Split...and It Aint the Banana Kind

...although there is a container of Banana Split Tillamook ice cream in my freezer that continues to be steadily eaten away. But it's working toward official folks, Tall D (hub) and I will be no more. The conversation leading toward my knowledge of that decision occurred on Monday night and to say I didn't take the news very well is an understatement. I granted myself two full days off work in the middle of this week to grieve and despair. Ironically the timing couldn't have been much worse since we're smack dab in the midst of last minute event planning, it's mid terms, and Tall D's birthday was on Tuesday....however if there's one thing I'm continually learning, it's that life doesn't always go as planned....more on this in a second.

The one thing I have to say is that I am continually amazed and restored by the amount of love and support being bestowed upon me from near and far. Your blog comments bolstered me up and every day I've had numerous check-in texts from some of my dearest just to make sure I'm making it through that day okay. My good friends and some family have filled my time with happy hours, accompanying me on errands, and the occasional meal out. My brother (who also just recently divorced) even took a day off from work to hang out with a good friend and I--both of them wanting to ensure that I got out of bed. The friends of Tall D have offered me kind words and encouragement, and the guys who work in the center with me have all offered their own bits of kindness in their own ways. Both my supervisors found me coverage for my jobs--no questions asked. And even my landlord has offered her support when advised of the upcoming living arrangement changes. Even in the midst of my sadness, anger, and grief, I recognize that I am so incredibly blessed and fortunate. (And to be honest, I've been glad to see Tall D's friends also keep him company in their own way too......)

To say that my emotions are all over the place is also an understatement. Its sad to see such a big chapter of life close...and it honestly makes me feel a sense of failure toward myself, although I also feel that I did everything possible to try to make the situation, the marriage....better, stronger, truer, something. I never in a million years would have ever expected to add the descriptor of "divorced" in connection to myself. I'm sad and nervous to lose the routine and comfort of what has been my life, but I also daily am noticing the regrowth of my inner strength. Its frustrating not only to be realizing how long I let someone treat me less than expected, but also to be faced with the reality of what is to come throughout the ending of this process. I'm appreciating the honesty that has been arriving though. But regardless, I face the future with some apprehension and with a very guarded heart.

The catch of course also is....that I'm turning 30 (and beyond the dogs, cats, & chickens) am sort of back to a place that I never expected to be---and that is re-acquainting with my desires/goals and having the opportunity to just think about life being whatever I want it to be. No more worrying about how someone else wants life to be. No more worrying all the time about making someone else happy---I can truly think about what it is that makes me....satisfied by life and I have the freedom to again pursue that. And yes, I have to pay the bills, but I also now have the freedom to move should I desire, or take a new job, or even just to let the dogs cuddle on the bed with me if I want. And honestly I'm ready for it---for some time...to just get to know me again.

And of course there are some of the regular big changes ahead that come with divorce. The filing, the things splitting, the creation and transferring of accounts (although most of that has remained split anyway). Tall D and housemate friend will move out in June sometime and a friend of mine, we'll call him Z, will be moving in. Z's already planning on helping me make some of the changes in the yard I've been wanting and one of the guys in the center came over the other day to draw out designs for a chicken coop/run that he, Z, and another guy will put together for me. The coop will make it much easier to travel some this summer, in between when I'll be teaching. On one of my bummer days this last week, I also finally bought a bunch of starts and seeds, so now I just need to get them in the boxes.

I don't expect that the many changes will be blissful, but I do hope that the changes will bring renewal and restoration.....because that's really all I can hope for right now.

Much love to you and yours---here's hoping it's sunny and blessed wherever you are!

Shout Out for a Week

It's been a week of moments, some good, some frustrating, but such it is in a normal week of this thing we call life! This week has reminded me of the generosity of strangers and the love and support that can be so evident through family & friends. The hub and I have been covered in positive thoughts and prayer from individuals I've never met and from many who so deeply know just what it is that we need.

So this evening I want to give a few shout outs:

To my brother and his wife, my dear undergrad gal, and my cousin for investigating, photographing, and exploring potential housing options.

To my aunt for contacting friends who are involved in the rental market.

To my coworkers for listening to me moan and groan when I was at my wits end Friday morning.

To my texting friends and family, who have responded to my questions, encouraged me through my disappointment, and supported me from afar.

To my parents for agreeing to cat-sit for an extended while if necessary, even when Dad just might be allergic.

To the dogs who never fail to greet me with a smile and a wag of the tail and a million tons of energy.

And to my husband, who seriously carried the larger burden of contacting SO many potential opportunities throughout the last week, who has begun to join me on trail runs, who has been much more available the last several weeks, and who continues to love me even though my melodrama has been reaching new (or maybe old) levels.

I am blessed, I am humbled, and I am hopeful. Here's keeping fingers crossed and prayers lifted....

Anna & Roxi Got a Package!

When I checked the mail today, there was an anonymously ordered package of treats for the dogs!

Anna's anxiously waiting for me to open it. Roxi's too busy running around in anticipation to make it in the photo!

Homemade dog treats from all natural ingredients!

They were SO excited and seriously couldn't get enough.

It took me a couple hours to figure out who may have sent the treats to the girls! Prior to Roxi, Anna and I used to go on walks with another dog named Wall-E and his owner. Sure enough, Wall-E's owner sent the girls their own care package! Her sister-in-law is Chef Sarah of Never Spoiled, Just Well Loved Homemade Pup Treats out of Charleston, SC. If you're looking for a great gift to send a family pet, please check out her website. It's great to know that someone is producing delicious smelling and naturally made treats for dogs (and cats). The ingredients are simple, most the packaging was able to be recycled, and Sarah's willing to ship just about anywhere in the nation. (She also helped Wall-E's owner with delicious ingredients for his first birthday party!) What a great way to show a bit of extra delicious and healthy love to a neighborhood furry friend! 

Summer of Mail Love & A Personal Challenge

One of my favorite fellow Bloggers is Kathie over at Two Frog Home. She is such a wonderful and kind-hearted individual and does an amazing job of expressing her appreciation and care in many little ways. Thus when I was thinking of sending care packages a week or so ago, she was at the of my top choices of someone to send a little mail love. It turned out to be exactly what I needed to brighten my own day and in her thank you she told me that it also lifted her spirits after a long week. Now Kathie always does a great job of sending out little care packages, gifts, and notes, and she just started a wonderful summer challenge: The Summer of Mail Love. The gist is that in participating you agree to send one special somethin' (postcard, note, package) to some other person every week throughout the summer (from the summer solstice til the fall equinox). I intend to participate (even if by announcing it here, I might be giving some of you a heads up to expect something from me in the mail!) and it'd be great if others of you wanted to participate also!

Now don't worry from an environmental stand-point, I try to send things that can easily be re-used, used in their entirety, or recycled. Any packaging from me should should be able to be recycled and most the gifts I send should be able to be used (personal care products, food, etc). If there's something that isn't to your liking but you know of someone else who would enjoy it---then pass it on! I'm a huge proponent of re-gifting!

Now on a side note: The husband and I are participating in our own small challenge this week. He is giving up access to the TV from tomorrow until Friday evening and I'm giving up internet usage (except for when I have to use it for my job). We both like to point out each other's addiction to technology, so hopefully this will teach us something and if anything we'll probably read and play with the doggies more! Not that most of you aren't used to my lack of postings or blog comments most weeks, but at least this time you know why! ;)  Enjoy your own week!

Southern Manners & The Thank You

One of the books I purchased on my Natchitoches excusion a few weeks back was Suck Your Stomach In & Put Some Color On! by Shellie Rushing Tomlinson (The Belle of All Things Southern). Southerners are renowned for their manners and charm and the book itself I found to be really pretty entertaining. Many of the examples in the book reminded me of one of my coworkers who is a born & bred Louisiana woman and per her request I intend to loan the book out to her in the next week. Being here in the south has definitely made me realize that I will NEVER be capable of being a Southern belle (my husband is wonderful at honestly letting me know that I lack a certain amount of tact at times and I will never desire to wear lipstick, fry my food, or add body to my perpetually flat hair), but I found it interesting that several of the elements of what it takes to be a Southern belle are in fact general manners and hospitality that have been taught in my non-Southern family.  (Although I was reminded of several things that I should be practicing to be a better person and a better hostess.)

My mother was a wonderful example of welcoming guests into our home and always offering to get them something to eat or drink upon arrival. Containers of left overs were sent home with dinner guests and while dad was in the military the home was kept in pristine guest ready condition at all times in the event that someone would be dropping by. I've mentioned before how important it is to me to have comfortable guest settings both as a potential guest and for those that visit my home---a comfortable, clean place to lay their heads, clean sheets and towels, organized and clean bathrooms, and in prepartion for granny's visit we're working on better behaving pets!

Additionally, granny instilled in me her own lessons. Every morning upon waking up, you put your face on and get yourself ready regardless of what you're doing during the day. Its worth getting yourself ready even if its just for yourself. Cussing is a sign of a lack of education (although sigh, being around the military even I've slacked on my own rule on this one....) You always fix a bit extra in case of a potential extra mouth.....or for your own left overs! Your clothing should match, cover everything it needs to, and be age and weather appropriate. You don't talk back to your elders and you respect them. Attempt to be nice to all people. But probably one of the biggest lessons Granny taught all of us was that of the thinking of you card and thank you!  We were to send thank you notes within a reasonable amount of time and she wanted it to include information about what we had been up to too.

The thank you note is something I feel is being lost in our current society. I will readily admit that at times I have fallen down on it myself and its been months late in the coming, but nothing frustrates me more than sending wedding or baby gifts and not having any indication of it even being received. Because not only does the thank you note demonstrate gratitude but it also lets the sender know that the recepient did indeed receive the gift. In this day and age, I will readily admit that if my main communication with that individual has been via email then I'm in full support of sending and receiving email thank you messages. But if I'm needing to express my gratitude to anyone in a more formal setting, then the thank you is always sent in the form of a hand-written note. I send thank yous for gifts, for interviews, for scholarships, for networking opportunities, for supportive friendship, etc. And I definitely agree with the need to follow the set thank you pattern. Thank the sender for the exact item sent, express what you intend to do with or how said item benefitted you, express interest and care in the individual who sent it, and sign off with some sort of sign of gratitude/affection.

These thoughts about thank yous are some that have come up even in my line of work recently, as a client debated in a recent workshop about the current necessity of sending a thank you for a job inteview. I explained to this client that the thank you demonstrates your ability to be be an appreciative employee and to be part of a team. And I gave the example of one of my closest and longest friends who has never failed to get a job she interviewed for because a) she's a fabulous interview preparer and b) she follows the gratitude/thank you card to a T. Thus this week I've been glad to be the receipent of three thank you notes. Two from my care package receipents: my sister-in-law and a fellow blogger friend, and one from my nephew that had been misplaced by my sister (I'm pretty sure this was one of the few thank yous I've received from him!). Nothing makes my day at work more than a client who takes the time to send an emailed note of appreciation.

Its my sincerest desire that we should keep the thank you note alive! Why shouldn't we take the time to let others know how much we appreciate them, regardless of whether its for a routine event, unexpected item or demonstration, or just for being them? Let's keep the the gift of appreciation alive....keep sending those thank yous!

Goals, Gratitudes, & Update

The last few weeks have been all over the place but there is much to be thankful for and much that has been accomplished:

---2 care packages constructed and 2 notes sent off (all of which definitely lifted my mood)

---2 pairs of holey, old running shoes sent to Nike-Reuse-A-Shoe. If they were in better condition I would have sent them to one of the organizations that provides shoes to lower income countries....but they were pretty beat up. So this way their parts can hopefully be reused!

---New furniture is settled: Last weekend we got the king sized bed and yesterday the hub picked up our sectional.  Unfortunately it appears I ordered the wrong lay-out of the sectional, so we'll have to rearrange the furniture yet again to make it all fit correctly, but I suppose flexibility is the key.  And we finally have all the furniture that we need. Might be a couple more shelves/desk but that's it.  It's nice to have those purchases completed!

---Got the discount applied to our car insurance for the state of Louisiana and paid the six month premium in full yesterday. Spent some time yesterday better organizing a calendar of when my paychecks will arrive and which one is designated to my student loan payment.

---This is the first week of my 7-10 mile goal, and I made it!  Even though I didn't necessarily want to run the last two days....the goal got me there. Although I'm pretty sure it wasn't much over 7 miles, but maybe 8. My muscles are tightening in different ways now.

---Am looking forward to visits from friends and family. We purchased tickets for my mom and Granny to come out in August. Granny turns 99 and will finally make it the Big Easy (NOLA: New Orleans). Due to work/conference schedules, I'm going to miss a buddy of mine who is there next week but he's talking about visiting here for a bit in Oct/Nov! Another friend will be presenting at a conference in Austin in Sept, so work schedules presenting we might try to meet up with him again. And lastly one of my MPH gals landed a CDC fellowship in Atlanta (awesome!!) and may be able to stop by on her move in Sept/Oct. Definitely exciting!

--I just discovered Tom's Shoes.....and may be ordering a pair. I'm a lil nervous though as my ankles are really thin and have a tendency to pull out of closed back shoes......I wish there was a pair of mules...

---The dogs continue to keep us occupied with tons of smiles and love! I actually just looked out the back window and saw the two dogs and Major all sitting in a triangle.  I'm also cat-sitting for a coworker who has been on vacation this week.

---The hub has a new road bike and has taken up biking with several of the other guys in his group. This week they covered over 30 some miles in one ride. Its nice to see him working out other than his required physical training, even if this means I'll never get a P90X partner!

---Pulled my first vine-ripened tomato yesterday!!  We have about three more turning. I've picked two jalapenos and there are quite a few just about ready. The bush beans are just about done, but I'm pretty impressed with the handful I was able to get!  And the basil has bolted which I'm not entirely sure why it did that....plan on finally ordering the worms this week. The grass in the backyard continues to spread....and we had glorious rain pours yesterday!!

---I'm also thinking about doing some postings on job searching and resumes.....

---I spent the most amazing solo evening on Thursday: red wine, cheese pizza, dark chocolates, smiling dogs, the second CNN toxin special, and then Its Complicated--a chick flick and very entertaining!  Simple evenings are the ones that replenish my soul and keep me feeling alive.....

Hope everyone has had a great week!  Enjoy your weekend!

Just One of Those Days

Do you ever have those days when regardless of how much you try, you just wake up annoyed with the world? Maybe you're annoyed with the injustice that exists, the prejudice, the lack of industrial regulation, the pissing matches politically, the current state of national and global affairs? Or maybe its on a more individual and personal level--you're annoyed with your inability to trust important individuals, you feel rushed, you feel that no one truly understands, or maybe you're wondering if somewhere you've lost pieces of yourself?

It's on these mornings that I always wake up with the old Monica song floating through my head (maybe it's a throwback to teenage angst?!) "Just one those days that a girl goes through, when she's merry inside...don't wanna take it out on you.." Or something along those lines...

So I have to admit, I've been hiding away in my office today. Definitely glad to be at work where I'm here to help others that might need it however....and that's just the ticket I realized.  Nothing makes me feel better at times than to help others.  So in an effort to cheer myself up, I'm making care packages--something I used to do on a routine basis, but got away from doing in order to save a buck..or two. But in reading a post over at the Simple-Green-Frugal Co-Op, I've realized to feel more at ease, I need to do more than to focus on myself.  This is the comment I posted in regards to Frugal Trenches great post "Somehow it surprises me that people would think that the simple life is only about the individual person's needs. While I definitely agree it can "simplify" to think only of oneself, I somehow thought that part of authentic, simple living was to get to the point where you're living generously. To me volunteering or giving of one's self is a greater reward--even if it's just the smallest thing. "Volunteering" to give someone a lift to the airport, sponsoring a scarf drive for homeless in winter, donating an afternoon at a carwash... I think I'm a much happier, simpler, and authentic person when I'm giving more freely of myself to others."

And so I'm putting my own comment...back into practice.  Hopefully it does the trick.

The Kindness of Strangers

This morning I was thinking about the kindness of strangers. Its been one thing that I've noticed more about the south---just how much more people seem to go out of their way at times down here. Several times now I've had gentlemen and women go out of their way to open a door for me when my hands have been full and it just seems that so often people operate on a different level of respect here than what I have been used to experiencing. On my first visit down here I had noticed this difference when a man about my age went out of his way to wait for me and get my bag down from the carry-on compartment. This is the type of thing I rarely experienced in the Northwest, although even there....I've seen plenty of moments of kindness....

My husband and I had witnessed this first hand on our marriage weekend when we watched a SUV flip on an icy snowy road as it was headed toward us. The husband and several others all pulled over to help the man get out of his vehicle and get assistance, but I was amazed even more that almost every single car that passed the scene of the accident stopped to ask if they could be of service. It's moments like these when I feel the reality of humanity and believe that in the depths of our souls we do remember our connections to each other.

Thus its been nice to be somewhere where people seem to demonstrate these moments of stranger kindness on a more frequent basis. And its sort of renewed my own faith in humanity just a little bit more. Now I just need to remember to do these small acts of strangerly kindness myself.....

Sometimes, You Just Have to Roll With It

I have a friend from high school who was always very shy, but never failed to keep me quite entertained with the antics we would get into back in the day. So it never should have surprised me to find myself climbing trees, snipping branches, and keeping the spiders away from her while we gathered apples on a "vacant" lot this afternoon. I vaguely recall asking at one point, "Um are you sure we're okay to be here? I mean we're not 16 anymore and can't bluff our way out of trespassing." However, we made it through fine and gathered 2 large buckets full of apples.

What impressed me even more was meeting her cousin. Four years younger than us, heading off to the Peacecorps soon, and already able to brew her own beer, can, jam, and do just about any other "preservation" you can imagine. What a pleasant way to spend the afternoon. Picking, peeling, cutting apples and just chit chatting about girl stuff. I didn't stick around for the entire finished product (applesauce and apple butter) as I needed to get in some quality time with my family also today.

However how great to come back, get together with an old friend who I hadn't seen in over a year, and realize that sometimes our lives continue on similar value paths. The conversation included discussion on owning property, adopting children, trying to live more self-sustaining lives, and also wanting to learn the tricks that our grandparents survived on. Maybe if we can continue to support each other's dreams, we'll all be able to achieve them.

Tomorrow will be church and then she and I will take an afternoon hike along the coast. More pictures to follow. Enjoy the weekend!

The Human Connection (Community)

I know independence is an element that has been of primary focus within our nation and society for a long time (how about since its beginning?!). However it has come to my attention just how individualized we have become and how infrequently we tend to truly ponder how our actions will effect others. We also seem to have an inability to ask for help. In my thoughts (maybe it's just all the movies I've watched) I envision a past era of our history in which neighbors knew each other and asked to borrow a cup of sugar instead of driving to the store to finish baking cookies. When did we stop relying upon each other and solely relied upon ourselves?

In my example of yesterday, my sister-in-law's coworker went out of his way to help my brother and his wife with their fridge problem. However it seems that he was more than willing to do so and to help was his own idea. In a recent conversation with a friend I described how difficult it is for me to ask my friends to help me with life's difficult moments, yet I tend to also resent that they do not automatically help me when I do finally get around to asking them. Yet, when I rarely ask then how are they to know that I truly need them in my life. I apply this same thought to my neighbors. In my neighborhood, we have had several families transition in and out of the neighborhood over the course of the ten years. However the majority of the current neighbors have been in our neighborhood for at least two years now, and I wouldn't be able to tell you much of anything about them. I also would not ever expect them to ask to borrow a shovel or for me to ask to borrow a book.

Is it any wonder then that we sometimes find it difficult to remember to imagine what it would be like to walk in another person's shoes? When we are no longer truly connected to our neighbors, families, coworkers, and friends, then how can we expect to be connected to the random person we pass on the street? Yet we ARE all connected. We are all humans, struggling in this walk of life, hopefully trying to improve the quality of life on this planet. When I talk to my students, I often see how hard it is for them to accept people that are "different" from them. In trying to bridge the gaps they have created, I often try to have them imagine being in that individual's circumstances. This is something that I do in my own life to increase my empathy and patience for others. For example, I might imagine myself in the shoes of an immigrant, a welfare mother, a drug addicted street youth, a politician. By putting myself in someone else's shoes, even if only mentally, I feel that I am much more able to understand why some individuals make the choices that they do. And I sometimes wonder if sometimes individuals are driven to make poor choices, do to the lack of a support system in their lives.

From a spiritual and emotional stand point, we need to connect with others to solidify our faith and to create relationships in our lives that support us. We need to engage in giving AND receiving. And from an environmental and economic standpoint, just imagine what it would be like if we were able to share or borrow/loan items that we do not use on a regular basis. A group of neighbors could share a grill, a vacuum, or lawn items. Maybe neighbors could even engage in yardwork or house projects together.

I think it is of utmost importance though for us to restore the human connection, to reinstitute empathy for all others, and to reach out in giving and receiving to others. My challenge for everyone (myself included!) this week is to truly engage in community. Get to know your neighbors, before judging someone different than you-imagine yourself in his/her possible situation, sit down and truly connect with important people in your life, be able to ask for help from others and trust that people will help you solve the problem however large or small it is, and talk to others who you might otherwise not. If all of us improved the human connection on this planet, think of how much easier it would be to solve the problems that plague us individually, locally, nationally, and globally. Best of luck!