Authenticity Might Cause Strife

I've been reading the desire for increased honesty, openness, and authenticity throughout many other blogs in the last two days, and several have shared how at times they too censor their thoughts and/or postings so as not to offend readers. At times I've toyed with privatizing my blog so I can more freely post my thoughts, and then I laugh at the irony of how this blog was never supposed to become so personal but rather be a method to expose others toward a different way of living. So I'm not going to lie because this post might offend some who I hold dear because I want to write about....family--what it means to me, how it differs, and the primary family value that I hold most dear. (Censoring on this topic tends to occur because I have a tendency to be more blunt....so please, know that no injury is ever intended as thoughts flow out of my heart and mind.)

Now let me make it clear: I absolutely LOVE my related family. I feel incredibly fortunate to have been raised by my parents, who so deeply instilled within my siblings and myself a sense of individualism and independence. Without the two of them, I never would have been encouraged to so freely be myself and I never would have learned of the immensity of unconditional love. I enjoy my varied relationships with my siblings, and while each of us is incredibly different than the other three, I seriously wouldn't have us any other way. During the most recent half of my life, my extended family on both sides has taught me numerous lessons, and those that I interact with in my extended family most frequently bring me moments of laughter.

I'm also blessed with a family of friendships: my high school best girl who I consider to be my sister of choice based on a history full of both love and strife. And a handful of others who have been or were similar to surrogate cousins. And this is where a major difference comes in when it comes to my choice of friends: I'm incredibly selective in who I let in because I'm incredibly loyal once a friend transitions into my family circle.

As mentioned before, one of the hardest aspects of moving home this year was the idea of transitioning back into a larger family, although this is something I transitioned through once before as a child. Being raised in a military family, we were used to creating surrogate relationships wherever we were and our parents taught us to foster relationships with each other, with ourselves, and with our friends. People in our church became surrogate aunts & uncles. Our older neighbors were surrogate grandparents, and I, at least, fought like cats & dogs with some of my childhood friends as they become surrogate cousins & siblings. When we moved back to Oregon in my childhood, suddenly I had new aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents that I had never really had the chance to know......and at times it was an interesting transition (add on to this the fact that I will finally admit that I was/am a bit of a brat.) It took years for real relationships to develop with some of these relatives, some never did, and others blossomed and later withered. Trying to decipher this larger family image and understand my role in the bigger picture was something I still struggled with in my mid 20s.

Additionally, I generally find that my relationships with my family are different than others I talk to. I come from an immediate family of various ages. I'm closer in age to my two eldest nephews than my sister, but somewhere in my late teens/early 20s I developed great relationships with my two older siblings, while my middle brother had long been one of my dearest friends. I come from a long line of stubbornness, which also led me to stop talking to my maternal grandfather in the few years before his death--although being a stubborn soul himself, it's not something I imagine he held against me. The way I remember my paternal poppa is a different vision than the version I hear most frequently from other members of my family. To me, he will forever be a builder, a dreamer, a lover, a gentle creative soul, a man of quirky dreams, a deep laugh, and a twinkle forever in his eye. It is because of him that I am such a lover of my fellow human and education. Its rare that I talk to my parents or siblings more than 1-2x a month, although this doesn't mean we don't think of each other or deeply love each other. Some of my favorite high school family memories include long political and social conversations between my brother, father, and myself during the dinner hour. My earlier family Thanksgivings were full of moments of family gossip and deep sarcasm. My relationship with my father is incredibly strong and until I got married, I couldn't imagine another man, other than my father and grandfather, ever meaning more to me.

.....and then I got married, and discovered that it was possible to love another male as deeply.  And somewhere in our nine weeks of "courtship" I promised to introduce him to the one and only family value that I hold deeply in my heart: unconditional love. Hub's family life is very different than mine, as when I left Oregon to be with him my ties to my family both extended and immediate were incredibly strong, while hub's ties to his related family were slightly broken and a surrogate family had enveloped him in its place. And in two tumultuous years of total separation from our related and surrogate families, a different relationship based on hub and our furry friends (aka we don't consider our dogs our surrogate children) took its place. There's much that occurred during that time that I chose not to share with 99% of my family & friends, and instead relied on the support of a few and friendships of that newest of surrogate families: my fellow milspouses.

In our conversations about moving home, hub and I had several chats about transitioning into our diverse families and where potential boundaries might need to be implemented. Neither of us had spent much of any time beyond an initial introduction with the other's family, and while hub and I are equally similar and yet different, we come from very different blood and surrogate families. Hub is a private person (so much so that I sometimes feel guilty sharing so freely as of late), where I used to be much more of an open book. Hub has had to grow into a life of complete independence, where I come from an extended family that appreciates elements of codependence. Hub doesn't relish love demonstrated via touch, but I come from a family full of cuddles, arms over shoulders, and hugs. Marriage has brought us into some compromise, but we both attempt to accept the differences that do exist rather than push the other toward conformity.

In the months since our return, I have heard several times on one side the mention of the ways that members of our family should operate. I've felt the suggestion from other sides of family to better fulfill what could be seen as our family duties. I've returned to the internal pressure that I put upon myself to live up to the family expectations....and in so doing have cast over elements that I used to love about myself. And I've realized from other newer family how much I sometimes relish those old moments of myself which include spontaneity, crasness, and appreciation of inappropriate freedom. I've also seen another version of what my family value of unconditional love can look like. The reality is that the basic family value that was engrained in me from both immediate and extended family was that of unconditional love, and that is the one value that I will continue to hold on to and to demonstrate to my husband, to our related family, and to our surrogate family members deep in my heart. Unconditional love doesn't mean it's all rosy and pleasant however, and thus my version may at times be demonstrated differently than expected.

Truthfully the reality that I am continuing to come back to is that hub and I are our own family unit based on our own values, lifestyle, expectations, hopes, and dreams.....and even between the two of this that doesn't always equal out. Neither of us follow a pre-laid plan and both of us tend to desire to buck the expectations placed upon us. But this is the life that we authentically live, even if one of us tends to be better at it than the other. And with that.....here I go, starting to bang my drum! :)

Letter to a Military Spouse

This has been going around Facebook and I decided to hunt it down online to see if I could find the author. I know this won't apply to everyone, but I've been feeling the need to pass it on to my military wife gals, especially those currently supporting a deployed spouse or looking toward a deployment in the coming year. I can't speak from experience as by the time I met hub he'd just returned from a 15 month deployment, and luckily he didn't have to deploy at his final duty station for the first two years of our marriage/relationship. But for all my military wife gals, here ya go:

"Letter to a Military Spouse

While I have never had the pleasure of meeting you and your husband, I felt the need to write you and express a very deep feeling that I have in my heart.

I as a person, am not brave. I do not tackle things head on, as I hate confrontation. I will travel 100 miles out of my way just to avoid a conflict. I am a American woman that has no idea what is going on in the military other that what I hear on the news. I never had to let go of someone so that they could go fight for people that they did not know, people that sometimes do not appreciate or understand what they are fighting for.

I have never had a sleepless night of worry because of a report that another bomb has exploded and I still haven’t heard from my husband. I have never had to wait for months on end to hold the one that I loved so.

I have never had to tell my children that daddy wasn’t coming home tonight because he was so far away fighting for something that they aren’t yet old enough to understand. I have never had to hold my head up high and suppress the tears as I hear that it will be at least another six months of separation before my loves one gets to come home.

I have never had to deal with a holiday away from the one that I thought I would share every day of my life with.

And I have never had to feel the panic, rising in my heart at the sound of a ringing phone or knock at the door for fear that it is the news that everyone is terrified of getting.

For the reasons listed above, I can not tell you that I understand how you feel. I can not tell you that you must be strong. I can not say that you shouldn’t be angry, because you " knew what you were getting into when you married a military man." I can not say these things because I have never had to walk in your shoes.

What can I say for certain is that because of your unselfish acts of bravery and your husbands willingness to stand up for those who see him as "just another soldier"—- I will never have to walk in your shoes.

I do understand that a military wife you are expected to uphold a certain amount of control , but I never understood how you could do it, until now. I have figured out that you are not like other woman. You are of a special breed. You have a strength within you, that holds life together in the darkest of hours, a strength of which I will never possess. The faith you have is what makes you stand out in a crowd; it makes you glow with emotion and swell with pride at the mention of The United States of America.

You are a special lady, a wonderful partner and a glorious American. I have more respect for your husband than I could ever tell you, but until recently I never thought much about those that the soldier leaves at home during deployment.

Until this moment I could never put into words exactly what America meant to me.

Until this moment, I had no real reason to… Until I heard of you.

Your husband and his military family hold this nation close, safe from those who wish to hurt us…. But you and those like you are the backbone of the American family. You keep the wheels in motion and the hearts alive while most would just break completely down. Military families make this nation what is today.

You give us all hope and you emit a warming light at the end of a long dark tunnel.

Because of you and your family…I am able to be me. I am able to have my family. I am able to walk free in this great land. Because of you and your family, I can look ahead to the future with the knowledge that life is going to be okay. Because of you and your family, I can awake to a new day, everyday.

I realize that you are a stronger person than I will ever be because of these things and I just wanted to take the time today to say thank you to you and your family for allowing me that freedom.

I will never be able to repay this dept to you, as it is unmatchable. However, I hope that you know that no matter where you are… what you doing… what has happened today…or what will happen tomorrow…your husband will NEVER be "just another soldier" to me… And you, my dear sweet lady, will never be forgotten.

You are all in my prayers everyday and I pray that God will bring you back together with your loved one safely.

Sincerely,
Melissa G. Bouldin-Reeves"

Flexibility is King

"The best made plans are those made in pencil."

This is similar to a quote that was posted on an old friend's fridge for years and it's one that has stuck with me ever since I first noticed it. It's one that I consistently tell my clients as I attempt to help them de-stress and successfully plan their own transitions out of the military.

And it's one of the first thoughts that came to mind today when the hub let me know that a slight miscalculation on the military's part has pushed back the day we'll be leaving Louisiana by a few days. So we're doing what every good military family does.....we're being flexible. Maybe the new "plan" brainstormed today will follow through and maybe it won't, but we're rearranging what we'd started out planning and changing up reservations. We'll also be spending a few days with our pals down the road.....but regardless, this weekend, we've got to start packing!

So we're hauling out the boxes I've used, flattened, and reused for the last 10 years of moves. We've collected extra boxes from shipments to my office and the local GNC store. We'll haul out the old packing paper I've used throughout the last ten years and we'll pull down extra towels and bedding for packing filler. We'll pack what we can now from the kitchen and spare bedroom. We'll start to clean up parts of the house. And then we'll just enjoy what we can until we can get to the next stage of the moving process. But better to start now on what we can than leave it all to the end.

Hope you each enjoy a wonderful weekend! 

Take a Few Hours to Understand the Experience

So....(How many of my posts seem to start with this word anymore?!)

I never intended to write many posts about the military and I'm still holding most my final thoughts until after we are no longer active duty....but since the military is what surrounds me, is what currently defines my husband's life, and is part of the institution that employs me, then I'm sure you can imagine that much of what I think about is, well, the military.

I come from an area of this nation where most individuals are opposed to us being at war, but I don't ever feel that any of my friends or family are ever opposed to the soldiers themselves that are over there fighting. I like to believe, that for the most part, the nation does stand beside these men and women who are fighting and who are continuously putting their lives in harms way.

Now anyone who has been a long-time reader here probably knows that I have a mixed bag of opinions on the military, "defense" spending, the lack of services available to soldiers after separation, etc etc. I will whole-heartedly reiterate that I completely believe in my current job, however, and I feel honored to have the experience to interact with such a diverse group of individuals on a daily basis.

One thing that I think we as a society often struggle with is a sense of what it's like to be fighting in this current war. In all honesty, I was under the impression before coming here that we technically weren't at war anymore...but at this point, I can't remember if that was due to the media or a governmental decree or what. What I can tell you is that the military definitely believes that we are still at war and are active participants in Operation Enduring Freedom.

I don't feel that any of the media we see truly documents what the current deployment experience is like however, not that I would know exactly what that experience is or could be like. What I can tell you and urge of you is that you might seek out a recent documentary that my husband and I viewed on the National Geographic Channel. It's called RESTREPO, selected based on the name of an out posting built by a platoon (approximately 30-40 soldiers assigned to more or less the same duties and location) in memory of one of their fallen.

This documentary gave me my first glance at what the actual mountainous terrain of Afghanistan looks like. It exposed me to what an ambush scenario feels like, what it's like to be constantly exposed, raw, and potentially always in fear. It showed me how at times the leadership might lack, that the men bond and form a brotherhood in spite of personality and background differences, and it showed me how difficult it can be to be a soldier and yet need an opportunity to grieve. It gave me a snap shot of the experience that most of the infantry soldiers face and are currently facing, left me applauding the interviewed soldiers for their honesty amid the difficulty of sharing such innermost thoughts and feelings, and left me with an aching heart for these soldiers I serve on a daily basis and for those who have already separated and are attempting to integrate back into a world of civilians who for the most part have a limited understanding of their experience.

If you have the opportunity, please take the time to try to  understand this experience and view the film. This link: http://restrepothemovie.com/ will provide you with an overview and the film itself might increase your perspective. You'll probably walk away with new insights but you might also walk away with a stronger argument for some of your previously held beliefs. Regardless, I always think its worthwhile to attempt to understand another human's experience and to gain a better, more honest picture of what is going on in other areas of this world.

If you are in the US and a Netflix user, the film is able to be delivered via DVD although its not yet instant. And I can tell you via the soldier who sat along my side and from commentary from other wives, this film is a vivid snapshot of reality.

(Although a word of caution, you will hear the F bomb dropped consistently and this film is not suitable for children....)

Thinking about Veterans

Today I'm thinking about veterans.......


Since I work with individuals separating from the service, their family members, and/or individuals that already are classified as veterans, then this probably comes as no surprise to any of you that are regular readers.....However sometimes even I get caught up in the daily grind and forget just what it means to be a soldier/veteran in today's society.


Now don't me wrong, we work with some interesting individuals at times, but in our particular office we operate by Teddy Roosevelt's quote "A man who is good enough to shed his blood for his country is good enough to be given a square deal afterwards," and based upon that we believe in providing services and attempting to meet the transition needs of anyone getting out of the service for whatever reason.


But some days it hits me and tears come to my eyes as I drive to work across our installation, just how many of these individuals I'm driving past will be put in harms way in order to serve alongside their comrades and to serve their nation, regardless of whether or not they themselves necessarily 100% believe in the war effort.  Many of the soldiers I talk to, work with, interact with would gladly deploy again in a heartbeat in order to help aide and protect their fellow soldiers.....and many do.


Today I'm in awe, of those who consistently put upon themselves to do, that which I know I could not do. 


Today I'm in awe of my client who deployed 4 times in 7 years and while he sustained his own combat injuries still performed CPR & first aid on 7 other fallen comrades during the same ambush. He wasn't even a medic and was one of the most modest souls I've met.


Today I'm in awe of my client who is a 20 year retiree and is a complete joy to assist. This particular client never complains, she consistently has a positive outlook and a smile on her face. Personally I am in awe of any woman, who managed the Army during the 1980-90s and is still coming out with a smile and bubbly personality after 20 years of service.


Today I'm reminded of all the homeless vets I used to talk to on the streets of PDX, offering a smile or a word of encouragement.


Today I'm in awe of the veterans who after years of being in the service, can come to any of us in the office and voice their apprehension and worries about reintegrating into the civilian world. And of those same veterans who after 20-30 years of service and a partial retirement check, still want to work and contribute to society.


Today I'm reminded of the individuals and families who constantly support and deal with absences of their spouses and parents. Who pack up every couple of years to a new duty station and transition into new friends, new schools/work, and almost entirely new lives.....for some of these individuals and families.....its a lifetime of their own service. 


So while we're still a few weeks away from veteran's day, I do encourage you to take a look around you and remain cognizant of the war that is going on and of the individuals who are out there fighting. If you know a spouse or family, support them in whatever way you can while their loved ones are deployed. If you know a veteran, let them know how much you appreciate them (although I will say that frequently the best way to do this is as quietly as possible....). If you are a praying person, keep our soldiers (both past and present) in your prayers. And please, keep in mind that frequently we're all walking alongside individuals who have been to war, even if they may not look the part when you walk alongside them in the grocery store.......


Because I don't know about you.....but I couldn't do what they do....

Just Call Me Negative Nancy (But w/ a Little Bit of Last Minute Hope Too)

So prepare for a word vomit as an old friend from high school would say:

Hub and I are sitting here watching the Green Zone, which is a fictional movie depicting the issue of the lack of weapons of mass destruction during the invasion to Iraq....and I have to say the movie has gotten me all fired up. Something about being reminded of the lack of intel and what may have been dubious reasons to invade Iraq. Something about the loss of so many soldiers and countless other lives just rubs me raw tonight. SO even though I just posted saying I wasn't going to say too much about my thoughts in this direction: I'm just going to say it...I whole-heartedly embrace our military personnel but I don't always embrace all the reasons why and locations where they are putting their lives on the line. And when I look into the face of soldiers every day, sometimes it gets to be a little too close to home.

Beyond that....these types of movies break my heart just in regards to all the different human rights violations that exist throughout the world. (Ie remember how I got started on all this anyway.....Blood Diamond.....)

So without holding back, I'm going to share a few more doomdayish thoughts running around in my head tonight--mainly in the form of two confessions:

Confession #1: Moving to Louisiana has made me realize just how sheltered and naive I have been about some things during my life. Moving to Louisiana also makes me realize how far the environmental and public health movements need to go for any massive change to be visible.....and I'm not so sure that it's going to be possible anytime soon (aka in the next couple hundred years) to turn the tides. Chemicals are too infiltrated into our bodies and our ecosystems. Land, water, climate, and biodiversity devastation has made it too far. But I truthfully believe in the reality, which is my father's final argument, that in one way or another the Earth will be the last thing standing and in time it will heal itself.

Living in Oregon I was surrounded by easy recycling, appreciation for the outdoors (even if not everyone actually took care of them), and individuals who were for the most part politically inclined citizens. Moving to Louisiana, I've learned that styrofoam actually does exist and gets used many times over daily, there are places in this nation where no garabage pickup happens so people burn it all, and even though there are laws mandating children attend school they aren't enforced and education does not always appear to be a top priority. Now, I realize I'm passing judgment. There are tons of things that Louisiana does have that Oregon does not, but one thing I will always appreciate about Louisiana is that its given me a sustainability comparion based on what many other areas of the nation can be like.....and it's let me see just how far people need to change in order for large-scale environmental and public health devastation to be prevented. It's also let me know that just passing regulation isn't going to fix the problems either as there seem to be plenty of regulations already in place that don't get followed. For example (again I don't mean to pick on the state) Louisiana has an anti-littering regulation yet the hub and I heard an annoucement on the radio a few months back that the state pays 4 million dollars annually just for litter pick-up from its public lands (you can find trash along almost every shore and land within the state).

Confession #2: I will also admit that being here in a less "green" state of mind, even with how much I care and know, I have slacked in many of my choices. We rarely use our tote bags anymore, there's regular shampoo alongside our hippy shampoo in our shower, almost all our produce is far from organic, our house is full of new furniture that's busy off-gassing all sorts of chemicals into our air, and the AC is always on at some level. I know we're huge steps ahead of many of our neighbors and friends here, but I still feel myself faltering more and focusing less the longer we're here.

But I guess in some way, even with all the falling down and doomsdayish thoughts....I still haven't given up hope. I don't know that individual choices are the right answer and I don't know that large regulation is the right answer. And I don't even know that I believe that the two together will be enough. While its hard to envision SO much change being accomplished, if I don't look forward then I don't know what other direction to look nor head in. So I must keep trudging ahead, trying to care enough to make a difference, but maybe not care too much to constantly let the big picture get me down. Because if I focus on the big picture sometimes......it does get me down. But here I go, plodding one foot in front of the other..sending emails to my reps, recycling what I can..and maybe, just maybe focusing on the values of my faith. While us Presbyterians are sort of an old crowd, I staunchly belive in the values of social justice, love, and stewardship which are key to our interpretation of the Christian faith. So rather than be a check-book sort of believer, then I just need to remember that my daily demonstrations of values are in fact a daily demonstration of my faith. Do what I CAN do to help others and the planet, and leave the rest up into the hands of someone greater than me......

Operation Homecoming: Writing the War Time Experience

So I decided a while ago that I wasn't going to share many of my own thoughts and opinions on the military, current wars, or soldier treatment until after the hub is no longer in the military and I am no longer working with soldiers. While this blog is primarily anonymously written, I also know that its not that difficult to figure things out thanks to the internet these days....and I've been raised to recognize that whatever I say/write now can reflect upon others that are connected to me AND can be brought back up years down the road. What I will say is that I whole-heartedly believe in my current job and in providing services to soldiers. And I'm recognizing every day that my opinions are currently in a state of metamorphosis thanks to my changing environments. 

I have many friends who think that the military can be a viable option for any individual who needs an income, secure health care &  housing, etc---however thanks to my job, I can wholeheartedly tell you: this way of life is not for everyone and anyone. (On a side note: The lowest level enlisted soldier makes such a minimal amount that if s/he has dependents, they qualify for state assistance due to income.) No one should think of joining the military (any branch) lightly, and the military isn't keeping just anyone in the service these days. On the other end of the spectrum I have friends who have a hard time understanding why anyone at all would join the military...

I will say that I think that every single soldier's experience is different than the next. Two people can experience the same event and have completely different view points, interpretations, and reactions to that same event---the same thing happens with soldiers. There are men soldiers, there are women soldiers. There are mechanics, pilots, supply, communications, human resources, infantry. If you want to know the break down of the different Army occupations you can find it here and Marine occupations are here. Keep in mind the Navy and Air Force are two additional branches of service, and deployment cycles and experiences vary based on branch of service and military job. What most people envision when they think of a deployed soldier who is fighting on the front lines is most likely going to be an infantry soldier or artillery soldier. However these individuals are only a percentage of the total military.

I'm sure that many individuals envision an infantry soldier's experience to be similar to the movies that are produced based on soldier experiences. While there may be some truth to those films, I will say that a lot of soldiers do not feel that mainstream films totally convey the experience nor demonstrate the truth. While we are still fighting two wars overseas, the public's focus on this fact and the amount of news demonstrated to this fact are limited. Even as a military spouse, my awareness and understanding of the soldier experience is limited. Hub isn't a big fan of talking about his current work and while I've seen pictures of his past deployment, that's about as indepth as we've gone. What I do realize some days more than others though is that most of the soldiers I work with have seen the face of war and several of them are headed back to it.

Last night I found a great instant stream documentary on Netflix (that mail-in & instant streaming movie rental program available here in the States for my foreign readers!) called Operation Homecoming: Writing the Wartime Experience. The Iraqi and Afghan wartime experience written by those that have been there and lived it. (The stories have been compiled by the National Endowment for the Arts.) What the soldiers wrote seemed to convey much more of the experience than what any blockbuster film could do. I would encourage you to check it out.....

Interesting Links & Resources for June 6

Ran out of time this weekend, so just titles this time:


Why Buy, When You Can Borrow? ---Whole Living magazine


10 Everyday Rituals for a More Meaningful Life---presented on Yahoo Shine


5 Toxic Chemicals That are Everywhere--CNN and definitely worth checking out....along with their entire Toxic America series


Real Change is Coming blog post by Rhonda at Down to Earth


Sun, Sea, and...Orphans? A Vacation with a Difference in Thailand---CNN and something I've always wanted to do.

Sent to us at work via email. Sad to see that others can so readily turn a blind eye to the grief of another and instead focus on themselves.... Washington Post's Seeing a Fallen Soldier Home 

Mississippi Looks to Iran for Rural Health Care Model---interesting given the recent health care debates and our current relationship with the Middle East.

Environmental Health New's: President's Cancer Panel: Environmentally caused cancers are "grossly underestimated" and "needlessly devastate American lives."

Sharing Spaces/Sharing Lives

As discussed in a previous post, part of the military life to me (and what makes any good community) is taking care of one's own. While I haven't seen this occur within our neighborhood per se, I did describe the generosity of several others in helping my husband and I set up home. I think I also mentioned how part of me feels that God has us here as a means to help support and provide for others who may need it. And since that realization we have had several opportunities to put it into practice.

We currently have another couple living with us. They just recently got legally married and were put on the post housing wait list for their own home with an estimated wait time of six to eight weeks. Until the home would become available they had planned to stay mainly in the barracks but also spend some time here. However the day that she arrived on post, the Army also issued her husband a roommate for his barracks room, so the two of them are living here with us until their own home is available. Luckily for all of us, we had plenty of space for them to join us and I'm pretty sure my hubby's been glad that I've had something else to occupy my time during the days.

Sharing the space has been going fine, although I'm trying really hard to not let my old organizational nature get the best of me. Since I've been occupying my time mainly by cleaning and organizing, my preference has gone back to the days when I really liked things to be just so. However it's got to be an adjustment for both of them living in our home, especially with many of the lifestyle choices that my husband and I do make. I've been impressed with both of their willingness to recycle and conform to some of our "funnier" ways (aka washing out plastic sandwich bags, etc), and rather appreciate that they don't seem annoyed when I do go around turning off lights and moving more items into the recycling. Lately, I can't help but wonder if some of these funny ways of living might stick and be implemented in their own home, but we'll just have to wait and see. It's a hard place to be--not wanting to impose your beliefs and choices onto someone else, yet also wanting them to understand and implement those practices for good.

In the last month or so we've had quite a few individuals over for dinner or BBQing, as we'd really like to have our home be a comfortable and open place for many others in my husband's unit to enjoy. Last evening we all had another couple over for the first time, who also are fairly recently married and newish (May) to the area. Sometimes I feel quite like the old wife amongst the 19-21 year old wives, but I can't help but think there is a reason for this too. Many of the other wives also spend most of their days sitting at home, alone, without any real resources or involvement on post, so the gal who is currently staying with us and I are attempting to pool together some of the wives to see if we can get some support started. If there's one thing I'm learning from my observations around here, happier wives lead to happier marriages which also, of course, lead to happier husbands.

In other news, I have been longing for many Oregon-esq things lately. Mainly being produce, sea breeze, access to a variety of natural products, like-minded individuals, and of course my family and friends (who also tend to fall into that like-minded category). The highlight of my afternoon on Thursday was having a 5 minute conversation with another wife in the on-post store about which water filter was better and why. To actually converse with another person who cares about these issues, takes steps to protect her family's health, and appeared worried about the local pollution....I seriously wanted to take her by the hand and ask her right then and there to be my new best friend! (I hesitated cause a) I didn't want her to think I'd gone crazy and b) she appeared at least 15 years older than me and with 4 kids in tow.) However I'm hopeful that maybe, just maybe there will be others like her at some point and I'm encouraged to even run into one somewhat like-minded individual at this point!

And with that I will close this posting for now. Still working on the volunteer/job thing. At this point, I think almost any job would be worthwhile just so I'm contributing something and utilizing the gifts that I do have to give. Hope everyone has been enjoying a wonderful weekend!

Searching, Searching...

The randomness and continual work days of my husband's schedule is ongoing, but it's still a joy to spend time together in the evenings at least. I spent most of this afternoon searching around online for opportunities to get more involved on post. There are some options for volunteering and others for getting involved in Bible study groups. I also decided to apply for a job that I'm over-qualified for and that isn't in my usual area, but at least would be a way to be helping out and bring in some extra funds. One of my primary goals for this next year is to really try to get our debts paid off.

I was hopeful I'd be able to find some interesting workshops or groups on post or in the local community, but thus far I haven't been able to turn up much of anything. However, in my searches I also discovered a bunch of wonderful and insightful blogs written by a variety of Army wives that entertained me for hours and left me feeling uplifted. It was especially great to find so many other liberal, educated, and independent military wives writing on the Internet about their transitions into this life.

I've just started reading the book Deep Economy and it looks like a good read. The husband and I also were able to attend the same church on Sunday and it dawned on me that maybe God has us here as a means to help other people.....there are a lot of people here who it seems don't have other individuals to depend upon. Since we've gotten here, we've hosted a lot of individuals in our home and hopefully will continue to reach out to others who could use a friend.

The one thing I will say about this life is that with so much transition, those that do interact with each other seem to take care of their own. One of the first couples we met here got out of the Army the beginning of July and we inherited quite a lot from them: baking goods, various food stuffs, house plants, and cleaning supplies. I've mentioned the rocking chairs we have on the patio left over from another soldier who left, and our futon and TV stand were also given to us by a fellow soldier that is an acquaintance of my husband. There is a baker's rack that is also waiting for pick up for our dining area that is coming from yet another soldier who works with my husband. Add to all that the continual garage sales from families moving from post to other posts and there's quite a lot available if you're open and willing.

Now it's just trying to improve community beyond the granting of free stuff and increasing my own involvement here as well. I finally put in a call to the Housing company today inquiring about whether or not they promote proper disposal of CFL lightbulbs. They do have a take back and free replacement policy, but the woman reported that they've never had issues with people wondering about the mercury in CFLS and how to properly dispose of them. Hmmm....maybe that's because most people don't know that CFLS actually contain the chemical and need proper disposal! So there might be some health promotion for me to do here after all.

Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend and is off to a great start of this week!

The Beginning of a New Life

Welcome to our patio....which is the most completed space within our home (well the bathroom looks pretty dang good too)! If you look closely you'll see a potted tomato, basil, yellow pepper, and a hot pepper. We probably have missed the actual growing season (IT'S HOT and on the way to get HOTTER) but we figured it was at least worth trying! The flower boxes and hanging basket are filled with flowers--new varieties that I have never seen before but that have gorgeous blossoms and apparently love sun. The two rocking chairs are some that were left by another soldier who changed units so my husband inherited them and we love them. We also have a friendly little lizard who lives where that white fence divides our unit from the neighbors on the patio, and he enjoys sunning himself on the rocking chairs as well.

It's interesting how one's life can go from running around with a full social calendar, working, and finishing school to worrying about how to put the finishing touches on the living room, doing loads of laundry, and making banana bread from almost rotten bananas. I'm learning my way around the military post and the surrounding area, and I have had to succumb I'm sad to admit to shopping at Wal-Mart. Although once the house is set up I'm hopeful that some of those trips into town will subside. I've been busy the last week just getting settled in, repainting my white furniture into brighter colors for the hubby, searching for part time jobs, checking in with the folks back home, and getting the two of us organized as much as possible.

There are some things that have surprised me about this place:
-Even though the produce section is much smaller, produce (and many other foods) are cheaper here "on post" than they were in Oregon.
-Pumping my own gas is faster and much more efficient.
-There is an on post thrift store that I haven't been able to check out yet, but hope to do so.
-There IS a summer farmer's market....while slim pickings....at least the tomatoes are delicious!
-We can recycle everything EXCEPT glass (which is somewhat shocking since you would think glass would be the most mainstream to recycle....in fact only three towns in the entire state recycle it and the closest to us is over two hours away....it still breaks my heart to throw glass away).
-I'm actually not a fan of sales tax.
-Many people in our neighborhood are very active--which is nice to see family members and neighbors out getting exercise together.
-The Louisiana beer I almost like better than our Oregon microbrews.
-And the commissary (grocery store) sells quite a few organic/soy/natural options for food stuffs.

The housing we are in is military associated and I have been glad to see them supposedly taking a more environmental approach. While it's definitely hot outside, the AC is set (except on extremely hot days) to average about 15 degrees below the outside temperature. This allows for relief but not AC overuse...even though there are moments when you feel like you're roasting or too cold! They also request that we replace air filters every month and expect CFL light bulbs to be used. However I plan on putting in a call within the next week to ask if they also have a "take-back"/safe disposal plan in place for the light bulbs. While the bulbs are more energy efficient, they are not some that I typically use due to the mercury content and the fact that most people do not have ready access to dispose of the bulbs appropriately.

The housing company is also starting a new policy which caps the amount of electricity usage a household can use per month. If you go over, you have to pay out of pocket an additional amount. If you are under the cap, the housing company will cut the renter a check. The husband and I already do a pretty good job of running around turning out lights, etc but we do have quite a few electronics plugged in routinely. I'm hopeful that in the next week I'll get my clothesline hung up in the garage, as all this extra heat leads to increased sweating which leads to increased laundry! But hopefully we will be able to end each month under the cap and get money back.

Finally being together means integrating our lifestyles as well as our preferences...hence the repainting of furniture, etc. It also means that we have to make decisions together on what foods to buy and what products to purchase and use. So far it seems that we are maintaining a balance between organic/less toxic foods/products and those that are mainstream. I'm hopeful that eventually we can be cooking and producing more from scratch thus controlling more of what's going into our bodies. We both have the ability to do these things, now it's just creating the time and energy to do so as we become more comfortable in our new environment. For me during this last week that has meant hauling my tote bags around into all the different stores I've been in and realizing how unaccustomed individuals here in Louisiana are to that behavior. However buying my less toxic laundry detergent also gave me the perfect opportunity to educate the checker when she asked me about the product. So there are good surprises and transitions occuring here most definitely!!

And with this lengthy update I'll close for the night! Hope all are well!