I'm currently in sweats and rolled in my sleeping bag and a blanket on the floor of my friend's house. My car could not be parked on my street this morning due to street cleaning so I drove over here last night to study and sleep and to keep my car out of the way of the neighborhood towing and cleaning crews. While it is quite cold in this house (they heat with oil and always keep the heat almost off throughout the winter), I feel quite comfortable bundled down in all of my coverings and looking out the upstairs window at the dew laden trees and the early misty morning. These are the things you miss without expansive windows and a more removed setting.
Being here has been good for me in other ways as well. It's been nice to be in the presence of an old friend and to play with her adorably fat cat. It's been nice to have internet access and to find more motivation to work on my papers. One thing that I always forget until I'm living by myself in the city is how necessary it is to have consistent and fulfilling interactions with others. As simple as I desire to be, I am not sure I would ever make it as a hermit in the woods although I suppose then nature's creatures would become my friends.
The last week has been a more difficult one, reminding me also that while simplistic is good, I need to be living at some level of busyness in order to feel that I am fulfilling my purpose here on this Earth. So I have come to the conclusion that after returning to the city for my next term, I need to find some sort of fulfilling part-time employment through which I can give more to others and feel that I am creating positive change.
That said I am looking forward to heading back to the coast for a month, to subbing, to visiting the kids I worked with this summer, to visiting with old friends coming home for the holidays, to reading interesting books, to taking long chatty walks, to spending time with family, and to being snug as a bug in a rug in the comfortable bubble of my parents home.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Thanksgiving
In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I love that we take the time to spend time with and cherish those individuals in our lives that mean the most to us. I love that we take the time to gather with those people, to remember the daily gifts that we have in our lives, to cook from scratch a generally nutritious meal, and to offer gratitude to God for the blessings He has given us. Thus I am looking forward to this Thursday and the time we will all spend at my aunt's house, and I am thankful for the Thanksgiving dinner I just shared on Saturday with one of my undergrad roommates and her social circle. In my mind, I have always romanticized the idea of Thanksgiving and have never felt that it lives up to my expectations. Funny that I would allow expectations to overshadow a time of blessings and gratitude. Thus it was even more interesting that this dinner on Saturday finally fulfilled the expectations I always had: fabulous homemade food (cooked primarily by my friend's boyfriend including vegan stuffing!), good wine, candles, great company, and wonderful laughter and conversation. However it could also be that my current mentality is one that has altered my expectations, regardless I feel I have much to be thankful for from this last year:
-another cancer-free year for my father
-getting into grad school and now potentially being able to do a dual program in the same amount of time
-the year I spent living with my parents (again)
-learning how to cook from scratch
-moments with my individual family members
-being a better aunt
-the flexibility of subbing
-safety on my many journeys
-deep conversations
-the support and love from and to family and friends
-all the moments with my granny
-making freezer jam
-the health and safety of my friends and family
-laughter
-having tomatoes that actually grew!
-finding housing just in the nick of time
-new windows, heat, clothing, health, food, transportation
-a functioning body including breathing lungs and walking legs
-the many sides of nature: sun, rain, breezes, sea mist, falling leaves, green fields
-the capacity to learn and grow
-answered prayer
-listening ears and caring hearts
-feeling "free" and restoring passion
-embracing and achieving goals
-restoring relationships
-finding simplicity and embracing humanity
-feeling, caring, loving, faith, hope
-wise words and strong memories
-beer and Scrabble
-scholarships
-all the kids I've worked with this year
-forgiveness, healing
-simple moments
-and every single one of you
May you all be filled with the blessings in your own lives and feel them magnified during this week! May your burdens be removed and your hearts be filled! Happy Thanksgiving!
-another cancer-free year for my father
-getting into grad school and now potentially being able to do a dual program in the same amount of time
-the year I spent living with my parents (again)
-learning how to cook from scratch
-moments with my individual family members
-being a better aunt
-the flexibility of subbing
-safety on my many journeys
-deep conversations
-the support and love from and to family and friends
-all the moments with my granny
-making freezer jam
-the health and safety of my friends and family
-laughter
-having tomatoes that actually grew!
-finding housing just in the nick of time
-new windows, heat, clothing, health, food, transportation
-a functioning body including breathing lungs and walking legs
-the many sides of nature: sun, rain, breezes, sea mist, falling leaves, green fields
-the capacity to learn and grow
-answered prayer
-listening ears and caring hearts
-feeling "free" and restoring passion
-embracing and achieving goals
-restoring relationships
-finding simplicity and embracing humanity
-feeling, caring, loving, faith, hope
-wise words and strong memories
-beer and Scrabble
-scholarships
-all the kids I've worked with this year
-forgiveness, healing
-simple moments
-and every single one of you
May you all be filled with the blessings in your own lives and feel them magnified during this week! May your burdens be removed and your hearts be filled! Happy Thanksgiving!
Heading in the Opposite Direction
Yesterday I woke up and all I wanted was to drink my coffee outside in some fashion. However, living in the city without a balcony/patio and with a view of other buildings out my windows, it would have entailed getting dressed and sitting on the building's front stoop or buying a cup of coffee where outdoor seating in the rainy season would be available. Neither of those options were ones I wanted to pursue, so I settled on drinking coffee in bed, reading organic magazines, and imagining the patio at my parent's place.
While driving down the coast on my last trip home, it dawned on me how much I miss that place-something I actually rarely think of when I am involved in my daily city living. Yet also for the first time I have been hearing myself say out loud frequently that I can see myself ending up back there or in a similar location on the Oregon coast. Strange then that here I am….in the city again…and enjoying it. The irony of life is that sometimes we end up having to head in the exact opposite direction of where we want to be in order to get to where we want to be in the end.
That concept is something that I think of when I read the wisdom of others who talk about how to better live more simply. The idea is to choose the end goal of where you want to be and then take the steps to get there, all the while creating simplicity where you currently are and enjoying the small moments. Thus while all I really want is to be back on the coast, I am enjoying my moments here, continuing to expand my education and professional skills in order to eventually end up back "home." The city has its own benefits and I actually don't doubt that this is exactly where I am supposed to be at this point in my life. I am one who believes that life/God takes us on a journey to best use our skills and to encourage growth, and that we are to embrace the gifts, moments, experiences, and people along the way. New doors seem to always open at the right moments as long as we are willing to proceed forward.
Thus while maybe at times it feels like the opposite direction, any step along the way toward the end goal has to actually be moving in the right direction. So for now I'll have to continue to envision the patio of my parent's place when I'm having moments of needing coffee and green spaces (and enjoy being able to purchase the New York Times which is something I can't have on the coast), because I have a feeling I might be here in this city for longer than I actually expect. We've got to relish the steps along the way or we're missing the beauty of life! Hope you all have been enjoying a great week previous!
While driving down the coast on my last trip home, it dawned on me how much I miss that place-something I actually rarely think of when I am involved in my daily city living. Yet also for the first time I have been hearing myself say out loud frequently that I can see myself ending up back there or in a similar location on the Oregon coast. Strange then that here I am….in the city again…and enjoying it. The irony of life is that sometimes we end up having to head in the exact opposite direction of where we want to be in order to get to where we want to be in the end.
That concept is something that I think of when I read the wisdom of others who talk about how to better live more simply. The idea is to choose the end goal of where you want to be and then take the steps to get there, all the while creating simplicity where you currently are and enjoying the small moments. Thus while all I really want is to be back on the coast, I am enjoying my moments here, continuing to expand my education and professional skills in order to eventually end up back "home." The city has its own benefits and I actually don't doubt that this is exactly where I am supposed to be at this point in my life. I am one who believes that life/God takes us on a journey to best use our skills and to encourage growth, and that we are to embrace the gifts, moments, experiences, and people along the way. New doors seem to always open at the right moments as long as we are willing to proceed forward.
Thus while maybe at times it feels like the opposite direction, any step along the way toward the end goal has to actually be moving in the right direction. So for now I'll have to continue to envision the patio of my parent's place when I'm having moments of needing coffee and green spaces (and enjoy being able to purchase the New York Times which is something I can't have on the coast), because I have a feeling I might be here in this city for longer than I actually expect. We've got to relish the steps along the way or we're missing the beauty of life! Hope you all have been enjoying a great week previous!
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Christmas Came Early This Year
Since I'm into talking about the holiday season already, I figured I might as well roll with the theme. While I know in my last post I must have seemed completely anti-shopping, I am not against gift giving. However I must say that I rather prefer getting and giving a gift when they are most needed than when a holiday says that I should give or get one.
For example, when I first moved into my apartment, my grandmother decided that I needed an area rug and that she wanted to be the one to get it for me because she knew I wouldn't buy it for myself. Thus I went out ahead of time and found one that was very affordable, will last me for years to come, and would be what both of us would agree upon for the space. Then we had a great time shopping together to pick it up. Christmas came early then.
Last weekend when I was down at my grandmother's again, she had just heard me rant the time before about how people should give gifts when they see needs rather than at birthdays and holidays. Thus when I walked in her door on the table was a package wrapped in Christmas paper and the excitement on her face for me to open it. It was a pedometer, as I'd been talking with her on the phone about wanting to know how far I am walking on a weekly basis, and again she knew I would never buy a pedometer for myself. Thus again Christmas came early and this time in wrapping too. (although I must add that this wasn't a true need.....I had mixed feelings about this one, although appreciated the thought all the same)
Tonight felt like another Christmas moment. Mom was having a women's society meeting at the house so I got to spend the evening with my father. We went to dinner and then spent the evening running errands. We returned the library books, dropped a card off at the post office, and then went shopping. Dad bought me plastic to winterize the old leaky window I still have and then caulking so I can recaulk my bathtub. Then he bought me groceries that will last for the next several weeks. However the best part was spending three consistent hours with just my father-talking when a thought entered our minds, discussing nutrition, looking at CDs or other items that interested us but neither one of us needed to buy, buying things that will be used, but mainly just being present in comfortable silence while enjoying being together. Thanksgiving and Christmas came early.
Two weekends ago, when my mother came up to visit family and we spent the morning together. She knew I didn't have the money to buy myself new pants, so we went thrift store shopping together and she got me the two pairs of pants and a sweater. And then coming home this weekend and seeing the scarves she's made and the hats & gloves she has purchased for me to donate to the street youth. Christmas came early this year.
These are the moments and the items (among others) that are "under" my tree this year, and which make me hopeful that this Christmas there won't be any other packages awaiting me under the tree. For when my needs are meet in this way, no other gifts are necessary. The individuals in my lives and the way they provide for me in multiple ways are my gifts throughout the year. No additional expectation demanded or desired.
These are the moments that to me represent what giving is truly about and that really make the joy of the Christmas season present all year long. When we give from our hearts-whether through time, action, donation, or providing for another's actual needs in a way that they can or will not....this is giving at it's finest. And when we give in this way, we have the entirety of the actual holiday season to celebrate the meanings of Thanksgiving and Christmas without having to get caught up in society's expectations for what the seasons have become. Giving remains pure throughout the year and the holiday season remains pure in its celebrations. So go ahead and give-just be mindful of how your purchases impact the planet, the wallet, and the well-being of yourself and those to who you give to-and take a chance on giving of just yourself or in a way that will meet an individual's needs. So ho-ho-ho-and to all a good night!
For example, when I first moved into my apartment, my grandmother decided that I needed an area rug and that she wanted to be the one to get it for me because she knew I wouldn't buy it for myself. Thus I went out ahead of time and found one that was very affordable, will last me for years to come, and would be what both of us would agree upon for the space. Then we had a great time shopping together to pick it up. Christmas came early then.
Last weekend when I was down at my grandmother's again, she had just heard me rant the time before about how people should give gifts when they see needs rather than at birthdays and holidays. Thus when I walked in her door on the table was a package wrapped in Christmas paper and the excitement on her face for me to open it. It was a pedometer, as I'd been talking with her on the phone about wanting to know how far I am walking on a weekly basis, and again she knew I would never buy a pedometer for myself. Thus again Christmas came early and this time in wrapping too. (although I must add that this wasn't a true need.....I had mixed feelings about this one, although appreciated the thought all the same)
Tonight felt like another Christmas moment. Mom was having a women's society meeting at the house so I got to spend the evening with my father. We went to dinner and then spent the evening running errands. We returned the library books, dropped a card off at the post office, and then went shopping. Dad bought me plastic to winterize the old leaky window I still have and then caulking so I can recaulk my bathtub. Then he bought me groceries that will last for the next several weeks. However the best part was spending three consistent hours with just my father-talking when a thought entered our minds, discussing nutrition, looking at CDs or other items that interested us but neither one of us needed to buy, buying things that will be used, but mainly just being present in comfortable silence while enjoying being together. Thanksgiving and Christmas came early.
Two weekends ago, when my mother came up to visit family and we spent the morning together. She knew I didn't have the money to buy myself new pants, so we went thrift store shopping together and she got me the two pairs of pants and a sweater. And then coming home this weekend and seeing the scarves she's made and the hats & gloves she has purchased for me to donate to the street youth. Christmas came early this year.
These are the moments and the items (among others) that are "under" my tree this year, and which make me hopeful that this Christmas there won't be any other packages awaiting me under the tree. For when my needs are meet in this way, no other gifts are necessary. The individuals in my lives and the way they provide for me in multiple ways are my gifts throughout the year. No additional expectation demanded or desired.
These are the moments that to me represent what giving is truly about and that really make the joy of the Christmas season present all year long. When we give from our hearts-whether through time, action, donation, or providing for another's actual needs in a way that they can or will not....this is giving at it's finest. And when we give in this way, we have the entirety of the actual holiday season to celebrate the meanings of Thanksgiving and Christmas without having to get caught up in society's expectations for what the seasons have become. Giving remains pure throughout the year and the holiday season remains pure in its celebrations. So go ahead and give-just be mindful of how your purchases impact the planet, the wallet, and the well-being of yourself and those to who you give to-and take a chance on giving of just yourself or in a way that will meet an individual's needs. So ho-ho-ho-and to all a good night!
Monday, November 12, 2007
Buy Nothing
I have to thank Theresa for posting on her blog about Buy Nothing Day. It's something that we just discussed about in one of my classes when we were talking about the concept of social marketing. I know that too many people will be out in the stores the day after Thanksgiving hoping to shop for Christmas gifts that people probably don't even need, thus take a minute and think about engaging in "Buy Nothing" day instead. A lot of people can't afford much of what they buy in the "spirit" of Christmas, but what if instead of buying we just enjoyed the gifts of time with each other? Time is the greatest gift of all. What if instead of buying an object or something for someone that will sit around and gather dust, we instead took them out to enjoy an experience? What if instead of spending all this money on things we don't really need....we gave it instead to others who could benefit from it? I'm not against giving....I'm against giving just to give and against shopping just to shop.
This year my siblings and I are not giving gifts. I'll get something for my nephews and something for my parents as I figure out more what they need. I will be adding on to a blanket for my nephew and buying something warm for my father. However the best piece o
f the holiday season will be spending Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family. Last year I was so saddened to see so many items under our tree when I knew that so many others go without and when I had explicity asked to receive nothing. For me the season is one of Thanksgiving for everything I already have such as the love and support of family and friends, my education, a warm living environment, clothes that fit and function, food. And the Christmas season is one in which I am reminded of the lessons that came due to the birth of the Savior and the number one lesson He taught us was to love God and to love others, especially those without. So I hope to spend my holiday season in moments of gratitude and of love-for both of those are gifts that do not require purchasing. May you enjoy the momentum of the season!
f the holiday season will be spending Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family. Last year I was so saddened to see so many items under our tree when I knew that so many others go without and when I had explicity asked to receive nothing. For me the season is one of Thanksgiving for everything I already have such as the love and support of family and friends, my education, a warm living environment, clothes that fit and function, food. And the Christmas season is one in which I am reminded of the lessons that came due to the birth of the Savior and the number one lesson He taught us was to love God and to love others, especially those without. So I hope to spend my holiday season in moments of gratitude and of love-for both of those are gifts that do not require purchasing. May you enjoy the momentum of the season!The Green Update: City Apartment
So it's been awhile since I've checked in about how I'm doing with the green life and things have changed some since I moved into my own place in the city. However there is always more to do to try to make a better impact.
Transportation-Walking is my primary form of getting around now, although I do take public transportation if it's late at night and I'm still in the true heart of downtown. But most everything I need is within walking distance and it's only 20 blocks to campus. My health has greatly benefited from the additional walking as well. I do use my car to visit family that live out of town however.
Food-I'm not growing anything as there isn't much sunlight in my back corner apartment. The majority of the food I'm eating is produce though w/ some complex carbs, but I'm remembering to take my tote bags to purchase it and still love left overs that do occur. I am able to buy more organic produce now though.
Electricity/Heating-I still unplug my cell as soon as it's done charging and my computer every night as well. The coffee pot gets unplugged as soon as it's done brewing. And I use my cellphone and a battery operated wall clock for my clocks. I turn off the lights if I'm not using them and the heat gets turned off (wall/space heater) anytime I leave the apartment and when I'm sleeping. I enrolled for green energy with the power company so my electricity will come from renewable sources for an additional .008 cents a kwh. They also installed new double paned windows to replace the leaded single pane cracked and non-closing ones I had before. The blinds go up in the day to encourage any possible sunlight to get in and then closed at night to keep the warmth in.
Water-Negative.....my shower goal still stands although I might manage a shorter shower once a week. AND I don't drink enough of it. I still need to buy a stainless steel water bottle for reuse so I can have water with me all the time but haven't been really looking nor wanting to purchase. I don't have a dishwasher so wash dishes by hand and I try to be mindful of the water I'm using in the process.
Trash/Recycling-Fabulous! My non-recyclable trash production is very nil anymore, maybe one very small bag every two weeks and I'm recycling about 80% of my overall "trash".
Products-Still using natural soaps and hair products. I've been wearing less make-up after finding out how bad it is for us women and I'm just about to run out of some of what I do have-however I'm still researching more healthful options because unfortunately I do love to wear make-up but I don't want to pay excessively to get it. Am still using vinegar/baking soda and Seventh Generation dish soap as my cleaning products also. And have stepped up the using of recycled products too.
Shopping-Yep, you've heard it. Too many new clothing items although they're all being used routinely. And now I'm in this mentality that I don't want to get rid of the other things I do have because I feel like I should use them up. I also had to buy a new cellphone because my other phone finally really did die-it wouldn't turn on at all, but I feel I got a cheap yet good deal and the guy gave me a discount on my monthly bill too. However I'm still glad I was able to move and set up without too many purchases to do so.
Citizenship-Between my sister and I there are 15 scarves completed for the street youth. I'm still going and I've opened it up to one of my classes and my home churches. There is a stack of mittens at my parents place also. And I'm not sure if this counts but it's important to me, every time I walk by a homeless person I try to meet their eyes, smile, and greet them. But now that I'm living off student loans, I haven't given financially nor have I given blood since I've moved.
So now you've heard it. I'm trying to make a better impact and being in the city does enable me to have it easier in some areas. Being at home for the weekend, I found it strange to drive the mile to church instead of walking....I still have things to work on, but I am happy with the changes I've made already.
How are you all doing in greening your lifestyles? I always love reading about those of you that really are doing big things!
Transportation-Walking is my primary form of getting around now, although I do take public transportation if it's late at night and I'm still in the true heart of downtown. But most everything I need is within walking distance and it's only 20 blocks to campus. My health has greatly benefited from the additional walking as well. I do use my car to visit family that live out of town however.
Food-I'm not growing anything as there isn't much sunlight in my back corner apartment. The majority of the food I'm eating is produce though w/ some complex carbs, but I'm remembering to take my tote bags to purchase it and still love left overs that do occur. I am able to buy more organic produce now though.
Electricity/Heating-I still unplug my cell as soon as it's done charging and my computer every night as well. The coffee pot gets unplugged as soon as it's done brewing. And I use my cellphone and a battery operated wall clock for my clocks. I turn off the lights if I'm not using them and the heat gets turned off (wall/space heater) anytime I leave the apartment and when I'm sleeping. I enrolled for green energy with the power company so my electricity will come from renewable sources for an additional .008 cents a kwh. They also installed new double paned windows to replace the leaded single pane cracked and non-closing ones I had before. The blinds go up in the day to encourage any possible sunlight to get in and then closed at night to keep the warmth in.
Water-Negative.....my shower goal still stands although I might manage a shorter shower once a week. AND I don't drink enough of it. I still need to buy a stainless steel water bottle for reuse so I can have water with me all the time but haven't been really looking nor wanting to purchase. I don't have a dishwasher so wash dishes by hand and I try to be mindful of the water I'm using in the process.
Trash/Recycling-Fabulous! My non-recyclable trash production is very nil anymore, maybe one very small bag every two weeks and I'm recycling about 80% of my overall "trash".
Products-Still using natural soaps and hair products. I've been wearing less make-up after finding out how bad it is for us women and I'm just about to run out of some of what I do have-however I'm still researching more healthful options because unfortunately I do love to wear make-up but I don't want to pay excessively to get it. Am still using vinegar/baking soda and Seventh Generation dish soap as my cleaning products also. And have stepped up the using of recycled products too.
Shopping-Yep, you've heard it. Too many new clothing items although they're all being used routinely. And now I'm in this mentality that I don't want to get rid of the other things I do have because I feel like I should use them up. I also had to buy a new cellphone because my other phone finally really did die-it wouldn't turn on at all, but I feel I got a cheap yet good deal and the guy gave me a discount on my monthly bill too. However I'm still glad I was able to move and set up without too many purchases to do so.
Citizenship-Between my sister and I there are 15 scarves completed for the street youth. I'm still going and I've opened it up to one of my classes and my home churches. There is a stack of mittens at my parents place also. And I'm not sure if this counts but it's important to me, every time I walk by a homeless person I try to meet their eyes, smile, and greet them. But now that I'm living off student loans, I haven't given financially nor have I given blood since I've moved.
So now you've heard it. I'm trying to make a better impact and being in the city does enable me to have it easier in some areas. Being at home for the weekend, I found it strange to drive the mile to church instead of walking....I still have things to work on, but I am happy with the changes I've made already.
How are you all doing in greening your lifestyles? I always love reading about those of you that really are doing big things!
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Sources of Validation
This has been an interesting last week in which I have struggled with feeling supported in my choice of mentality and in my future goals. However it was on my drive back to my home town yesterday that I realized that if I allow the lack of support or comments by others to question my definition of myself then a) i'm not being authentic and b) i'm living through external validation. Plus being the stubborn person I am, I always feel that when outside sources are trying to block you from being who you are or from following the lifestyle that you desire...well then you must actually be on the right path.
I don't expect everyone to agree with my thoughts, my dreams, or my actions (or rather at times my lack of actions). But what I can say is that I have never felt better about who I am, where I am going, or what I am doing with my life. I may hem and haw and change my mind about the steps within my life direction and at times I might voice my dismay about certain areas; however I would have to say that I am for once settled in myself. I know who I am, what I stand for, and the general type of person that I want to be. I know that I have never felt more content than in living this current lifestyle of simplicity that I have chosen. I know that my own internal validation and satisfaction means so much more than searching for validation from external sources (although positive support is appreciated!).
That said I have to admit that I love the blogging community for it's nice to be able to communicate with others who are so kind to share the wisdom, the mindfulness, and the mentality of a life so simplistically and carefully lived. It's nice to have a place I can communicate and read from and not feel as though my thoughts are so much stranger than others. It's nice to read about others who are truly living the life that I have set my sights on achieving.
Yet I also feel that I should add that I am most blessed by a wonderful family-one that supports me regardless of lifestyle or mentality choice AND by fabulous and steadfast friends that while we might be very different, they'll love me just the same. I feel very fortunate indeed to be surrounded by community on multiple levels, as I'm coming to realize more and more that our relationships really are what make life the most worth living. So thank you to those of you who love and support me just for being...well authentically me whether it was yesterday, today, or tomorrow......
I hope everyone has had a wonderful start to the weekend!
I don't expect everyone to agree with my thoughts, my dreams, or my actions (or rather at times my lack of actions). But what I can say is that I have never felt better about who I am, where I am going, or what I am doing with my life. I may hem and haw and change my mind about the steps within my life direction and at times I might voice my dismay about certain areas; however I would have to say that I am for once settled in myself. I know who I am, what I stand for, and the general type of person that I want to be. I know that I have never felt more content than in living this current lifestyle of simplicity that I have chosen. I know that my own internal validation and satisfaction means so much more than searching for validation from external sources (although positive support is appreciated!).
That said I have to admit that I love the blogging community for it's nice to be able to communicate with others who are so kind to share the wisdom, the mindfulness, and the mentality of a life so simplistically and carefully lived. It's nice to have a place I can communicate and read from and not feel as though my thoughts are so much stranger than others. It's nice to read about others who are truly living the life that I have set my sights on achieving.
Yet I also feel that I should add that I am most blessed by a wonderful family-one that supports me regardless of lifestyle or mentality choice AND by fabulous and steadfast friends that while we might be very different, they'll love me just the same. I feel very fortunate indeed to be surrounded by community on multiple levels, as I'm coming to realize more and more that our relationships really are what make life the most worth living. So thank you to those of you who love and support me just for being...well authentically me whether it was yesterday, today, or tomorrow......
I hope everyone has had a wonderful start to the weekend!
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Stressed until Reminders
Over the course of the last week I have been feeling stressed pertaining to my grad program through a variety of situations: not feeling like this program is exactly what I expected it to be, worried about finances, having more than usual due in these middle weeks of the term, feeling like I blew a group presentation last week, thinking about being out of town so much, finding it hard to meet new people.
Thus I found it ironic and refreshing that the day after I was the most stressed, lots of little things came together to rejuvenate me-something that I took to be reminders from God that He really will provide for all of my needs. Someone randomly sent me $20 in the mail which reinforced that the money will be provided for my education and living needs, I had the opportunity to rewrite a critique and scored much better on it the second time around, the high school I used to sub for had called which reminded me that come December I will have work, I did very well on an assignment for another class, I discovered that it really may be possible to transform this grad program into something that will better fit my needs, I had a bonding conversation on the phone with one of my friends, and discovered that another acquaintance from my undergrad now lives in my general neighborhood. And now I am here again at my granny's where I have spent the weekend doing my reading, writing my paper that is due this week, scheduling meetings and the visit from my out of town friend this next week, and going with her to this fabulous concert at the church last night. The concert additionally reinforced that all we have to do is trust and believe in the Lord and the greatest gift He gave. We may not feel that life is always peachy but even in the negative moments, there is hope that tomorrow will be better.
This morning upon waking up I took some pictures of the overcast morning with the trees against it. In taking a study break yesterday, I went for a walk around the lakes and listened to the sounds of nature. The squirrels scurrying around preparing for winter, the leaves crunching under my toes, the ducks squawking away hoping I would feed them, the snap of branches from the weight of landed birds, the caw of the crow. And I saw the brillance of the reds, yellows, browns, and greens present in the leaves, the bright green of the grass, the shiny white of the swans, the beauty of the surviving roses on the bushes. Life pared down to its simplest form is beautiful and fulfilling-truly what more could we need?
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