Confidence Boosters

So today I've pretty much been flying solo around the house.  My husband's on 24 hour duty which means he hasn't been able to come home at all today.  So I spent the day keeping myself occupied and taking care of what needed to be done around the house.  I did three loads of laundry, made MY first loaf of bread (I will admit it wasn't quite as good as the hub's), ran for 30 mins at the neighborhood center and got a new air filter, took the dogs on a 2 mile walk, checked on our frozen outside pipes and set them to drip once thawed, washed Roxi off after she dug 3x today, had a pep talk with a friend from home who has a big interview next weekend, and picked up the house and yard.  I spent this evening heating up left overs and making a delicious salad, playing with and taking care of the pets, and online comparison shopping for a 2nd vehicle.  At the end of today, I feel glad that I was able to get a decent chunk of stuff done around the house without my husband, but I definitely missed having his helping hand along side of mine.

I also had some thoughts about confidence.  I start my new on-call position on Monday and so I've been mentally preparing myself to enter this training period with confidence.  I'm well aware that how I perform during the next two weeks may determine whether or not I am granted the next full position that opens.  Rationally I recognize that I'm a competent learner and an intelligent individual, but for some reason internally I always feel apprehensive and incompetent when it comes to starting any position that entails my taking on responsibility.  It's a stark contrast to how I felt as an undergrad student and in the beginning stages of my first full time job.  I'm not sure if this lack of confidence came about as a side effect of the negative atmosphere of that first job--a place where youth was seen as a defect and back stabbing on cases was common.  Or it may be that my first real job snapped me into the harsh reality of the ways of the world.  Or if it was the reality of personal life that those that are nearest to us are all fragile pieces of a greater puzzle.  Whatever it was--my confidence in my abilities as an employee and as someone who desires to make decisions that impact the lives of others was greatly dwindled.

Ironically this lack of confidence is something that many of my fellow friends and past coworkers admit to feeling as well.  Whether or not this is due to surrounding myself with individuals of the same nature or this is becoming a common occurrence among my generation I'm not so sure.  What I do know is that during the last several years it takes a few days of mental preparation for me to exude the level of confidence  needed to meet the desired expectation when interviewing or beginning a new position.  Thus my mental pep-talks for myself began today.  Sometimes this takes the form of mentally replaying my resume in my mind and thinking of all the incredible experiences I've been able to play a part in.  Generally I think of what the upcoming position will include and let myself know that I've already done all of those tasks in previous jobs before too.  Other times this incurs telling myself that I'm in my late 20s and that I should pull myself together.  Sometimes I think about other individuals who are my age and the numerous things that they have been able to do (something about collective age action...maybe vicarious experience?!).  But for the most part, I'm able to bundle it all together and do a wonderful job of hiding the more insecure interior....so let's just hope I "get the job done" in the coming weeks as well! ;-)  I know I have the abilities...it's just persuading myself to use them in manners that might impact the lives of others....for better or for worse.

There are several great things as of late, including: money savings, running, eating healthier, potential courses to take, and the lodging of complaints...but these are all things I will talk about in another posting.  May each of you have a wonderful day ahead full of confidence for whatever comes your way!