, almost directly. Check her out.

---And last for today is this amazing item that hub picked up on his grocery stock-up at Costco this afternoon. Sin Dawg Bread by Dave's Killer Bread (check out Dave's story here). Local, organic, healthy-ish, and oh.so.delicious! You do NOT want to know how much of this I devoured by myself after hub left this evening (cough....over half of one bread roll!!), but I just couldn't help it's deliciousness calling to me from the opened package on the counter. LOVE!

Image from here.

Merry Days are Here Again!

Christmas has come and gone and there have been oh so many memorable moments in the making between our two treks to the coast and a trek over to central Oregon.

Just some of the awesomeness of our holly-days:
---Hub & my shopping trip to purchase clothes for the family sponsored by my work center
---Dropping off the deployment care package boxes and seeing just how amazing people are in their support of our troops
---A holiday Christmas party with hub's "family"
---An entire afternoon with one of my local hometown gals
---Two weekends of quality time with my M&D
---Two days of time with hub's father & grandmother, including a delish salmon & butternut squash dinner cooked by hub
---A most amazing dog park in the middle of Bend, Oregon
---A quasi-shower/appreciation brunch for one of my best gal's & her beautiful baby boy visiting from Georgia
---Cuddly time with said "nephew" and moments in the presence his parents aka two of my dearest friends
---A four hour drive "home" with hub & one of my best friends from high school---it was the first time we'd seen each other in three years
---Plenty of doggie smiles and excitement from the back of the Sorento
---My cousin who willingly cat & chicken fed, mail gathered, and all other things which encompass caring for our house during our adventures away
---Hub & mom's cinnamon roll making
---Christmas afternoon/night with my brother & his wife, including watching National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
---Two trips out to see the amazing holiday light displays at the coast; one with hub's fam and one with mine

---An incredible beach afternoon with hub, the dogs, & my two gals and their families

---Actually putting the Sorento to it's use crossing the mountains, hauling 6 adults using the third row seating, and also transporting 3 adults, 2 dogs, and baggage on a separate occassion
---Participating in the bowling fundraiser to raise money for the "Mr" competition held by our high school
---Donating change in the Salvation Army red pails
---Hearing Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer and Feliz Navidad, plus a lil Bing
---Candlelight church services (during which hub dropped his unlit candle, which rolled down the tile floor to the front of the church.....)
---Seeing some of my previous church mentees
---Facetiming with my brother in Colorado & his boys
---Christmas texts with my sister
---Hunting down snow for the dogs to run through
---Mom & Dad's gorgeously decorated Christmas tree......and watching their kitten climb up it

---Dad calling the cinnamon rolls "mixed gender" aka with nuts or without......
---Our dogs running around M&D's back yard and tucked up in their beds in the back of dad's truck at night
---Dad's tarp strung up across the patio to give the dogs shelter from the rain
---Hub taunting M&D's kitten with his remote control helicopter they got him for Xmas
---Christmas carols in Sunday morning church
---Morning coffee with two of my high school bests
---Late mornings with hub & I snoozing in our matching twin beds ;)
---Mom's hilarious stockings hung on the chimney with care....and helping to fill them

.....and the listing could go on and on. But these moments are some of the ones that make me so incredibly glad that we could be back in Oregon for the holidays. Our first married Christmas actually spent with our family and friends, and I personally think it went incredibly well. Here's hoping next year's will be just as grand!

We've still got a family happy hour tomorrow and my baby cousin's wedding this coming weekend, plus drinks out with a friend of mine in town tomorrow night. Then we'll ring in the New Year with my buddy & his gal visiting from Canada and to finalize "break" we're hoping to get in a snowshoe trip with another of our favorite Portland couples too. THIS is exactly what I've been needing after the long fall term and it couldn't have unfolded any better than it did--I feel most fortunate and blessed.

Hoping each of you celebrated a wonderful Christmas surrounded by those you love and hold most dear. What a blessed season and yet what a wonderful season full of opportunity for us to GIVE. Love and hope to each of you!

Fall Favorites

If you're on my facebook list, then you've seen most of this photos but these are just a few of my favorite simple fall moments thus far. Driving through the leafy streets with hub today, I realized that I'd forgotten just how much I absolutely love fall!

We're trying to make it as long as possible without turning on the heat in the house. The first goal was October 15th and we've made it that far. We'll see if we can make it to November 1st, especially since I'm hosting book club here on the 27th and I always hate making guests suffer. ;)

The last few weeks have remained crazy busy with days starting with checking my email before getting out of bed and ending with responding to work emails anytime between 10pm and 12:30am. I'm teaching night classes on Tuesday and Wednesday evenings until 9pm so on those days I get home about 10pm, and overall I've been putting in between 50-60 hours each week between the two jobs. I knew the first three weeks would require extra time and I'd been handling my stress well, but a negative comment from another employee pushed me to a bit of a breaking point on Tuesday and left me in a bit of a funk until Wednesday night. The irony is that I finally went for a legit 3.5 mile run on Monday evening and I'm also wondering if the sudden change in my lazy pattern didn't spike more of a physical stress response than normal. Although I've been doing a pretty poor job of taking care of myself and practicing what I preach as a health instructor.....so I must get back to the routine for all around benefits.

I put in 10 hours of grading and exam prepping yesterday and was able to create my first "non-work" day today for the first time since mid-August. It felt amazing and I almost didn't know what to do with myself. I ended up just doing the regular weekend things as most of the fun things I wanted to do weren't on hub's list of ideas for the weekend. However it felt amazing not to feel as if I had one hundred items hanging over my head--not that there aren't one hundred things still to be working on but at least I don't feel that any of those items are need-to-get-done-today items.

I'm hoping that I should be able to pull a more regular schedule for the next few weeks and luckily it's exam week which makes for an easier week as an instructor. In the midst of the craziness there have been some great little moments that have made the last few weeks enjoyable:

---Hub made his second batch of salsa
---We harvested our pumpkins and visited the local farmer's market
---Today the ottoman hub's been wanting was on sale so we brought it home
---It's cider and pumpkin beer season!
---Positive feedback from workers and students
---Excited greetings and cuddles from our furry creatures
---Nabbed a quick hair/bang trim from a favorite stylist at my walk-in place today
---Pay days
---Fireplace heat
---Comfy sleeps in the new bed
---Pumpkin pie, apples, soups, and delish strudel muffins
---Turning and falling leaves, spider webs, and chilly days
---A phone call from my brother visiting Peru needing translation help
---An evening spent with my baby cousin advising her on her upcoming transition into Army spouse
---Catching up on episodes of "Dear Genevieve" on HGTV
---Donations via checks, bags to Goodwill, & books for deployment boxes
---Espresso at home and coffee re-fills at the office
---Cat naps on quick breaks home before teaching
---Organic yogurt and canned peaches for breakfast
---Sundays of take-out pizza
---Scrubbed clean of grime tubs & shiny faucets
---Beautiful brides & left over flowers

Hope each of you has been well and embracing the changing of seasons in your own neck of the woods--best to each of you!

Letter to a Military Spouse

This has been going around Facebook and I decided to hunt it down online to see if I could find the author. I know this won't apply to everyone, but I've been feeling the need to pass it on to my military wife gals, especially those currently supporting a deployed spouse or looking toward a deployment in the coming year. I can't speak from experience as by the time I met hub he'd just returned from a 15 month deployment, and luckily he didn't have to deploy at his final duty station for the first two years of our marriage/relationship. But for all my military wife gals, here ya go:

"Letter to a Military Spouse

While I have never had the pleasure of meeting you and your husband, I felt the need to write you and express a very deep feeling that I have in my heart.

I as a person, am not brave. I do not tackle things head on, as I hate confrontation. I will travel 100 miles out of my way just to avoid a conflict. I am a American woman that has no idea what is going on in the military other that what I hear on the news. I never had to let go of someone so that they could go fight for people that they did not know, people that sometimes do not appreciate or understand what they are fighting for.

I have never had a sleepless night of worry because of a report that another bomb has exploded and I still haven’t heard from my husband. I have never had to wait for months on end to hold the one that I loved so.

I have never had to tell my children that daddy wasn’t coming home tonight because he was so far away fighting for something that they aren’t yet old enough to understand. I have never had to hold my head up high and suppress the tears as I hear that it will be at least another six months of separation before my loves one gets to come home.

I have never had to deal with a holiday away from the one that I thought I would share every day of my life with.

And I have never had to feel the panic, rising in my heart at the sound of a ringing phone or knock at the door for fear that it is the news that everyone is terrified of getting.

For the reasons listed above, I can not tell you that I understand how you feel. I can not tell you that you must be strong. I can not say that you shouldn’t be angry, because you " knew what you were getting into when you married a military man." I can not say these things because I have never had to walk in your shoes.

What can I say for certain is that because of your unselfish acts of bravery and your husbands willingness to stand up for those who see him as "just another soldier"—- I will never have to walk in your shoes.

I do understand that a military wife you are expected to uphold a certain amount of control , but I never understood how you could do it, until now. I have figured out that you are not like other woman. You are of a special breed. You have a strength within you, that holds life together in the darkest of hours, a strength of which I will never possess. The faith you have is what makes you stand out in a crowd; it makes you glow with emotion and swell with pride at the mention of The United States of America.

You are a special lady, a wonderful partner and a glorious American. I have more respect for your husband than I could ever tell you, but until recently I never thought much about those that the soldier leaves at home during deployment.

Until this moment I could never put into words exactly what America meant to me.

Until this moment, I had no real reason to… Until I heard of you.

Your husband and his military family hold this nation close, safe from those who wish to hurt us…. But you and those like you are the backbone of the American family. You keep the wheels in motion and the hearts alive while most would just break completely down. Military families make this nation what is today.

You give us all hope and you emit a warming light at the end of a long dark tunnel.

Because of you and your family…I am able to be me. I am able to have my family. I am able to walk free in this great land. Because of you and your family, I can look ahead to the future with the knowledge that life is going to be okay. Because of you and your family, I can awake to a new day, everyday.

I realize that you are a stronger person than I will ever be because of these things and I just wanted to take the time today to say thank you to you and your family for allowing me that freedom.

I will never be able to repay this dept to you, as it is unmatchable. However, I hope that you know that no matter where you are… what you doing… what has happened today…or what will happen tomorrow…your husband will NEVER be "just another soldier" to me… And you, my dear sweet lady, will never be forgotten.

You are all in my prayers everyday and I pray that God will bring you back together with your loved one safely.

Sincerely,
Melissa G. Bouldin-Reeves"

Oregon Showers Finally Bring May Flowers!

The lined up pink & white azaleas in back.

Front courtyard-left view from door.

Filled-in hanging basket.

Rest of courtyard view.

Fuschia w/ my ol' weathered chime---that sucker has moved from Portland to the coast to the valley to the coast to Portland to Louisiana and back to Portland---8 years, snow, perpetual rain, coastal wind gusts, and humid 100 degree days---a bit of tape and floss holds one chime on but it's still holding strong!

Purple lilac.

Pink rhodies.

Red azaleas surrounded by iris yet to bloom.

And purple iris under the front windows.

Spring has finally officially sprung!

Marriage, Cottage Cheese, & 2 Years in the Making

So....how do you eat your cottage cheese?

You might think this question to be somewhat strange, but until I got married I was 100% sure that people always ate cottage cheese with sliced fruit. (I mean the cottage cheese and fruit are both served near each other in salad bars and MY family always ate it that way anyway.... ;)). So imagine my surprise when hub thought it (and several of my other food tendencies passed on via my fam's norms) were totally and completely strange. (He eats it plain or with honey---just in case you were wondering.)

So I thought of this again when I had a craving for cottage cheese yesterday and I ate it with cranberries, walnuts, & agave syrup---something that was even strange for me but I wanted to try something even more different and outside my norm....

Where is this going you might ask?! ;) Well this post is somewhat overdue...because really it's been on my mind since before we moved back, ever since we moved back, and oh many times in between. Its something I've discussed with some of my closest friends and its something I tried to touch on to others since returning in order to explain that two years has the ability to change individuals. And it also has to do with someone awesome in our lives coming over to our house last week---who mentioned that she and her husband have been married for 30-40 years but the first year was just royally horrible (aka they almost divorced).....and my husband and I chuckled and thought to ourselves "Thank God for honesty...."

Because, honestly, (here goes....) I think we sorta love hearing other people talk about how hard it was to start out....because for us, it was INCREDIBLY hard starting out. (In all honesty, it was harder than my dad having cancer, my favorite grandfather's death, and all my years of undergrad & grad school). .....And this means, that I probably wasn't overly "authentic" on this blog (nor with many people in my life) for my first 1.5 years of my time in Louisiana......because, well, really you don't want people back at home (or across the world) to know just how hard, how lonely, and how lost you (aka me) feel....and because the last thing you want to do is make anyone worry (because, I mean, that would just make it way worse ;)). (Throw in there the fact that I was raised and generally believe that one should not "air their dirty laundry"....) Now many factors come into play beyond JUST the marriage that made it hard: lack of social support/community, my lack of employment/purpose for six months, limited outdoor pursuits, lots of red tape and social expectations, social age differences, ....and I could go on. But honestly, as much as we knew marriage would be hard....neither of us expected it to take the path that it did for the first 6-12 months of our time together...and that is one thing that I won't necessarily explain or go into on this blog.

So why am I sharing this now? Maybe it's to clear the air. Maybe it's to try to regain authenticity. But maybe it's also slightly because I feel it's important to discuss that I am a changed person because of marriage itself but even more so because of the last two years. Do I still have MOST the same values? Sure thing, but I can also tell you that I care less about many things than I used to, I can cuss like the best of the soldiers, it feels incredibly weird to have everyone around me want to hug me, my mouth has learned to shut on some political and social topics, for better or worse I'm more blunt to most people, and for the last year I haven't been constantly thinking introspectively or even very deeply at all. I also don't cringe anymore when I throw away a plastic lid or a pair of ratty underwear, but I will still dig used batteries out of the trash. I don't like looking people in the eyes when I talk to them anymore, I'm far more impatient (which was something I always struggled with anyway), and for the first month of our return it was incredibly difficult for me to even really talk in depth about any of the big issues of the time or answer too many questions about myself.

And maybe I'm sharing this now....because I truthfully feel that that particular round of tumultuous times and rough start has passed (although I definitely expect others in the future at some point--we're human after all), and now an incredibly enjoyable period of our life has arrived. It's my belief 100% that a large part of it has to do with leaving the Army/infantry environment and returning to an environment that has many of the things that we love. I do feel it's important to state that we did have good times down there, but the last three months of our pre and post transition have honestly been some of the happiest and most blessed of our marriage. These three months have made me firmly believe that we truly did know what we were doing when we ran off and got married and re-solidified the fact that I married a man who is so different from me yet so similar to my core. For the first time since my initial leave from Oregon, I realize that my husband is truly my best and most consistent friend.

....even if he does think I'm a weird-o for eating cottage cheese with fruit, but at least he introduced me to something 100x better and created my love affair with.....The vegetarian breakfast burrito....:)

Amazingly delicious!

The additional irony is that I am actually surprised to admit that while I don't miss much from our Louisiana life, I do really miss my job & working with soldiers....and the constant sunshine......and my old running trails straight out my door. But I also have come to realize that there are some things that will forever bind me to my Army wife friends who ended up winding themselves into my hardened heart, as there is often an ability to understand that which cannot be explained to others. So to them I offer my love and happy vibes to bolster them through all the beautiful and difficult moments of being an infantry unit Army wife.

Like everyone, we'll continue to change both individually and as a couple and life here won't always be all sunshine and roses, but its incredibly fun to feel that we're somewhere in a honeymoon stage that we never had....

....and it's great to feel that all the heartbreak, anger, and sadness actually feels it was worth it based on the reality of what we truly DO have together..and which is evidenced every day in our current existence.

So take it with a grain of salt...I just broke every rule in the book and aired some half-dirty laundry.....but the truth of the matter is, at least its all come clean.... ;)

Multnomah Falls

Last week we covered 17 miles on hikes: 11 miles with the dogs in Forest Park and then a 6 mile waterfall loop at Multnomah Falls. Multnomah Falls is the highest waterfall in Oregon and grants gorgeous views of the Columbia Gorge.

The main fall: Multnomah.

First 1.25 miles is constant incline with 11 switchbacks. It may have been 44 degrees when we started, but at switchback 7 I was taking off layers and switching out my beanie for a bandana!

Views of the Gorge. The highest part of this hike was 3x the highest elevation of the entire state of Louisiana! ;)

We hopped over mini falls crossing the back trails, crossed bridges, and enjoyed the amazing beauty!

We hope to go back to do the even larger loop that is available there and we're continuing to scout out more hiking options. Definitely beautiful and makes us so glad to be back in Oregon!