The New Circle of Life?

I don't always get the Bizarro comic by Dan Piraro, but today's I got loud and clear! Maybe we should call this the new circle of life....

Taken from http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/fun/bizarro.asp and Piraro's webpage can be found at: bizarro.com.

The Merry Moments of Christmas Celebrations

-The laughter of my nephews.
-The flicker hogging the bird feeder in the backyard.
-Peppermint flavored coffee with visiting friends.
-Baking cookies and singing carols at the local mission.
-Christmas Eve services.
-Smiles on my parents faces.
-Dinner at the Chinese restaurant and the opening of fortune cookies.
-Waking up on Christmas with no presents under the tree for me and being happy about it.
-Hearing my eldest nephew's happiness at the shirts I bought him and hearing the words out of his mouth that they were great because "he needed them."
-My sister's melt-in-your-mouth sugar cookies.
-Helping mom pick out wool sweaters requested by my brother.
-Christmas day phone calls from my siblings.
-Being stuffed with Indian food at the house of one of my high school friends.
-Having my best friend in town for the week.
-Realizing that she and I have kept in touch enough that we are still up to date with each other even though she lives on the opposite coast of our nation.
-Taking my sister and her sons out to the light display on the coast.
-Having my nephew make a wish in the wishing well for snow on Christmas and having it come true-the first time snow has fallen in the major valley cities of Oregon on Christmas since the 1930s.
-Holding the baby of my best friend's younger sister.
-Laughter with Granny in the kitchen as we worked on meal time preparations.
-Running down the streets in our neighborhood with my younger nephews.
-Feeling the softness of the rain fall on our heads last night as I hugged my good friend good bye.
-Reading next to the glow of the Christmas tree.
-Watching old Christmas movies on TV. Bah humbug!
-Fires by coffee ground recycled logs.
-Working on applications for new beginnings: school, scholarships, and jobs.
-Large cups of tea, fuzzy slippers, and big blankets to keep warm.

Hope you all celebrated a delightfully merry christmas!

Hope

The concept of HOPE seems to be a recurring theme as of late. However it is something that I feel that we must have in order to proceed forward. On Christmas Eve we went to the Eve Service at our church and tears sprang to my eyes. Somewhere in the midst of the two or three hymn that we were singing, my eyes settled upon the choir and upon two individuals in particular.

For years there was a vivacious, full-of-spirit woman who was a member of our church. She was a deacon, she led quilting groups, she was involved in Bible study, and vacation Bible school for the little kids. She worked in the front office of her husband's medical practice and always had a sparkling word and smile for everyone. She was a wife, a mother to a quiet son, and an incredible woman all around. She was full of faith, hope, and spirit, and about two years ago she lost her battle with breast cancer. Thus it was when my eyes landed on her husband singing in the choir, and on her only child sitting quietly behind the choir, that I couldn't help but recognize how sad at times the holidays must be for some individuals. And it was right after that moment that my eyes landed on the banner hanging in front of the church with the word HOPE.

The son and the father feel it. The homeless individuals at the shelter singing Christmas carols last week, they felt it. And in the moment when I looked at my father sitting beside me in the pew, himself a cancer survivor-I felt it too. And this is what the entire holiday season is about-the word of HOPE. For Christians, it is hope in the love and life of Jesus Christ. For others, it may be the hope that family and friends bring. And the New Year, brings hope for another year full of love, grace, happiness, health, and opportunities to bless the lives of others. It is my wish that each of you is feeling the HOPE of the holiday season, and believe in the capacity of healing. Continued Happy Holidays! May you receive the fullness of your heart in 2008!

The New Retail "Therapy"

Since they just don't make things to last anymore, here's how to put your cute, cheap shoes through therapy in order to make them last longer.

1. Buy the cute, cheap shoe.
2. Wear the cute, cheap shoe everywhere to reduce the CPU (cost per usage).
3. After several wearings, recognize that eventually your toes could poke through.
4. To curb pokage, cut a 3" piece of duct tape and apply to inside top part of shoes, making sure to cover where toes and their nails actually hit in the shoe.
5. Continue to wear shoe for months to come.
6. Replace tape as needed.
7. Eventually if shoe begins to slightly separate, carefully (so as not to adhere yourself to well...yourself) clean and super glue shoe back together.
8. Continue to wear shoe for months to come.
9. Repeat steps 4 through 9 until all efforts are futile to extend the life of the said cute shoe.

The above pictured shoes have made it through rain storms, miles upon miles walked, playgrounds with children, football throwing, dog walking, and many other spectacular events. However my mother was appalled to walk into the kitchen this morning and find me super gluing and duct taping them in "therapy." Something she's sure has become genetically passed down from my poppa to my father and now to me. However with cute shoes, no one is the wiser based on external viewing of the internal precautions of my duct tape! :-)

Doing Something

There's always a lot of debate about the validity of global warming and whether or not any of our current environmental problems are really something worth changing our lives over. However, whether one is right wing, left wing, or somewhere in the middle, I can't help but wonder: does it really matter if the idea behind global warming is correct or not?

I would hope that regardless of where one stands on these issues that they would recognize that the environment is indeed changing and that we need to make changes as well. I would hope that fundamentally people would CARE. If people can't care about the environment, I hope they would care about others. If they can't care about others, I would think they could at least care about themselves. And that they would realize that so many of the choices that we make today have negative effects on the survival of the environment, others, and on ourselves-generally hitting us where it hurts the most-through our health.

Without the environment and others, we are nothing. Without the environment we cannot survive. I have been attempting to formulate some different posts based on environmental health issues that I think are of utmost importance. Instead I am going to attach some links to some pages that I think are vital to understanding the underlaying issues of what is happening in our country and in the greater world.

Dr. Donohoe has written an outstanding article in which he compiled a variety of statistics based on the current state of environmental global issues. The article, "Causes and consequences of environmental degradation and social injustices," can be found here, and makes a fabulous resource. The website it is taken from contains a variety of other articles and slide shows discussing many of the other issues that are going on.

I recently found the video entitled The Story of Stuff, which depicts what really happens in the production and distribution of our consumer goods. It takes about 20 minutes to view it but is well worth it. Important to note is that so many of our consumer goods are made of chemicals and toxic products which are not researched and investigated before being put on the market. This was a fact I discovered multiple times thoughout the last term through my own research (including government sources) and in resources given to us in class.

And thirdly is the issue of the cosmetics industry, which in this case cosmetics includes all hair products, soaps, and lotions-so yes this applies to men too. While the US only has banned about 9 products, the EU, which uses the precautionary principle and believes that industry needs to prove that a product is safe for human use before selling it, has banned over 1,000. The Cosmetic Database is a website that lists ingredients and potential negative health effects of a variety of products. Another fabulous resource on this topic is a book that just came out by Stacy Malkan, Not Just a Pretty Face: The Ugly Side of the Beauty Industry.

While we might have diferent opinions on how we got to this point, and we might not all agree on what is really going on, I hope that we all can see that change is necessary. I hope that we all can care. I hope that we would believe in precaution rather than treating the problems. I hope we would believe in preservation of our resources, of our planet, of our faith, of ourselves, and of each other. I hope we would want to grant future generations with a healthy, safe, and beautiful planet. I hope we would want to stop the negative effects that have started and to keep bioaccumulation of toxic substances from impacting more of our future generations. I hope that we all would believe that change is truly possible and would begin to embrace what can be. I have hope in you and in me.

There's Hope...

Sometimes, after getting used to the ways of the city, it takes a bit of time to readjust to being back in my surroundings on the coast. The manners and mentality of the people are different and I sense myself noticing the differences. Although I have gotten used to being stared at while walking around town (as it's something that people just do not do here), recently I have had several instances of being pleasantly surprised by the members of my home community.

Yesterday was the first day I had been back in the high school to sub, and I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised. I taught mainly freshman and usually (and yes I know it's bad to make assumptions) freshman are all over the place behaviorally and tend to exude an air of immaturity. However the 100+ students I had yesterday, for the most part, behaved well, were respectful, and got their work done. They outshone the juniors and seniors that I usually teach. They were researching the upcoming political candidates and I was impressed by how they approached the topics and with how they processed the information. It left me feeling that there is hope for tomorrow after all.....

I also ran into several of my other students throughout the day yesterday. Coming from a "redneck" community, lots of students in this high school can be found wearing head-to-toe Carhartts and camo hats and have a "self" mentality based in rural Republicanism. However several of these students impressed me with the growth they had exhibited over the course of the last six months. Their ability to discuss more indepth subjects and to look at topics objectively was something that had been missing in months past. They also seemed more motivated and aware that their education was something that truly would be worthwhile for them in the future. Again I felt hopeful...

And then lastly....I had a conversation with a fellow teacher-one of my former teachers actually and the advisor to the KEY club. In the front hall of the school were at least 100 boxes containing food from the KEY club's canned food drive. (However since so much food had been donated, each grade had donation sites located in different school buildings.) And he described to me how most of the food that I was seeing in that hall had actually been donated by community members over the weekend while KEY club members sat outside one of our local grocery stores. We then talked about how it seems that ever so slowly society is in a period of change-one of consuming less and giving more, of thinking about self less and about others more. And again I felt hopeful...

Achieving Goals

I took the first bunch of scarves to my charity, Dinner & A Movie, about three weeks ago when we were in the midst of a major cold spell. Thanks to my sister and my mother, we produced about 20 scarves and mom purchased about 10 hats and 10 pairs of gloves. Many of the homeless shelters in the Portland area are already full and as I walk to campus, I walk past a shelter that daily has about 20 people standing outside of it (not to mention the many individuals I see sleeping in doorways with only a single blanket to keep them warm through the chilly winter nights). Thus the idea of these youth (as well as all the other individuals, regardless of any addictions they might have) chills me to the bone. In my car's trunk, I have two more bags of hats and scarves that were produced by my home church and a friend of my granny also has a drawer-full for me to pick up on my way back to Portland. I will continue to work on this project throughout the winter, as it's a simple way to hopefully bring a little physical warmth to others while also letting them know that people DO care.

The second major goal that I have achieved is that I finally read the entire Bible. I have been attempting to do so for several years with a reading schedule, but this is the first year that I have been able to completely read the whole thing. Throughout my entire Christian life, I have always felt a little guilty that I had never read it. While I still can't quote anything from memory, the New Testament continues to remind me of the gift of love and that the best gifts we can give are to glorify God through giving to others.


The next several months will include many new goals, but the theme of my goals always remains the same. Life is more bountiful and fulfilling when I am growing spiritually, living a balanced and simplistic life, and giving to others. Hope you all have been enjoying a wonderful day!

A Roar For Powerful Words

Patty, from Morning Ramble, gave me a new award this morning:


This award was started by the Shameless Lion Writing Circle and is "the chance to scream from the mountains the good news about the powerful posts that are produced every day in the blogosphere, despite what some mainstream columnists and journalists claim."
The recipients then do the same, passing it on to five other people, and accompany the image with three things they believe are necessary to write well and powerfully.

To me, good writing contains:
1) Personal honesty & insightfulness
2) Passion on the topic/experience
3) Knowledge/wisdom on the topic

However I'm not sure how well I follow my own definition then! I write more when I feel compelled to share knowledge than anything else. (Although w/o internet I haven't been able to share everything I would have liked to during the last few months!)

Anyway my nominees:
1) Chile Chews: She exerts passion, knowledge, and insightfulness all with lots of humor. I laugh everytime I read an account of what she's doing just because she describes it so gleefully!

2) The Healthy Cookie: She's personal and has loads of wisdom and passion on the topic of health/nutrition based on her own experiences and current studies. Her thoughts are always well-developed and her posts are incredibly insightful and researched.

3) Contemplating Change: I love the weekly glimpse of her life in England. She's caring, compassionate, dedicated, and insightful.

4) Pondering the Myriad Things: She's an advocate, and she believes in change. She's honest and she moves others toward action and fact finding. Plus she's Canadian!

I'm going to stop at 4. There are plenty of others that deserve an award, but to be honest, I've gotten sort of out of the loop as of late. These 4 are some that move me to think or action every time. Happy blogging! :-)

Dad and I took a quick trip up the coast today to check on any potential damage from last week's storm at the beach house. Luckily there was none, especially as the day was cold (not even 40 degrees) and would have been miserable to work in. Winterized and shut the house for winter.

Took these pictures from the cape and then while Dad was driving on the way back down the coast. Such a beautiful scene-makes me wonder how some people don't believe that there is something greater than us humans and why others don't want to protect the beauty through which God can communicate!

Not much was done but the day was full all the same and worthwhile due to the beauty observed and the time together!

Leading By Example

Lately I have felt myself being pulled away from my simplistic values by others while being in the city. Sometimes it feels hard to balance all of my different values, as they can enter into periods of contradiction fairly easily at times. It's ironic since I have so much time up there to really engage in simplicity. However the concept of leading by example has been filtering through my mind the last few days and it all started on Friday....

Learning from elders....my granny! On my way back down to the coast I stopped to spend a day/night with her and to visit with my favorite friends that live there also. Granny sends weekly notes to people and so usually has an on-slaught of stamps available. Last week she was out of traditional stamps and was so excited to give me a lesson on frugality. Over the years , she has received numerous letters from organizations asking for donations (she's a very charitable lady but can only give so much), and some of the return envelopes had stamps already applied to them. Stop here though and realize that these are 1, 3, 5, 10 cent stamps adding up to whatever postage was at the time. As she had two bills to go out, she demonstrated the proper stamp extraction, reapplying, and gluing process and then we spent the next half hour removing all the rest of the stamps so she would have them ready to use! That was lesson one in frugality.

Lesson two in frugality pertained to double checking statements, something I rarely do except to verify that I was billed online. She demonstrated how she saves receipts, checks to make sure she has a receipt for all the entries on her statement, and then double checks the amount to make sure it is correct. Over the years, she says she has found several mistakes. Lesson two in frugality. And I'm sure she will continue to teach me over the years-yet I am always so impressed in how she leads by example.

This concept came up in church yesterday as well. That as Christians we should be leading by example in terms of our faith in general, and in terms of our approach to the Christmas season. And it was something I thought of as I walked to and from church yesterday also-a measly mile one way and something that has become so standard due to walking everywhere in the city. I could have driven and I'm sure as I'm home I will drive more than naught, but by walking I feel that I am leading by example. As I walked by all the cars idling in the driveways, I realized I probably wasn't making that much of an environmental difference but at least I am walking my talk and hoping to encourage others to experience the benefits of walking as well. I hope we all lead by example and demonstrate to others our values through our actions-although I will be the first to admit that there are times when we all falter or get caught up in the midst of the storm.

P.S. I'm glad to be home, many more postings to follow! :-)

Snug As a Bug in a Rug

I'm currently in sweats and rolled in my sleeping bag and a blanket on the floor of my friend's house. My car could not be parked on my street this morning due to street cleaning so I drove over here last night to study and sleep and to keep my car out of the way of the neighborhood towing and cleaning crews. While it is quite cold in this house (they heat with oil and always keep the heat almost off throughout the winter), I feel quite comfortable bundled down in all of my coverings and looking out the upstairs window at the dew laden trees and the early misty morning. These are the things you miss without expansive windows and a more removed setting.

Being here has been good for me in other ways as well. It's been nice to be in the presence of an old friend and to play with her adorably fat cat. It's been nice to have internet access and to find more motivation to work on my papers. One thing that I always forget until I'm living by myself in the city is how necessary it is to have consistent and fulfilling interactions with others. As simple as I desire to be, I am not sure I would ever make it as a hermit in the woods although I suppose then nature's creatures would become my friends.

The last week has been a more difficult one, reminding me also that while simplistic is good, I need to be living at some level of busyness in order to feel that I am fulfilling my purpose here on this Earth. So I have come to the conclusion that after returning to the city for my next term, I need to find some sort of fulfilling part-time employment through which I can give more to others and feel that I am creating positive change.

That said I am looking forward to heading back to the coast for a month, to subbing, to visiting the kids I worked with this summer, to visiting with old friends coming home for the holidays, to reading interesting books, to taking long chatty walks, to spending time with family, and to being snug as a bug in a rug in the comfortable bubble of my parents home.

Thanksgiving

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I love that we take the time to spend time with and cherish those individuals in our lives that mean the most to us. I love that we take the time to gather with those people, to remember the daily gifts that we have in our lives, to cook from scratch a generally nutritious meal, and to offer gratitude to God for the blessings He has given us. Thus I am looking forward to this Thursday and the time we will all spend at my aunt's house, and I am thankful for the Thanksgiving dinner I just shared on Saturday with one of my undergrad roommates and her social circle. In my mind, I have always romanticized the idea of Thanksgiving and have never felt that it lives up to my expectations. Funny that I would allow expectations to overshadow a time of blessings and gratitude. Thus it was even more interesting that this dinner on Saturday finally fulfilled the expectations I always had: fabulous homemade food (cooked primarily by my friend's boyfriend including vegan stuffing!), good wine, candles, great company, and wonderful laughter and conversation. However it could also be that my current mentality is one that has altered my expectations, regardless I feel I have much to be thankful for from this last year:

-another cancer-free year for my father
-getting into grad school and now potentially being able to do a dual program in the same amount of time
-the year I spent living with my parents (again)
-learning how to cook from scratch
-moments with my individual family members
-being a better aunt
-the flexibility of subbing
-safety on my many journeys
-deep conversations
-the support and love from and to family and friends
-all the moments with my granny
-making freezer jam
-the health and safety of my friends and family
-laughter
-having tomatoes that actually grew!
-finding housing just in the nick of time
-new windows, heat, clothing, health, food, transportation
-a functioning body including breathing lungs and walking legs
-the many sides of nature: sun, rain, breezes, sea mist, falling leaves, green fields
-the capacity to learn and grow
-answered prayer
-listening ears and caring hearts
-feeling "free" and restoring passion
-embracing and achieving goals
-restoring relationships
-finding simplicity and embracing humanity
-feeling, caring, loving, faith, hope
-wise words and strong memories
-beer and Scrabble
-scholarships
-all the kids I've worked with this year
-forgiveness, healing
-simple moments
-and every single one of you

May you all be filled with the blessings in your own lives and feel them magnified during this week! May your burdens be removed and your hearts be filled! Happy Thanksgiving!

Heading in the Opposite Direction

Yesterday I woke up and all I wanted was to drink my coffee outside in some fashion. However, living in the city without a balcony/patio and with a view of other buildings out my windows, it would have entailed getting dressed and sitting on the building's front stoop or buying a cup of coffee where outdoor seating in the rainy season would be available. Neither of those options were ones I wanted to pursue, so I settled on drinking coffee in bed, reading organic magazines, and imagining the patio at my parent's place.

While driving down the coast on my last trip home, it dawned on me how much I miss that place-something I actually rarely think of when I am involved in my daily city living. Yet also for the first time I have been hearing myself say out loud frequently that I can see myself ending up back there or in a similar location on the Oregon coast. Strange then that here I am….in the city again…and enjoying it. The irony of life is that sometimes we end up having to head in the exact opposite direction of where we want to be in order to get to where we want to be in the end.

That concept is something that I think of when I read the wisdom of others who talk about how to better live more simply. The idea is to choose the end goal of where you want to be and then take the steps to get there, all the while creating simplicity where you currently are and enjoying the small moments. Thus while all I really want is to be back on the coast, I am enjoying my moments here, continuing to expand my education and professional skills in order to eventually end up back "home." The city has its own benefits and I actually don't doubt that this is exactly where I am supposed to be at this point in my life. I am one who believes that life/God takes us on a journey to best use our skills and to encourage growth, and that we are to embrace the gifts, moments, experiences, and people along the way. New doors seem to always open at the right moments as long as we are willing to proceed forward.

Thus while maybe at times it feels like the opposite direction, any step along the way toward the end goal has to actually be moving in the right direction. So for now I'll have to continue to envision the patio of my parent's place when I'm having moments of needing coffee and green spaces (and enjoy being able to purchase the New York Times which is something I can't have on the coast), because I have a feeling I might be here in this city for longer than I actually expect. We've got to relish the steps along the way or we're missing the beauty of life! Hope you all have been enjoying a great week previous!

Christmas Came Early This Year

Since I'm into talking about the holiday season already, I figured I might as well roll with the theme. While I know in my last post I must have seemed completely anti-shopping, I am not against gift giving. However I must say that I rather prefer getting and giving a gift when they are most needed than when a holiday says that I should give or get one.

For example, when I first moved into my apartment, my grandmother decided that I needed an area rug and that she wanted to be the one to get it for me because she knew I wouldn't buy it for myself. Thus I went out ahead of time and found one that was very affordable, will last me for years to come, and would be what both of us would agree upon for the space. Then we had a great time shopping together to pick it up. Christmas came early then.

Last weekend when I was down at my grandmother's again, she had just heard me rant the time before about how people should give gifts when they see needs rather than at birthdays and holidays. Thus when I walked in her door on the table was a package wrapped in Christmas paper and the excitement on her face for me to open it. It was a pedometer, as I'd been talking with her on the phone about wanting to know how far I am walking on a weekly basis, and again she knew I would never buy a pedometer for myself. Thus again Christmas came early and this time in wrapping too. (although I must add that this wasn't a true need.....I had mixed feelings about this one, although appreciated the thought all the same)

Tonight felt like another Christmas moment. Mom was having a women's society meeting at the house so I got to spend the evening with my father. We went to dinner and then spent the evening running errands. We returned the library books, dropped a card off at the post office, and then went shopping. Dad bought me plastic to winterize the old leaky window I still have and then caulking so I can recaulk my bathtub. Then he bought me groceries that will last for the next several weeks. However the best part was spending three consistent hours with just my father-talking when a thought entered our minds, discussing nutrition, looking at CDs or other items that interested us but neither one of us needed to buy, buying things that will be used, but mainly just being present in comfortable silence while enjoying being together. Thanksgiving and Christmas came early.

Two weekends ago, when my mother came up to visit family and we spent the morning together. She knew I didn't have the money to buy myself new pants, so we went thrift store shopping together and she got me the two pairs of pants and a sweater. And then coming home this weekend and seeing the scarves she's made and the hats & gloves she has purchased for me to donate to the street youth. Christmas came early this year.

These are the moments and the items (among others) that are "under" my tree this year, and which make me hopeful that this Christmas there won't be any other packages awaiting me under the tree. For when my needs are meet in this way, no other gifts are necessary. The individuals in my lives and the way they provide for me in multiple ways are my gifts throughout the year. No additional expectation demanded or desired.

These are the moments that to me represent what giving is truly about and that really make the joy of the Christmas season present all year long. When we give from our hearts-whether through time, action, donation, or providing for another's actual needs in a way that they can or will not....this is giving at it's finest. And when we give in this way, we have the entirety of the actual holiday season to celebrate the meanings of Thanksgiving and Christmas without having to get caught up in society's expectations for what the seasons have become. Giving remains pure throughout the year and the holiday season remains pure in its celebrations. So go ahead and give-just be mindful of how your purchases impact the planet, the wallet, and the well-being of yourself and those to who you give to-and take a chance on giving of just yourself or in a way that will meet an individual's needs. So ho-ho-ho-and to all a good night!

Buy Nothing

I have to thank Theresa for posting on her blog about Buy Nothing Day. It's something that we just discussed about in one of my classes when we were talking about the concept of social marketing. I know that too many people will be out in the stores the day after Thanksgiving hoping to shop for Christmas gifts that people probably don't even need, thus take a minute and think about engaging in "Buy Nothing" day instead. A lot of people can't afford much of what they buy in the "spirit" of Christmas, but what if instead of buying we just enjoyed the gifts of time with each other? Time is the greatest gift of all. What if instead of buying an object or something for someone that will sit around and gather dust, we instead took them out to enjoy an experience? What if instead of spending all this money on things we don't really need....we gave it instead to others who could benefit from it? I'm not against giving....I'm against giving just to give and against shopping just to shop.

This year my siblings and I are not giving gifts. I'll get something for my nephews and something for my parents as I figure out more what they need. I will be adding on to a blanket for my nephew and buying something warm for my father. However the best piece of the holiday season will be spending Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family. Last year I was so saddened to see so many items under our tree when I knew that so many others go without and when I had explicity asked to receive nothing. For me the season is one of Thanksgiving for everything I already have such as the love and support of family and friends, my education, a warm living environment, clothes that fit and function, food. And the Christmas season is one in which I am reminded of the lessons that came due to the birth of the Savior and the number one lesson He taught us was to love God and to love others, especially those without. So I hope to spend my holiday season in moments of gratitude and of love-for both of those are gifts that do not require purchasing. May you enjoy the momentum of the season!

The Green Update: City Apartment

So it's been awhile since I've checked in about how I'm doing with the green life and things have changed some since I moved into my own place in the city. However there is always more to do to try to make a better impact.

Transportation-Walking is my primary form of getting around now, although I do take public transportation if it's late at night and I'm still in the true heart of downtown. But most everything I need is within walking distance and it's only 20 blocks to campus. My health has greatly benefited from the additional walking as well. I do use my car to visit family that live out of town however.

Food-I'm not growing anything as there isn't much sunlight in my back corner apartment. The majority of the food I'm eating is produce though w/ some complex carbs, but I'm remembering to take my tote bags to purchase it and still love left overs that do occur. I am able to buy more organic produce now though.

Electricity/Heating-I still unplug my cell as soon as it's done charging and my computer every night as well. The coffee pot gets unplugged as soon as it's done brewing. And I use my cellphone and a battery operated wall clock for my clocks. I turn off the lights if I'm not using them and the heat gets turned off (wall/space heater) anytime I leave the apartment and when I'm sleeping. I enrolled for green energy with the power company so my electricity will come from renewable sources for an additional .008 cents a kwh. They also installed new double paned windows to replace the leaded single pane cracked and non-closing ones I had before. The blinds go up in the day to encourage any possible sunlight to get in and then closed at night to keep the warmth in.

Water-Negative.....my shower goal still stands although I might manage a shorter shower once a week. AND I don't drink enough of it. I still need to buy a stainless steel water bottle for reuse so I can have water with me all the time but haven't been really looking nor wanting to purchase. I don't have a dishwasher so wash dishes by hand and I try to be mindful of the water I'm using in the process.

Trash/Recycling-Fabulous! My non-recyclable trash production is very nil anymore, maybe one very small bag every two weeks and I'm recycling about 80% of my overall "trash".

Products-Still using natural soaps and hair products. I've been wearing less make-up after finding out how bad it is for us women and I'm just about to run out of some of what I do have-however I'm still researching more healthful options because unfortunately I do love to wear make-up but I don't want to pay excessively to get it. Am still using vinegar/baking soda and Seventh Generation dish soap as my cleaning products also. And have stepped up the using of recycled products too.

Shopping-Yep, you've heard it. Too many new clothing items although they're all being used routinely. And now I'm in this mentality that I don't want to get rid of the other things I do have because I feel like I should use them up. I also had to buy a new cellphone because my other phone finally really did die-it wouldn't turn on at all, but I feel I got a cheap yet good deal and the guy gave me a discount on my monthly bill too. However I'm still glad I was able to move and set up without too many purchases to do so.

Citizenship-Between my sister and I there are 15 scarves completed for the street youth. I'm still going and I've opened it up to one of my classes and my home churches. There is a stack of mittens at my parents place also. And I'm not sure if this counts but it's important to me, every time I walk by a homeless person I try to meet their eyes, smile, and greet them. But now that I'm living off student loans, I haven't given financially nor have I given blood since I've moved.

So now you've heard it. I'm trying to make a better impact and being in the city does enable me to have it easier in some areas. Being at home for the weekend, I found it strange to drive the mile to church instead of walking....I still have things to work on, but I am happy with the changes I've made already.

How are you all doing in greening your lifestyles? I always love reading about those of you that really are doing big things!

Sources of Validation

This has been an interesting last week in which I have struggled with feeling supported in my choice of mentality and in my future goals. However it was on my drive back to my home town yesterday that I realized that if I allow the lack of support or comments by others to question my definition of myself then a) i'm not being authentic and b) i'm living through external validation. Plus being the stubborn person I am, I always feel that when outside sources are trying to block you from being who you are or from following the lifestyle that you desire...well then you must actually be on the right path.

I don't expect everyone to agree with my thoughts, my dreams, or my actions (or rather at times my lack of actions). But what I can say is that I have never felt better about who I am, where I am going, or what I am doing with my life. I may hem and haw and change my mind about the steps within my life direction and at times I might voice my dismay about certain areas; however I would have to say that I am for once settled in myself. I know who I am, what I stand for, and the general type of person that I want to be. I know that I have never felt more content than in living this current lifestyle of simplicity that I have chosen. I know that my own internal validation and satisfaction means so much more than searching for validation from external sources (although positive support is appreciated!).

That said I have to admit that I love the blogging community for it's nice to be able to communicate with others who are so kind to share the wisdom, the mindfulness, and the mentality of a life so simplistically and carefully lived. It's nice to have a place I can communicate and read from and not feel as though my thoughts are so much stranger than others. It's nice to read about others who are truly living the life that I have set my sights on achieving.

Yet I also feel that I should add that I am most blessed by a wonderful family-one that supports me regardless of lifestyle or mentality choice AND by fabulous and steadfast friends that while we might be very different, they'll love me just the same. I feel very fortunate indeed to be surrounded by community on multiple levels, as I'm coming to realize more and more that our relationships really are what make life the most worth living. So thank you to those of you who love and support me just for being...well authentically me whether it was yesterday, today, or tomorrow......

I hope everyone has had a wonderful start to the weekend!

Stressed until Reminders

Over the course of the last week I have been feeling stressed pertaining to my grad program through a variety of situations: not feeling like this program is exactly what I expected it to be, worried about finances, having more than usual due in these middle weeks of the term, feeling like I blew a group presentation last week, thinking about being out of town so much, finding it hard to meet new people.

Thus I found it ironic and refreshing that the day after I was the most stressed, lots of little things came together to rejuvenate me-something that I took to be reminders from God that He really will provide for all of my needs. Someone randomly sent me $20 in the mail which reinforced that the money will be provided for my education and living needs, I had the opportunity to rewrite a critique and scored much better on it the second time around, the high school I used to sub for had called which reminded me that come December I will have work, I did very well on an assignment for another class, I discovered that it really may be possible to transform this grad program into something that will better fit my needs, I had a bonding conversation on the phone with one of my friends, and discovered that another acquaintance from my undergrad now lives in my general neighborhood. And now I am here again at my granny's where I have spent the weekend doing my reading, writing my paper that is due this week, scheduling meetings and the visit from my out of town friend this next week, and going with her to this fabulous concert at the church last night. The concert additionally reinforced that all we have to do is trust and believe in the Lord and the greatest gift He gave. We may not feel that life is always peachy but even in the negative moments, there is hope that tomorrow will be better.

This morning upon waking up I took some pictures of the overcast morning with the trees against it. In taking a study break yesterday, I went for a walk around the lakes and listened to the sounds of nature. The squirrels scurrying around preparing for winter, the leaves crunching under my toes, the ducks squawking away hoping I would feed them, the snap of branches from the weight of landed birds, the caw of the crow. And I saw the brillance of the reds, yellows, browns, and greens present in the leaves, the bright green of the grass, the shiny white of the swans, the beauty of the surviving roses on the bushes. Life pared down to its simplest form is beautiful and fulfilling-truly what more could we need?

Consumption Confession #2: GUILT

Okay so one of the things I have been striving to do this year is not buy much at all. While I feel that I have greatly reduced the amount of items that I spend my money on, I recently (as in today) am suffering from loads of guilt. I went out and bought a new winter coat and boots. I am justifying it by the fact that I have been keeping an eye out for either item at thrift stores and not been able to find what I was looking for, and the fact that I am currently walking 9-12 miles a week, generally in a chilly-fall-going-into-winter climate. I got both items cheapily yet I still feel guilty for spending money when technically I probably could have made it through the cold season without either. Maybe the guilt also stems from the fact that my mother just purchased me "new" pants from a thrift store this weekend, as I had bought new pants but have slimmed down due to the increased walking and so after one wear, the new pants no longer fit. So I suppose it all stems from the fact that in the last couple of weeks I feel that I have been consuming a lot.

I have to remind myself that I basically moved into my apartment without buying many new things. I bought myself a new chair that will last me for years and that I have wanted for years. I had bought for me a broom, a dish drainer/dryer, and curtain rods, but everything else was things that I already owned.

I can also acknowledge the fact that in the entirety of this year I have bought or had bought for me:
-4 pairs of new shoes, all of which I wear routinely
-2 pairs of new jeans and 3 pairs of pants from a thrift store
-a thrift store dress
-3 new tops and one new sweater, and 3 used sweaters (the sweaters I wear all the time)
-one new skirt
-and one brand new hooded coat (the only hooded coat I now have)

While it is much less than many people I know buy...I still can't help but feel guilty. Do I really NEED all of that stuff? NO. Could I have spent that money on other things or SAVED it? Yes. Do I routinely use the majority of it? Yes. But when I look at my wardrobe, I realize how much other people could benefit from what I have....sigh.....Guilt...Consumption......How much I do NOT feel frugal in this moment.....

Language

It always floors me the amount of cussing, cursing, foul language, whatever you choose to call it that people use. Now I will completely admit that when I am in the midst of certain individuals or when I become angry I myself will throw out cuss words-however it's not a behavior that I'm exactly proud to engage in on occasion. I never noticed how much our language choices impact the impressions we leave on others until I started student teaching and was appalled by the language I would routinely hear out of my students' mouths. Thus began my rule of "If I hear a significant cuss word out of your mouth, you're writing sentences." Whether or not it was a fair punishment, the kids would write them and the amount of foul language in my classes was greatly reduced. In fact, I'm known as the sub that "you can't cuss around." Shouldn't all adults be instilling in kids the desire to use more descriptive words?

I recognize that some individuals grow up in home environments in which foul language is the norm and where the F word becomes the most used adjective that there is to describe anything. However I believe that we all should have the capacity to have vocabularies where we don't need to use foul language on a routine basis. I always find it interesting when I meet someone for the first time and they proceed to answer a routine question (such as "Do you have a can opener I can borrow?") with at least three foul words and they aren't even distressed!

I remember when I first started commuting for student teaching with my man vs wild friend and I found it strange that he never cussed. Now he will use abbreviations, such as g.d. or such but I have yet, in over the year that I have known him, heard a single foul word out of his mouth. Something that I used to find so rare, I now completely appreciate about him. Thus it's from individuals like him and from my students themselves that I had to take a deeper look at myself and attempt to use better language choices. However it's interesting how sensitive it makes me to the use of those words out of others mouths, and unfortunately when I hear foul words it tends to turn me off from what the speaker is saying. A practice that I find at times even in the blog community. I can think of a couple of blogs that I really like but because of the fact that the writers cannot post without using cuss words instead of intelligent words to describe their opinion about a fairly serious and educational topic, I find that I no longer have any interest in reading what they are posting about. Maybe I'm becoming a snob or maybe I'm just wishing that more people would think of what they are saying......something I also need to continue to remember.....

Creating Balance

One of my courses from this term includes a project in which we have to choose, monitor, and change a health behavior toward an improved health lifestyle. Something I have always wanted to achieve yet have had difficulty in so doing has been creating balance in my physical, emotional/mental, spiritual, and social health realms-as to me true health occurs when all aspects of a healthy lifestyle can be balanced. Thus my goal for this project has been to create and maintain balance through monitoring and creating subgoals for these four areas.

Creating goals motivates individuals to be mindful of and to work toward change. Although our goals may change along the way, we still have something toward which we are moving. While at times I am opposed to the idea of trying to live a "mapped out" life, I do think it is important to have ideas for what we want and to think of the means in which we must navigate in order to ahieve our ideas. It always surprises me when I meet people who have goals, yet have never thought of how to achieve them as they just expect for them to happen.

Thus my project has been overly beneficial for me. I am doing something positive for myself and getting a grade for it. So far it's two weeks in and as a result of moving to the city my physical health has improved immensely just from all the walking I do now. As part of my emotional/mental health I am taking time to write in my journal, to create at least a weekly blog posting, and am attempting to organize my plans, thoughts, and surroundings before going to bed at night-something that greatly lays my mind at rest and prepares me for the day ahead. My goals for my social health focus more on remaining connected to the individuals that mean the most to me and in limiting the social activities that I engage in otherwise. Sometimes creating balance equates to placing limits in some areas and growth in other areas. The hardest yet most beneficial goals for me pertain to my spiritual health. Nothing makes me feel quite so peaceful and able to give up control than when I am in the Word or in prayer on a regular basis. Yet for some reason this area is the hardest for me to focus on as well.

The idea of participating in formalized goals and monitoring activities is that eventually the behavior and its benefits become normalized. You no longer have to think about doing the behavior because it becomes standardized. While I can see how these activities will change as my life changes, going through the monitoring and goal process allows me to recognize how important it is to have and what it takes to create balance within my life.

And the best part is that with my project and with my time away to the coast this weekend, I actually have some free time to think, to knit, to really relish my surroundings. Time management and goal work-what beautiful things for stress reduction.

What goals would you like or what behaviors would you like to change or implement in your life?

Finding the Humor.....

Some moments are all about how you look at them. This weekend I went away to the family beach house for some quiet moments to sleep, to think, and to get caught up in my work as the next few weeks are more full than the rest of the term. I tend to get caught between needing/wanting to be overly organized and wanting to be free-spirited, but I have to admit that organization does help when I am in school. However a friend of mine from home came and joined me for Saturday and Sunday while I was there and we had quite the entertainment on Saturday evening.

It's always entertaining for someone to watch me make dinner just because it's never the same and never exact (something I'm sure I get from my mother)-however in the midst of my pasta sauce making madness something even more entertaining was occurring. We had put some laundry in the washing machine and it was about this time that we realized that the machine was just cycling through the dial without actually washing the clothes. I had washed a couple of loads two days before without too many problems, so I decided just to try to take a few items out and rerun the machine a couple of different ways. However as this didn't work, we got to embrace the history of our grandmother's ways. We wrung out the clothes, transferred them from the washer to the bathroom, rinsed the items in the bathtub, wrung them again, and took them back to the dryer-where it took an enormous amount of non-earth friendly time to dry. We then got to use pitchers to empty the water out of the washer that would not drain and the whole time as I'm busting up laughing, I'm wondering if my friend feels the same way. However all in all, it probably was the most memorable and fun weekend I've had in a long time and just demonstrated once again---that it's all in the way we look at it! Hope you all had a good weekend!

Expressing Gratitude

Yesterday I tried out a new church since I am in a new environment and I was struck by the challenge that the pastor left us with for the week. He was talking about gratitude toward God for all of the little things that we are given and that we generally overlook without mention or even notice. To put it differently he was actually instructing us to be mindful of our surroundings and attribute them to gifts from God. Thus his challenge was for us to be mindful of all of the little things and to give thanks where thanks is due.

So here's the start to my list of all the things I'm currently grateful for (and that I know come from God):
For the falling leaves and the piles that happily crunch under my feet
For my legs that allow me to walk as much as I currently have been doing
For the clean air that I am allowed to breath and my lungs that expand as I intake it
For the discovery of a park at the top of my street with a glorious view of the city
For a roof over my head and a comfortable home
For my neighbors that responded kindly to my asking for quieter nights
For 99 cent ear plugs
For the nuts that fall in my neighborhood
For the smile that I shared with the homeless woman I walked past today
For the rose that I stopped to smell in the park blocks
For all of the cute squirrels that always remember to have fun
For conversations with family and friends
For the lifting of my cold
For light and heat when I need it
For the gentle rain that watered my city this morning and the sun that warmed it this afternoon
For the calmness that settles on my soul when I look out the window
For so much more than I can express....

What do you feel gratitude for?

Environmental Health

So I'm taking an environmental health course and two weeks ago we were discussing the carrying capacity of the planet, including some of the side effects of the environmental strain that we are inflicting due to our population increase. So there I was in one of the most "green" cities in the nation and surrounded by about fifty future public health workers, with at least half my classmates not caring about carrying capacity. Their argument was that we, as a human race, have always been capable of adapting and we will adapt to meet our needs with any future events. Issues such as using biotechnology to manufacture food, and many other technological "helps," were offered as potential ideas to counteract the negative side effects of too many individuals and too little resources on our planet. Now, I'm sorry, but the idea of eating food developed through biotechnology just makes me want to go hungry—which might truly be my only option anyway if we do reach carrying capacity in my lifetime.

A major catch phrase of the public health field is that of "prevention" and so I couldn't help comment to my fellow classmates that we should be about prevention on all levels (including environmental health) rather than treatment orientated in one particular field of public health. If we're going to say that we're about prevention then we need to mean it across the entirety of health care. Because truly what one element interacts with our health the most? Why yes, that of environmental health! How can we be healthy without clean air, clean water, land that is able to produce food, food without contaminants, without a habitat that allows for our body to function as it should?

Another major issue that always comes up in grad school is that of ethical research practices. A key component of that is not engaging in experiments that you know may be detrimental to the health of your subjects. However I can't help but continue to think that really that's what we all are doing in our everyday life. We are involved in one major experiment from our governments, from our corporations, from our technology, and from our products…and we have no way of knowing truly how everything we interact with on a daily basis is impacting our health. Consumers are not even aware of half of what they are consuming because even the people that are making items are not always sure of the impacts those products will have. We have so many chemicals in so many items and we are not always told or generally are not aware. Every year thousands of new chemicals are developed for use, yet the research can't (and especially not time tested research) keep pace with their implementation. (Side note here: some cancers take 40 years to develop after a single exposure to some chemicals.) Did you know you have potential hazardous chemicals in your beauty products, your food, your furniture, your bedding, and the list goes on. So how ethical is it that we all are involved in a major experiment without signing up for it? Birth seems to equal participation. Scary thought……

City Life-History and Present

I'm sitting in the student union where I can get "included in tuition and fees" wi-fi and I'm looking out the window at the park blocks. A second ago it dawned on me that I am starring at the very building where my granny mentioned to me that she lived one summer about 65 years ago when she wanted to experience life in the city.

Last weekend we had a big family gathering on the coast to spread the ashes of my mother's parents and to have a memorial service. Unfortunately I had not had a close relationship with her parents by the end of their lives, mainly due to my own choice to sever ties, but it was important for me to go to support my family. However throughout the course of the service and through the discussions and memories that ensued about my grandparents, was the knowledge of how very much we as individuals truly are representations of a variety of aspects of our families. So many of the positive and negative traits that were present in my grandparents personalities are present in the personalities and life choices of their children and grandchildren. We are often opinionated, we can be mouthy, we love nature, we are stubborn, we are independent, we know how to make ends meet, but we love to reward ourselves too, and we aren't afraid of hard work.

Which brings me back to the building across the way and the conversations I have had with my granny. How ironic it is that history tends to repeat itself. I don't know that I would say that I was originally overjoyed at the idea of coming back to the city, but how comforting to know that so many, many years ago my granny walked these same streets with her own thoughts, dreams, and independence. Slowly I am coming to appreciate more and more my presence here, although I still find it fascinating that there are as many students in a year that attend this university as the average population of my home town.

However I appreciate being able to walk anywhere I need to go. I appreciate carrying my groceries in the tote bags the couple of blocks to my apartment. I appreciate recycling 80% of my "trash." I appreciate the public transportation and the use of my legs to get places. I appreciate the motion and the stillness that are present at the same time. I enjoy the cleanness (although I'm shocked by the amount of people that smoke is this town!), and I appreciate the fact that Portland truly is a city surrounded by natural elements.

Today instead of transferring on the public transportation, I walked through the park blocks up to campus and thoroughly enjoyed everything that I observed. The changing leaves, the noise of construction (generally of modern green design), the historic buildings, the sound of foreign languages, the homeless intermingling with the lucky ones, the lady playing catch with her yipper dog, the purple hair, the preppiness, those lounging on the benches, those flirting under the trees, the tracks of the street car, the cars that actually yield to pedestrians-all of the various things of which one can find in the city and I have to wonder if my granny was as in awe as I am of everything to see and feel in this place. I hope she felt as fulfilled and content as I do in this moment. I need to work on how to do blog postings without frequent internet access.....hope everyone has a most blessed week! Enjoy!

Driven Simplicity

So I'm sitting in the computer lab on campus with a million different ideas running through my mind but all being overshadowed by a woman out in the hallway on her cellphone. Nevermind that she is in the hallway to adhere to the policy of no cellphone usage in the actual lab, for we can hear every word of her side of the conversation through the open door. She is upset because a box is not where it is supposed to be and is demanding to know where it is currently located on its shipping path. Funny that 100 years ago, we never would have expected to demand down to the minute details of much of life at all. Why has life become so detail driven?

In the big scheme of things, does it really matter if a box arrives, a call is completed, or any other minute details? How does our emphasis of life become so constrained?

Really I want to go out in the hallway and talk to her about what is truly important in life, yet I do not know that she is much in the mood to hear my ideas nor to think about her own ideas. It makes me again aware of the constant time/money pressure that so much of our society is focused on, and that has me a bit apprehensive about being here again. When so much of one's environment is rushing, how does one remain authentically simple?

I have signed up to do a presentation on the simplicity movement as an alternative lifestyle philosophy for one of my classes. Hopefully in so doing, I may remind others that the pace of life can be slow and still be satisfying, while also incorporating into my presentation the positive findings of living due to this "altered" lifestyle.

I am also finding how important it is to create my own surroundings of simplicity and to create an environment which is conducive to a simplistic lifestyle. In the midst of all the commotion, I am finding that my apartment with my pictures on the walls, my favorite personal items, and my trusty furniture surrounds me with reminders of myself, where I have come from, and what I represent. It is amazing how much more settled I feel just by having my comfortable (and organized) surroundings without much additional money or energy invested.
Small steps toward remaining simple, but some that ultimately will allow for continued happiness, capability, and peace of mind.

Family Matters

Since my trip to Bend, I have been wanting to post about something that I experienced while being there. I was in Bend to visit an old college roommate of mine, who is now married and living near her family. She is part of an extended family of farmers and her immediate family are involved in a variety of other business ventures within Central Oregon. However the thing that I was so amazed by is just how wonderfully her family functions.

Each of the four siblings are extremely different personalities, with different politics, interests, spouses, etc. However any time I have seen them together, it's as if all differences are thrown out the window. On this trip I happened to be invited to Sunday breakfast which included five kids under 3 years of age, three of the siblings and their spouses, breakfast being made, the two parents, and the final wrap up from a wedding party that had been thrown on the property the night before. However in the midst of all this "could be" madness, none was evident. The kids were taken care of and passed around, extra pancakes (for ahem, me the vegan the guest who they didn't want to ask to eat cow heart of all things....) were made, the table was set, the wedding guests were taken care of, another friend came and went, and through it all conversation was shared, expectations remained the same, and food was eaten.

No one stepped on anyone else's toes in regards to expecations of or disciplining of the kids. All the kids were treated the same regardless to which parent they belonged to although usual "kid behavior" was encouraged and allowed. Individual needs were easily cross-talked and taken care of. Their family vacation was finalized, the business schedule gone over, and any other loose ends tied up. It was seamless and incredible, and it made me realize how nice it is when families really do let the entire family take care of each other and how routine enables tranquility in the midst of would-be bombardment.

I know it's been gone over again and again, the idea that it takes a village to raise a child.....however I would take it further....it's takes a village...to well raise a functioning village...just some food for thought...

Quick Update

I never meant to make this blog quite so personal, but I continue to feel the need to explain why I'm lacking in my "deep thought" driven postings! I'm spending this week with my grandmother again and on Monday will begin my new grad program. Since I drove up here I decided to save gas and money by just staying until I have to go back down the coast next weekend for a family affair.

I finally have a housing situation set up, thanks to the friend of a friend who manages an apartment building in the city. Just reinforces the thought that life really is about connections and that it's important to be kind to everyone who you meet. The building is vintage and the studio has hardwoods, built-ins, leaded glass, and moldings. I am looking forward to a) painting, b) moving in my belongings next week, and c) winterizing my windows. Since the windows are old and I'm in a corner unit, I'm going to try to put up plastic on at least two of them.

The place should be just big enough to nicely hold the stuff that I do have, so I'm thankful to find a place that like Goldilocks said should be "just right." And it's just reminded me again of the need to create a haven for myself-a place to study, a place to rest my head. The location is ideal-two blocks away from public transporation to get to school and anywhere else I should need to go in the city. Organic grocery stores are in the area, I can walk to my bank, and the minor league baseball park is just blocks away as well!

There are mixed feelings about starting school, however I was enthused to open my environmental health textbook and discover that its topics are right up the alley of what I hope this program will teach me. Thus everything is slowly falling into place....patience truly is a virtue.

However I'm looking forward to being settled and being able to again post as I would like, sharing what I am learning in the public health program, green living ideas, social justice thoughts, and spiritual inspirations! I hope that each and everyone of you has a most wonderful weekend! Enjoy!

Weltschmerz

So while in the valley I ran out of books to read, and while I usually do not engage in reading "fluffy" books, I couldn't help myself and bought (used of course) Sushi for Beginners. It took a long while to get into it but it did turn out to be a half way decent novel (and it was great for while I was subbing this week and needed to be observing my students also). Toward the end of the book, one of the primary characters is diagnosed with depression and a discussion of the German word "weltschmerz" is offered, which translates to world pain or world sadness. The depressed character feels enormous grief for the state of the world and her inability to fix things for everyone. Having felt this myself, though in shorter bouts of time, I felt I could relate to the character in the story.

Last night I had a similar discussion with someone who I am just getting to know more indepthly, and I almost felt guilty to describe myself as someone who cares more than the average person....about other people, about the state of global affairs, about the environment. When I graduated from high school, one of my male best friends and I were selected as the "Most Caring" by our graduating class. I never knew if that was a compliment or if our graduating class instead felt that we cared TOO much. (And there I go caring about it! :-o)

However sometimes I do not understand how other people do not care at all or how they consistently turn a blind eye to the distress of the world around them. I am in agreement that it is difficult to effectly create change if you are always focusing on the negative, but I also feel you must SEE the negative to have a positive toward which you should be moving. I sometimes wish that for seconds or minutes, all members of our world would have their rose colored glasses removed and really feel "weltschmerz" to become aware of the state of affairs of our world as they truly are. We are the lucky ones as we have the option to put the glasses back on and block out the pain, but in the back of my mind I don't forget the ones who are daily living the realities of weltschmerz.

The last few weeks have brought me several more examples of the struggles of others. During my housing search, I couldn't help but think how much more difficult the searching process would be if I didn't have family to stay with, a decent education, saved finances, and even just access to the internet itself. My heart went out to those without resources and without homes. This week while teaching in the special education classroom at the high school, we also had a 16 year old student who bolted from class one day and then admitted to staff that he was family-less, had not eaten for two whole days, and was living on the streets. Yet, somehow he still managed to come to school. Hearing the stories of other students who live 4 to a camp trailor, whose parents are chronically ill and these students are their primary caregivers, who have been abused and mistreated in ways one does not like to describe nor think about. Going back and visiting the classroom from this summer and seeing the sadness and confusion mixed in with the joy on their faces. What it meant to them to have someone keep her word about visitation and caring.

Oh what a sad world we do live in, yet amongst the sadness we CAN do small and large things to brighten it up a bit. We can't always fix everything (some things I truly believe are "unfixable", severe mental illness being an example), but we all can do things to make our world a better, purer, happier place not just for us, but for those that need it even more. So I must ask....just what WILL YOU do?

Home Sweet Home

I'm finally back on the coast for a week. Still no luck on the housing front and I'm starting to get really worried. (The apartment rentals in Portland are very competitive at the moment which have been rumored to be due to the fact that the housing market is so expensive and there are so many foreclosure issues across the nation. I also would attribute it to the fact that the New York Times included Portland as one of the cities across the nation that is consistently attracting Gen Y members due to its safe, clean, and green environment. So my natural thought is that with more people that makes less housing. Sigh, what's a gal to do but keep her fingers crossed, her prayers strong, the viewing of craigslist continual, and to listen to the positive support from so many of her friends and family.) Which gets me to the....I'm SO glad to be home.

I didn't intend to be gone this long and feel so grateful for the continued hospitality by many of my family members. My granny had me as an almost continual housemate for about two weeks, my cousin hosted me for a night and extended an offer for more if I can't acquire housing before I start my graduate program, and another friend offered to put me up for a few days to be closer to the hunting action. The support that I have received from two of my closest friends and various family members has been wonderful though and has continued to allow me to feel very blessed amongst all the uncertainty of this time.

However there's something about walking back into your own home and being greeted by familiar surroundings and smells. Being able to finally read the mail and pay the cell phone bill. Showering with my own shampoo and soap-I hadn't realized just how much I had missed that! Crawling into my own bed in the dark cave I have created in my bedroom. Catching up on missed blog postings. Talking if I feel like it and not having to if I don't feel like it. Discovering that for the first time ever my tomatoes have made it to ripening! Organizing my papers and my thoughts. The simpleness of being at home. I hope that I can recreate this wherever and whenever I am able to find a resting place next...

I have been blessed also in that I have work for this week. They called me last week and then again today to come in to sub for at least half if not all of this week, and it made me realize that I have missed the kids and the flexibility of that position. However it makes me anxious in realizing that I will be left with exactly one week until the start of my term to find a place to live, however all things are provided in time......I just have to continue to remind myself of that. I hope that everyone has continued to receive wonderful moments in the weeks that I have been otherwise engaged! I will relish this time at home and then continue my search again!!

Moments of Creation

So I'm still here in the valley looking for housing, when all I really want to do is go back home for a few days. However what's the point in driving all the way there just to have to come back to do the same thing. Needless to say I'm praying up a storm that God will help one of the housing options I've possibly found come to fruition. However I have been so thankful too for the last few days. I know that God always keeps one in the holding pattern when we need to learn something, and one thing I particularly always need to re-learn is that of patience and continued trust and faith.

Yesterday my granny and I walked around the property of the assisted living place where she lives and looked at the local wildlife. Her apartment is on a "lake" (I call it a large pond) and so there are tons of ducks, squirrels, geese, fish, etc always around. Yesterday we even spotted a blue heron, and were able to get some good pictures of the swans. On our drive to my brother's for a Labor Day BBQ, we both were so mesmerized by the varying shades of blue in the sky, the slight turning of the leaves on the trees heading from brilliant green to yellow and orange, the dark green of the grape vines, and the dried grass across the fields. September is upon us and we can just begin to feel the encroaching fall.

All of which reminding me of how much I love this season, and of how important it is to take the time to be mesmerized by nature. Appreciating nature increases our desire to protect it, and our ability to make changes in our individual lives in order to do so. It's always interesting to me how God put us in charge as stewards of His Earth, yet so many Christians (and others of faith) fail to do many of the things He asked of us. We turn a blind eye on a daily basis to one of the greatest gifts He gave us.

The sermon in my home church here on Sunday was entitled "Entertaining Angels Unawares" and the visiting pastor gave several examples of how Christians should represent God's love and how we do interact on a daily basis with angels. In my mind, every person, every creature, every aspect of creation can be seen as an angel, and yet how frequently do we reach out to protect, nurture, love all of it and the entirety of life that it holds....How often do we have the chance to "entertain angels" yet fail to do so?

The following is part of the Affirmation of Faith said on Sunday:

"Their daily action in the world is the church in mission to the world. The quality of their relation with other persons is the measure of the church's fidelity. Each member is the church in the world."

How true this is, and how often that we need reminding.....I hope that everyday I can remember to thank God for the beauty and supremacy of His creation, and that I can make a positive impact upon His gift.

Contradictory Terms

So I think I'm beginning to wonder, just how should I define simplicity? As I gear up toward moving back to the valley and to the city of Portland, I am again having to examine what I desire out of the upcoming experience. I am excited for what lies ahead but have mixed emotions on the return to the city, and I feel that some of my ideals are beginning to contradict each other. And so the questions begin in my mind......should I pay more for housing to live in the city so I don't have to deal with traffic? (In so doing I lose out on frugality and increase financial stress, but I gain in less transportation stress and less pollution production). Options are available in multiple forms, however sometimes I have to wonder if so many options helps or in fact hinders.

I've spent my week in the valley here primarily surrounded by others and thus was glad when today I had the opportunity to spend the day to myself. It has been great to visit with old friends, help out family members, and have help given to me in terms of the housing search, but it also renewed in me the knowledge that over the last six-ten months I've been choosing to live a very sheltered life. So now comes the task of trying to create a new shelter amongst the storm of the city, although I must admit that the culture and mentality of Portland correlates almost perfectly to my current values and philosophy.

I am currently sitting on the porch of one of my favorite restaurants where I can get "free" wi-fi (how is it free truly if I must pay for something?) and continuing my housing search, while also finally getting the chance this week to read up on blogs and other news. I keep getting distracted by the little things though. The squirrel with the cute bushy tail hunting out the area full of bushes. The beautiful blooms on the hanging baskets. The caw of the crow over head blocking out the noise of traffic. The laughter resonating from a near-by table as people bond over food, beer, and conversation. The calm settling on my soul as I recognize that no matter how much I try to worry or figure things out, someone (or thing...) larger than me is going to provide. Oh good times.....in the midst of uncertainity so much is certain and so much is natural about the state of contradiction.....it can after all be a good place to be.....

Vacation Week

So just in case you've been wondering...I'm on vacation this week making the rounds. I had my last week at my summer job last week and then left for Central Oregon the next day. I was so glad to be able to visit an old college roommate and her husband. We had some good moments together, including a beautiful hike. More on that trip to come....

I currently am in the valley this week helping my siblings paint their houses and looking for fall housing, while also visiting other friends and family. The neat thing about the painting is that they are both using recycled paint for their primer coat. I had never heard of that before but there are locations that take left over used paint and then mix it all together for people to use. Generally it makes tan, gray, or white; however my sister was told that in Portland there are 10-15 colors available to choose from. What a great concept! So although they are both using shades of blue, they were able to use the recycled paint as a base coat then.

It's always great to spend quality time with those I don't get to see as often, and I am reminded of how fortunate I am to have my family and friends in my life.

Reality Check-In

First thing every morning at work we have a check-in with the kids. This includes all of us sitting in a circle and sharing about how each of us is feeling every day. The kids don't always have a full answer and as staff, we try to limit yet model our answers. So here is my non-sugar coated answer: I am stressed.......

Stress is sort of an over-whelming emotion for me to feel as the majority of my life since embracing this life of simplicity has been relatively stress free. I've had my moments but nothing in comparison to the moments that I used to live. So one might ask...why am I currently stressed?

Well my job is fairly intense...from 8am until whenever I get to go home I am processing, processing, processing, which leaves me most unwilling to process about my personal needs and life upon dismissal from my job. Since I have been working longer days-that means that at times I am going non-stop for 8 to 9 hours meeting the needs of others. That would wear anyone out. But a strange realization happened today as I got to come home after only 6 hours...that is that I didn't quite know what to do with myself. I had become so used to over-working myself again and then spending the weekends catching up on my needs and the evenings being so exhausted that I just crashed, that I almost forgot how to relish and enjoy the simple moments. Thus I have spent this afternoon just thinking...really....for myself.

However that thinking led me to ponder all the things that I have been putting off doing until the completion of this summer job. And as I am just in the beginning stages now of a life transition (that of moving back north to start my newest grad program), I am feeling anxiety of how to bring my simple life into alignment with that of my life of a student and that of the life that others have known me by in the past. Hence my thoughts and my emotions are flying....(which ironically is how I described myself w/o all these additional details at check-in this morning...)

I feel saddened by leaving my job: the kids and the staff. I feel saddened by leaving behind the absolute comfort and contentness I feel toward being here how I am in this place and in this time. I feel nervous about starting a new program, about being again in the stress and rush of the city, however I too am excited about the knowledge and opportunities that will be gained through my courses. I am apprehensive about remaining simple and relaxed amongst commotion and the current uncertainities that I am facing.....

But this afternoon, I HAVE slowed down by doing those little things that I enjoy. I've created plans for wrapping up my last days at work, I scrubbed the bathroom sink and kitchen counters (when my surroundings are more ordered I can't help but feel the same), I made spaghetti sauce completely from scratch, I relished my glass of wine, I engaged in conversation with my father, and to compensate for any "greenness" I have slacked on as of late-I took a super short shower. :-) I know that the simple life is what I want, so now it's just remembering to give the control away from myself and embracing the blessings of what I have while looking forward to those that lay ahead....

Oregon Rain

While a bit strange, I have to admit that of all the reasons why I love Oregon, the fact that it rains so much is actually up there at the top of the list. While the Oregon coast and valley may not be the best place for people that have SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), the rain actually tends to make me happy. The rain brings a sense of renewal and freshness that can get dulled by numerous sunny days in a row. And as most Oregonians can attest to, we tend to grow accostumed to the rain to such a degree, that we can still continue to do regular activities that most people would stop doing with the onslaught of a few drops. However rainy weather also lends perfectly to plenty of memorable indoor moments. And while polar fleece may not be the most fashionable, we tend to wear it as an additional water proof coating, as umbrellas are rarely seen among native Oregonians. Rain is just our way of life.

So imagine my good fortune when last evening upon crawling into bed, I heard the initial rain drops land upon the roof. The gentle drops were an instant lullaby that lulled me into sleep. The drizzle has continued throughout today which has lended perfectly to an afternoon to finish the novel I started on Friday (Jane Eyre) with a cup of tea and my big fuzzy slippers. The few drops that landed on my clothing this morning while walking into and out of church dried quickly, but it felt great to turn my face to the rain and feel the mist upon my skin and the smell refresh my mind.

We've had an unusual summer weather pattern on the coast this year (as many regions of the world could also claim the same), so we have not had as much drizzly rain or high winds throughout this summer. It's been nice to have an actual summer here, but just lately I had begun to recognize slight changes that mean that fall is encroaching upon the last days of summer. And now the rain is a remembrance of the renewal of the changing of the seasons. While September tends to be beautiful in Oreogn, I have to wonder if it will have its usual pattern this year. Fall in the valley is one of my favorite times of year however, and so I feel most fortunate to be going back to experience its change firsthand.

So bring on the rain, its renewal, its cleansing, its greening, its comfort......rain will always be home to me.

Giving Life

"Together, we can save a life." We've probably all heard the newest motto of the American Red Cross, but how many of us have really taken the time to think about what it means. One of the simplest means of giving to another is that of giving blood for donation. In information taken from the Red Cross, it is reported that every day in the United States, 38,000 blood donations are needed and that frequently the blood supply is 2 days away from running out. This is especially true of the summer months, when blood donations drop. And only 30% of blood donors, donate more than once in their lives. These donors are the ones who keep the blood supply going.

I know that many people have had difficulty or negative experiences at one point with giving blood. The numerous regulations on blood donations also deter some individuals from giving blood. I myself have been frustrated at times due to their different regulations, but it is these very regulations that allow individuals to trust that the blood they are receiving from donors is clean and healthy and that donors themselves remain healthy. On my last donation attempt, I also described in a posting about how the phlebotomist lost pressure on my bag and the blood then was not usable. That experience definitely left me feeling frustrated, however when I think outside of myself I realize that a non-painful accident in giving is nothing compared to the need that there is for continued donations.

If I continue to give, I continue to allow for the life of others. Blood donations are used for treating "accident and burn victims, for treatment of cancer patients, for children with blood disorders, for individuals with sickle cell disease," for surgical procedures, for people with hemophilia, and the list continues. Currently only 5% of the eligible blood donor population in the United States gives blood-yet what a simple way to drastically save and impact the life of another. A blood donor can give again every 56 days, and donation generally takes about an hour. Who knows when one day you may rely upon the donation of another, so please take the time to think about and look into this absolutely simple way to give to another.