And Full Swing Continues

At this point I'm pretty sure that June and July were months of hesitation because August was going to be packed! So many amazing things this month and also some incredibly trying times too.

Our whirlwind trip with our friends from Chicago was packed and full of minimal hours of sleep. It was amazing to have them here and our two hubs were seriously ecstatic to spend so much time together. Beyond floating the river, we also took them over to the family beach house:

Their week trip wrapped up with a trip to Multnomah Falls and dinner out at one of our favorite funky Cajun restaurants here in the PNW. They both appear to be PNW converts, even if they have to stay living in the windy city.

The week during their stay included a breakfast with another visiting friend and was the bridal shower for my gal N, which went off wonderfully well. The food, decor, guests, and games all intermingled well, and it was wonderful to see the bride-to-be feel the love and appreciation from all of us in her life. She's an amazing woman who gives so freely to others and has dedicated her life to helping other people improve their situations, thus it was a total honor to be able to coordinate an event to let her know how much people adore and respect her for who she is and for who she will become. That week also marked the completion of my online training.

The end of that whole week marked a difficult time emotionally for me, as several realizations about my own life situation and marriage took place. Somewhere in there I celebrated my 29th birthday, marked by an entire day of purposely doing just about absolutely nothing. Hub was wonderful due to the fact that amidst his own frustrations and hesitations, he did still shower me with respect and care. This year he made a carrot cake that included coconut maple cream cheese frosting and took me out to dinner for sushi. The year 28 transitions easily into 29.

After a few days in which I needed to be present in Portland still, I attended my volunteer training session for the Portland to Coast event, met up with my bride-to-be for some good conversation and wedding related shopping, and then stopped by Granny's for a few hours on my way out of town to my parents. And let me tell you---a few days on the coast attending church, socializing with some of my dearest high school pals, a further drive down the coast to visit with another like-family gal and her kiddos, and love and support from Mom and Dad is all enough to mend one's soul and strengthen one's resolve and pride. Late night conversations with two of my dearest gals curled up on a bed just like we were 16 again did much to restore my belief in life time friends and in the beauty, compassion, vision, and pride in myself. These are the types of moments that Hollywood lives for and that we're lucky to have appear in our normal existence. After four days at home, I headed back to attempt to make my own house again feel like a home.

This last week has been filled with date-like moments with the hub among a whirlwind of other events. We hosted our neighbors for dinner. Wednesday was the last teaching session of the summer and this Wednesday is the final exam. Thursday I interviewed for the new part-time position, was offered the job on Friday, and I start training tomorrow. Thursday evening was the first book (& wine) club and it lived up to every bit of my hopes and expectations (even if I didn't quite finish all 500 pages of The Help). I am loving this group of gals and hope that the ties continue to grow over the coming months. Friday the hub and I spent a great afternoon downtown together which included buying him new (locally produced from Keen) hiking boots, checking out potential new beds and mattresses (Ikea was not a good idea on that account), and concluded with happy hour at Jake's Crawfish (AMAZING drinks and cheap, delish food). Saturday was filled with a full day's float down the Clackamas River with my family, hub's friend, and another couple friends of my cousins. It was a BEAUTIFUL day (we just finally broke 90 degrees for the first time this summer), and I ended the day with a girls dinner out with a visiting friend and her other Portland gals.

Amongst the craziness, my visit home left me restored and for the first time in a long time, I went to church two weeks in a row. Hub and I attended a new church last evening with my cousin and her husband. Spiritually he and I are in different places, but for the first time in a long time I walked out of a new church service feeling like I could be at home there. One thing I've been coming to realize is how difficult it can be to remain steadfast in the midst of uncertainty and newness, yet there are definitely some places I'd like to get back to, even if they are just places and values that are deep inside of me. I'm constantly in awe of God's provision this summer, as each time we've started to feel any sort of a pinch financially, a new financial opportunity has presented itself. Amongst the uncertainty I keep remembering to give and it seems that God continues to provide. I've started to pray again, a bit more regularly, and while I feel that my life is maybe in a period of editing and revision, I am hopeful that some of my old tendencies and beliefs will be returning. Especially as life heads even more into a period of full swing.

If there's one thing that most of you long-term readers have probably noticed, its that my blog gets really quiet when my internal life and thoughts become uncertain. So much for authenticity, eh? :) Although that's probably as authentically me as possible--pull it in and pull it home til it greats straightened out again. Please know that all of you regular readers (that I'm aware of) and friends, were definitely crossing my heart and mind in the interim---hope that y'all have been well!

Blue Like Jazz

I've had multiple people over the years suggest that I read the book Blue Like Jazz. When we got married and integrated homes, I realized the husband had a copy in his book shelves, so its been patiently sitting there waiting for me to open its covers. This past week I finally pulled it out....and fell in love with Miller's words and experiences.

The church discussed (Imago Dei) is actually one I went to sometimes as an undergrad in Portland (although I have mixed feelings about it now after a couple of my friends were mis-treated while seeking baptism and I'm never a fan of what happens when a church grows to mega-size). The non-profit I give to (Dinner & A Movie) is one mentioned several times in the book as well, although its never directly mentioned by name. (I actually first discovered it through Imago....)

The book itself is a great discussion of Christian spirituality rather than "Christianity" per se and is much more up my alley of what I agree with from a religious point of view. Its based on establishing relationship with all kinds of people, getting over ourselves, giving to God and to others, and keeping heart on issues of social justice. Loved it, loved it!

So here is a pieced together example from the book, which is probably my favorite section/message:

Obviously all words and credit to Don Miller (and I hope its legal to do this, if not then someone please let me know and I'll delete)....

"The thing I have to work on in myself is this issue of belief....Here is the trick, and here is my point. Satan, who I believe exists as much as I believe Jesus exists, wants us to believe meaningless things for meaningless reasons. Can you imagine if Christians actually believed that God was trying to rescue us from the pit of our own self-addiction? Can you imagine? Can you imagine what Americans would do if they understood over half the world was living in poverty? Do you think they would change the way they live, the products they purchase, and the politicians they elect? If we believed the right things, the true things, there wouldn't be very many problems on earth.

But the trouble with deep belief is that it costs something. And there is something inside me, some selfish beast of a thing that doesn't like the truth at all because it carries responsibility, and if I actually believe these things I have to do something about them. It is so, so cumbersome to believe anyhing. And it isn't cool. I mean it's cool in a Reality Bites, Welcome to Sarajevo, Amnesty International sense, but that is only as good as dreadlocks. Chicks dig it to a point, but you can't be all about it; you also have to want a big house and expensive clothes because in the end, our beliefs are about as enduring as seasonal fashion. In the end, we like Ethan Hawke even though we don't know what he believes. Even our beliefs have become trend statements. We don't even believe things because we believe them anymore. We only believe things because they are cool things to believe.

The problem with Christian belief--I mean real Christian belief, the belief that there is a God and a devil and a heaven and a hell---is that it is not a fashionable thing to believe.

I had this idea once that if I could make Christianity cool, I could change the world, because if Christianity were cool then everybody would want to deal with their sin nature, and if everybody dealt with their sin nature then most of the world's problems would be solved.....

My friend Andrew the Protester believes things. Andrew goes to protests where he gets pepper-sprayed, and he does it because he believes in being a voice of change. My Republican friends get frustrated when I paint Andrew as a hero, but I like Andrew because he actually believes things that cost him something. Even when I disagree with Andrew, I love that he is willing to sacrifice for what he believes. And I love that his beliefs are about social causes.

Andrew says it is not enough to be politically active. He says legislation will never save the world. On Saturday mornings Andrew feeds the homeless. He sets up a makeshift kitchen on a sidewalk and makes breakfast for people who live on the street. He serves coffee and sits with his homeless friends and talks and laughs, and if they want to pray he will pray with them. He's a flaming liberal, really. The thing about it is, though, Andrew believes this is what Jesus wants him to do. Andrew does not believe in empty passion.

All great Christian leaders are simple thinkers. Andrew doesn't cloak his altruism within a trickle-down economic theory that allows him to spend fifty dollars on a round of golf to feed the economy and provide jobs for the poor. He actually believes that when Jesus says feed the poor, He means you should do this directly.

Andrew is the one who taught me that what I believe is not what I say I believe; what I believe is what I do.

.....

We live for what we believe, Andrew would say....If Andrew the Protester is right, if I live what I believe, then I don't believe very many noble things. My life testifies that the first thing I believe is that I am the most important person in the world. My life testifies to this because I care more about my food and shelter and happiness than about anybody else.

I am learning to believe better things. I am learning to believe that other people exist, that fashion is not truth; rather, Jesus is the most important figure in history, and the gospel is the most powerful force in the universe. I am learning not to be passionate about empty things, but to cultivate passion for justice, grace, truth, and communicate the idea that Jesus likes people and even loves them."

Just a section, but the rest of the book is just as fabulous. A bit of humor, a bit of sarcasm, and a lot of thinking about reality. Take a look at the whole thing......