Is it Reverting, Compromise, or Becoming Comfortable?

This week was the beginning of my new program and yesterday included 10 minute presentations on ourselves to the cohort. While there are only 12 of us, only 4 of us are local to Portland. The others have come from San Francisco, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Montana, Missouri, Utah, and New Mexico. All are social workers of course, and most seem "green" inclined. Their reasons for coming to Portland vary beyond school, but they seem to be representative of the influx of new people to Portland.

Somehow the fact that I am "local" makes me laugh. As much as I pride myself on being Oregonian, I have realized that although I've lived in Oregon for 16 years, I still hesitate to say I'm from the state. This is especially ironic when I believe my mentality is fairly representative of the state even with the urban/rural divide. So why is it that I hesitate to pinpoint my origin? Maybe it's because I feel I can't wrap my origin into just one segment of my life. Instead I like to think of myself as global citizen-even with how idealist that seems.

While the assignment of presenting myself was easy, it was also difficult to know just how much to share and how to make sense of myself for others. I always begin with the word "contradictive" as descriptive of my attributes, and I mainly blame this on the fact that I was raised in numerous locations and had a variety of experiences which forced me to see both sides of most stories. From the term contradictive, I tried to touch on the key points. Ten years of military and moving; faith based traditional family; the contrast from liberal Eugene to conservative small town; my year in Argentina; the stress of overloaded credits, multiple jobs, too many commitments in college with the benefit of a summer in London; my grandfather's death, my father's cancer, and my brother's divorce; multiple moves home, an attempt at a real job and then graduate school; and ending with Blood Diamond and the changes the simplicity movement invoked for me.

Which leads me to my thoughts of: as of late am I reverting to pre-simplicity/frugality/green living or am I compromising? For the most part many of my initial changes have remained the same. I still walk when possible, use organic products, recycle, reduce use and waste, donate, conserve when I can, and generally be as frugal as I can. But in the last several months I have also bought toxic make-up and gone shopping for new summer clothes. I've also reverted in some areas due to city living (such as using the clothes dryer). However, I suppose my question stems more from the concept that if one isn't moving forward in change, is one instead being stagnant? If I have reverted in some outward areas, am I truly being representative of the lifestyle? Or is it just that many of these actions have become so ingrained in me that it's hard to recognize them as "other" anymore?

When I want so badly to convince more people that change needs to occur, am I doing enough to demonstrate that it's possible? Am I truly living the lifestyle that I feel needs to be lived or instead am I conforming to what society expects? This balance is so hard to strike at times. How do you remain a part of and adhere to many of the ways of society when deep down you feel that society is mainly wrong? When is it compromising and when is it instead hypocrisy?

The shining light lately is seeing the changes that my parents have continued to make even without being forced into it by my presence in their home. Mom has become the recycling advocate among her family, coworkers, and friends. They continue to seperate out for recyling things they can recycle locally and things they must take to the valley to recycle. For the most part, she uses her tote bags and at least thinks about what is in the products they use. They purchased a Prius (and yes, I've heard the debate about how horrible the actual making of hybrids is for the world). Dad still bikes when he can. He mows with an electric mower. They have become the "greenies" in a fairly non-greeny land.

And maybe that's the trick of it. Just doing what you can when you can and being okay with it when you can't. And letting yourself be okay with the small steps back in comparison to the big steps forward already made.....