Nothing much really to report--am just steadily trudging along through the rest of the term. I've come to realize that part of my problem of focusing this term has been due to the fact that I have multiple looming deadlines and too many different pots that are slightly simmering at once. I'm taking a fascinating anthropology course this term, and the professor mentioned in there that technically the human brain caps out at being able to manage about 7 different things at once. So if that's true, then it's no wonder that most of my friends in the program and I have been all over the place. We all are seeing the irony that a program based on improving health is creating havoc in our own healthful outlooks due to stress/time management.
We all have a full course load (with at least one course that requires much more work than normal this term), all are research assistants, all are trying to get our internship paperwork and internships solidified for next term, all are trying to start studying for our 2 hour oral comprehensive exam that comes at the end of our program, all are trying to prepare for graduation, and all of us have a major significant other in our lives. I feel lucky that unlike a couple of my friends, I am not working another job nor do I have children who need/deserve my time as well. How they are able to do it all, I don't know, but it seems pretty representative of the average overworked American.
However I do know how lucky we are to have this opportunity of grad school, to support each other, to have gotten to this time period in our lives. It takes a lot of support, a lot of willpower, a lot of open doors, a lot of hardwork, and a lot of scrimping and borrowing to get here. I know I will eternally be grateful for all the individuals, organizations, and experiences that got me here.
On another note yesterday was the acclaimed Valentine's Day. Luckily I feel that the man in my life is my gift and am glad that he feels the same. There was no need to exchange gifts, no need to glamorize one day, when everyday is a gift in itself. I am much more the type of person who likes to give little things on occasion when I see, make, or can do something that will make another person feel thought of and appreciated. My anti-consumption Christmas has thus transferred to all other holidays as well. I'd just rather appreciate the everyday little moments that themselves are the largest gifts than feel obligated or have another person feel obligated to get something just because "it's what we do." With him being so far away, my best daily gift is just the evening phone call I get to have with him.
As for now, I'm off to trudge along the rest of this weekend. One paper that is due tomorrow evening, a group meeting this afternoon, and I'm hopeful I can make it through the rest of my other book in the next day or two.
I hope you are enjoying a wonderful weekend embracing the little gifts that are daily present in our lives. Have a good one!
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Change in Perspective
How I get so far into my own little world I will never know....but it happens much more than I would like. I can blame it on the city, I can blame it on grad school, I can blame it on changing relationships...but in reality I know that I only have myself to blame when wondering how I have let myself become so self-absorbed in moments.
When I first started this blog, I felt an almost daily peaceful settling feeling upon my soul. I felt my connection to the outside world. I felt my connection to nature and to others--and wondered what I could do every day to make this place, this world, this planet a better place for all of us who live here. Yet, somehow the events, the changes, the time over the last two years has slowly but surely had me moving away from that mindset. I've blogged multiple times about how hard it is for me to live as a member of mainstream society and not lose the perspective that I hold most dear...and wish others would hold dear as well. But I also can't blame other people for not being able to extend themselves to the world, when I obviously can't focus long enough to do it myself either.
The last two to three weeks have been incredibly full and stressful due to midterms, relationship revelations, and work obligations. Yet at the culmination of it all, it made me stop and think....about how far away I have gotten from where I want to be, about how much I have allowed things to overwhelm me, and about how much I have begun to take for granted. This life that I have; the doors that have opened in my life educationally and professionally; the individuals in my life who are so supportive, patient, and loving; the fact that I have a job period; the roof over my head and the housemate who resides here; the full drawers of food in my fridge; my bills that are covered through budgeting; my car that functions; the multitude of items hanging in my closet; the health that I have been able to maintain; the freedoms and privileges that I am given due to living in this nation and in my demographic category; the future that looks so promising; and I could go on.
Somehow someway I'd stopped thinking of those individuals in the movie Blood Diamond being forced apart from their families, forced to fight before they're old enough to understand, forced to watch family and friends be killed, forced to endure violence upon them for no apparent reason. (And all while people like me, walk around oblivious to their struggle.) Somehow someway I'd forgotten what it must be like to have been abused as a child, struggle with a mental disorder or addiction, and live in the harshest and loneliest of conditions on the streets. Somehow someway I'd forgotten what it felt like to go through life from paycheck to paycheck hoping to God that I didn't get in an accident or get sick, that my car didn't break down, that gas wouldn't go up in price another 10 cents so I could still afford groceries.
And so here I am saying that I really need and have been needing....a CHANGE IN PERSPECTIVE. One of things I actually resonated with during Obama's inauguration speech was the fact that he placed it upon all of us to step up to the plate, to be willing to sacrifice for our nation in a way we maybe never have had to before, and to face the difficulties ahead of us ready for a change...for the better. Two days ago I wrote the word perspective up on the mirror in my room in eyeliner. For the last two days I have done better at maintaining perspective. Now I'm just trying to figure out how I can get back to re-integrating a larger care for the world. While I still make positive daily actions, I'd like to have back the attitude that goes with it also.
So bear with me as I attempt this change in perspective. I keep hoping that streamlining my life after graduation is going to take care of part of it, but I also know that will bring new challenges and transitions in its own right. Guess this is my newest large goal. ;-)
Hope everyone is enjoying a beautiful week wherever you are located!
When I first started this blog, I felt an almost daily peaceful settling feeling upon my soul. I felt my connection to the outside world. I felt my connection to nature and to others--and wondered what I could do every day to make this place, this world, this planet a better place for all of us who live here. Yet, somehow the events, the changes, the time over the last two years has slowly but surely had me moving away from that mindset. I've blogged multiple times about how hard it is for me to live as a member of mainstream society and not lose the perspective that I hold most dear...and wish others would hold dear as well. But I also can't blame other people for not being able to extend themselves to the world, when I obviously can't focus long enough to do it myself either.
The last two to three weeks have been incredibly full and stressful due to midterms, relationship revelations, and work obligations. Yet at the culmination of it all, it made me stop and think....about how far away I have gotten from where I want to be, about how much I have allowed things to overwhelm me, and about how much I have begun to take for granted. This life that I have; the doors that have opened in my life educationally and professionally; the individuals in my life who are so supportive, patient, and loving; the fact that I have a job period; the roof over my head and the housemate who resides here; the full drawers of food in my fridge; my bills that are covered through budgeting; my car that functions; the multitude of items hanging in my closet; the health that I have been able to maintain; the freedoms and privileges that I am given due to living in this nation and in my demographic category; the future that looks so promising; and I could go on.
Somehow someway I'd stopped thinking of those individuals in the movie Blood Diamond being forced apart from their families, forced to fight before they're old enough to understand, forced to watch family and friends be killed, forced to endure violence upon them for no apparent reason. (And all while people like me, walk around oblivious to their struggle.) Somehow someway I'd forgotten what it must be like to have been abused as a child, struggle with a mental disorder or addiction, and live in the harshest and loneliest of conditions on the streets. Somehow someway I'd forgotten what it felt like to go through life from paycheck to paycheck hoping to God that I didn't get in an accident or get sick, that my car didn't break down, that gas wouldn't go up in price another 10 cents so I could still afford groceries.
And so here I am saying that I really need and have been needing....a CHANGE IN PERSPECTIVE. One of things I actually resonated with during Obama's inauguration speech was the fact that he placed it upon all of us to step up to the plate, to be willing to sacrifice for our nation in a way we maybe never have had to before, and to face the difficulties ahead of us ready for a change...for the better. Two days ago I wrote the word perspective up on the mirror in my room in eyeliner. For the last two days I have done better at maintaining perspective. Now I'm just trying to figure out how I can get back to re-integrating a larger care for the world. While I still make positive daily actions, I'd like to have back the attitude that goes with it also.
So bear with me as I attempt this change in perspective. I keep hoping that streamlining my life after graduation is going to take care of part of it, but I also know that will bring new challenges and transitions in its own right. Guess this is my newest large goal. ;-)
Hope everyone is enjoying a beautiful week wherever you are located!
Sunday, February 8, 2009
The Replacements
Well....after putting off this investment for 1.5 years, I finally took the plunge...and replaced my make-up. You're all aware that over the last 2 years I have gradually attempted to switch out many (but not all) of my personal care products and other products to healthier alternatives. This has meant spending many hours looking at what's available, screening all sorts of items in the database, weighing the pros and cons of local versus even more trusted sources, debating on the necessity of even needing to use half this stuff, and wondering how I was going to afford to invest in all the new products that I "needed" to replace.
While I definitely use more personal care products/make-up than necessary, I do like to believe that I am more of a minimalist in this regard than some in my age category. And over the last year, I've completely fallen in love with some great personal care products, most of which are from Burts Bees:
-Super Shiny Grapefruit & Sugar Beet Shampoo and Conditioner
-Burts Bees Beeswax Lip Balm & Lip Glosses
-Garden Carrot Complexion Soap
-Trader Joes Oatmeal Body Bar Soap
I never use shaving cream and still use the Recycline recyclable razor with replaceable cartridges. Some personal care products that I have not replaced yet are my daily face lotion and I still use on occasion mainstream body lotion (although the unscented variety (SAFER!!!) and with a medium rating for health effects). (On a side note, I'm pretty dang impressed that my boyfriend has readily jumped on my hippy/healthy bandwagon and replaced some of his own stuff with safer alternatives too...)
So yesterday was the day when I finally bit the bullet and plopped down the major cash in order to hopefully reduce more of my body's chemical burden. I'm finding this to be especially more important the more I move into potential child producing years, as I'd really like to diminish the chemical burden that my own body carries, especially when I know how that burden is likely to be passed on to any biological child that I may have one day.
While it was fun trying out new make-up, I definitely made sure to just stick with the basics. The woman at Camellia Pure Beauty was pretty fun and definitely didn't try to pressure me into anything extra. And I have to say...I'm quite impressed with the coverage and wear of what I ended up purchasing. If you can see them in the picture, there's a black eyeliner, 2 eyeshadows, mineral powder & bronzer, a concealer stick, a highlight stick, and then black mascara (vegetable based btw). Three items are from the local mineral make-up company Alima that I have mentioned before. Oh and the lip gloss is from before...and is Burts Bees.
I have to admit I felt a little guilty chucking my oldies into the trash knowing that I am polluting the landfill with chemicals and non-recyclable plastic containers, but I also feel better knowing that I'm hopefully putting my health (and that of any potential biological children) to the forefront. I just wish the price would drop to make these items even more accessible to the general population, and that awareness would increase on these topics too. Sometimes those preventative efforts can feel like a major investment, but at least it's an investment in a better future.
While I definitely use more personal care products/make-up than necessary, I do like to believe that I am more of a minimalist in this regard than some in my age category. And over the last year, I've completely fallen in love with some great personal care products, most of which are from Burts Bees:
-Super Shiny Grapefruit & Sugar Beet Shampoo and Conditioner
-Burts Bees Beeswax Lip Balm & Lip Glosses
-Garden Carrot Complexion Soap
-Trader Joes Oatmeal Body Bar Soap
I never use shaving cream and still use the Recycline recyclable razor with replaceable cartridges. Some personal care products that I have not replaced yet are my daily face lotion and I still use on occasion mainstream body lotion (although the unscented variety (SAFER!!!) and with a medium rating for health effects). (On a side note, I'm pretty dang impressed that my boyfriend has readily jumped on my hippy/healthy bandwagon and replaced some of his own stuff with safer alternatives too...)
So yesterday was the day when I finally bit the bullet and plopped down the major cash in order to hopefully reduce more of my body's chemical burden. I'm finding this to be especially more important the more I move into potential child producing years, as I'd really like to diminish the chemical burden that my own body carries, especially when I know how that burden is likely to be passed on to any biological child that I may have one day.
While it was fun trying out new make-up, I definitely made sure to just stick with the basics. The woman at Camellia Pure Beauty was pretty fun and definitely didn't try to pressure me into anything extra. And I have to say...I'm quite impressed with the coverage and wear of what I ended up purchasing. If you can see them in the picture, there's a black eyeliner, 2 eyeshadows, mineral powder & bronzer, a concealer stick, a highlight stick, and then black mascara (vegetable based btw). Three items are from the local mineral make-up company Alima that I have mentioned before. Oh and the lip gloss is from before...and is Burts Bees.
I have to admit I felt a little guilty chucking my oldies into the trash knowing that I am polluting the landfill with chemicals and non-recyclable plastic containers, but I also feel better knowing that I'm hopefully putting my health (and that of any potential biological children) to the forefront. I just wish the price would drop to make these items even more accessible to the general population, and that awareness would increase on these topics too. Sometimes those preventative efforts can feel like a major investment, but at least it's an investment in a better future.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Prevention Vs Treatment
Over the course of the last two weeks, I've put a lot of thought into the idea of there being two types of people in the world at times. There are those that focus primarily on making preventative choices. And then there are those that wait until after an issue arises and who make choices to treat the issue. I'm not saying that everyone falls into either category every single time, but I have definitely noticed that most of us have the tendency to live our lives in a manner that settles into one of these categories...most of the time.
I originally was thinking about this in terms of simple things, such as:
-taking one's car in for regular servicing to keep it running smoothly versus taking a car in when it has a major issue
-brushing one's teeth on a regular basis and having check ups versus visiting the dentist once there is a pain in one's tooth
-paying a bill on time versus paying a bill and a late fee
However it dawned on me that a lot of these small choices add up to larger financial (and stress) savings for the individual as well. Often, at least in my opinion, a person can avert shelling out more money and having less hassle by taking the necessary preventative steps. (Although this is the case if one is lucky enough to have the necessary funds to afford the $30 oil change and oral health care, etc).
Yet even beyond the money and stress on a small scale, I can't help but think about how these differences impact the world on a larger scale. If our political and social leaders approached their decisions thinking about improving the long term picture rather than band-aid fixes....this world would be a much better place.
Thinking about things in terms of prevention versus treatment can impact many of our decisions for the better, including those decisions that effect other people. I recognize that we don't always know what is coming--there is ALWAYS the unexpected that winds up at our door and we have to deal with those situations. But I can't help but wonder if those moments of treatment fixes are easier to deal with when we are already taking preventative approaches in most of the other areas of our lives?
No right or wrong answers here...just observations and thoughts passing through my mind over the last two weeks.
I originally was thinking about this in terms of simple things, such as:
-taking one's car in for regular servicing to keep it running smoothly versus taking a car in when it has a major issue
-brushing one's teeth on a regular basis and having check ups versus visiting the dentist once there is a pain in one's tooth
-paying a bill on time versus paying a bill and a late fee
However it dawned on me that a lot of these small choices add up to larger financial (and stress) savings for the individual as well. Often, at least in my opinion, a person can avert shelling out more money and having less hassle by taking the necessary preventative steps. (Although this is the case if one is lucky enough to have the necessary funds to afford the $30 oil change and oral health care, etc).
Yet even beyond the money and stress on a small scale, I can't help but think about how these differences impact the world on a larger scale. If our political and social leaders approached their decisions thinking about improving the long term picture rather than band-aid fixes....this world would be a much better place.
Thinking about things in terms of prevention versus treatment can impact many of our decisions for the better, including those decisions that effect other people. I recognize that we don't always know what is coming--there is ALWAYS the unexpected that winds up at our door and we have to deal with those situations. But I can't help but wonder if those moments of treatment fixes are easier to deal with when we are already taking preventative approaches in most of the other areas of our lives?
No right or wrong answers here...just observations and thoughts passing through my mind over the last two weeks.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Mind check
Some nights you just need to put cotton in your ears. Do you ever have moments when you feel so tired of the expectations upon you and the things that "must get done"? Yesterday I had one of those moments-when I was tired of thinking/doing/resisting all the things that I need to get done for my job, for the people in my life, for school. So instead I just put it all on the back burner-opened a bottle of wine, put in one of my favorite movies, and took an evening to just be alone.....and relish it. I went to bed at a decent hour with my earplugs in-knowing I'd need a good sleep in order to wake up for a productive day.
Luckily I know myself well enough to know that sometimes I work better after an evening such as this. When I can take a few hours just for self care--enough to really engage in the material with a clear head the next day. So I'm up early to wrap up the current final piece of my job expectations...well for now. I'm sure there will be more heading in my direction within the next week. However this is the final piece of what has been talked about this month.
We're steadily approaching midterms and I keep telling myself that I just have to make it through half of this term and then one more after that. Next term is primarily just my internship and studying for comprehensive exams. I'm looking forward to days when I have 2 or 3 set things ahead of me and not 15 loose ends that need to be thought about but not taken care of just yet. After this long road of educational achievement, I'm itching to be done, done, done.
In the midst of it all, I'm still trying to remember to smile at strangers and spread kindness as I can, work on the occasional scarf, etc etc. These are the things that I wish could be more the focus of my life instead of mindful extras I'm making when my thoughts are so buried on other topics. Yet my housemate yesterday reminded me of the concept of being blessed....that even with the opportunities/expectations/responsibilities that weigh us down...we need to remember that they are also blessings. While I'm tired of school and a hundred other little things, I need to remember how fortunate I am to have had the means and opportunity to pursue my goals & have these experiences when so many others have the same doors shut in their faces or the doors just remain unapproachable. So in a strange way, it's important that I remember to be fortunate for that which gives me grief. ;-)
And with that I'll stop my frustrated, whining ramble, and instead wish that each of you is having a week full of joy and blessings!
Luckily I know myself well enough to know that sometimes I work better after an evening such as this. When I can take a few hours just for self care--enough to really engage in the material with a clear head the next day. So I'm up early to wrap up the current final piece of my job expectations...well for now. I'm sure there will be more heading in my direction within the next week. However this is the final piece of what has been talked about this month.
We're steadily approaching midterms and I keep telling myself that I just have to make it through half of this term and then one more after that. Next term is primarily just my internship and studying for comprehensive exams. I'm looking forward to days when I have 2 or 3 set things ahead of me and not 15 loose ends that need to be thought about but not taken care of just yet. After this long road of educational achievement, I'm itching to be done, done, done.
In the midst of it all, I'm still trying to remember to smile at strangers and spread kindness as I can, work on the occasional scarf, etc etc. These are the things that I wish could be more the focus of my life instead of mindful extras I'm making when my thoughts are so buried on other topics. Yet my housemate yesterday reminded me of the concept of being blessed....that even with the opportunities/expectations/responsibilities that weigh us down...we need to remember that they are also blessings. While I'm tired of school and a hundred other little things, I need to remember how fortunate I am to have had the means and opportunity to pursue my goals & have these experiences when so many others have the same doors shut in their faces or the doors just remain unapproachable. So in a strange way, it's important that I remember to be fortunate for that which gives me grief. ;-)
And with that I'll stop my frustrated, whining ramble, and instead wish that each of you is having a week full of joy and blessings!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Feeling Better
This morning I have been lazy in bed. There is much in terms of work and school that is waiting to be accomplished, but instead, I spent a large chunk of this morning sleeping in and reading blogs. And as I poked around other blogs and ruminated on other people's thoughts, I felt renewed. Sometimes there is just something fabulously hopeful about the blog community-that even though we see the negative that exists in the world, so many individuals out there are taking the steps to try to make this world a better place...through their behaviors, actions, and mindsets. I also saw that several other bloggers talk about the same sort of "falling down" behaviors that I covered in my last night post. So it's nice to know that I'm not alone in feeling guilty, especially when I know that we're at least mindful of those slights.
This morning I've also been thinking about some of the moments from yesterday that are simple and yet stand out as most influential in my day. Sometimes those things which seem insignificant can be the icing on the cake.
-I got off the MAX early yesterday at the stop most near New Seasons so I could pick up a gift and I really enjoyed the extra walk home from the stop. It adds a bit more distance but it also gave me much mental space to process, to observe the natural world, and to just feel alive through movement and breath.
-Yesterday was an incredibly beautiful day. The type of day that tricks you into feeling that spring is right around the corner, even when you know you've just barely touched on winter. The sun was out, the air was crisp but not too cold, and that stillness that only exists in winter (even in the city) could be found.
-While driving home last night, a potentially homeless pedestrian ambled across the crosswalk in front of me right as my light turned green. An action that could have irked me, yet it gave me pause as this gentleman raised his hand toward me in an act of apology. I was completely humbled by this man who while going through his own difficulties still took the time to make a gesture of kindness....when kindness may have been the furthest thing from either of our minds. (On a side note, I think I've learned more from and had more memorable moments interacting with the homeless in this city over the last 1.5 years than I have with many of the city's other strangers).
-And then when all was said and done, I felt the kindness of my friends and family radiating through emails and texts throughout the day. And I ended the night with a phone call from my own gentle man...that even though he's far away, his peace still lands upon my soul and calms my fears and worries. Lucky and blessed am I.
Today promises to allow me to run some errands and accomplish some reading for class. And then my fellow frugal and simple gal pal will be joining me for a relaxing dinner at home. It should be a good one!
This morning I've also been thinking about some of the moments from yesterday that are simple and yet stand out as most influential in my day. Sometimes those things which seem insignificant can be the icing on the cake.
-I got off the MAX early yesterday at the stop most near New Seasons so I could pick up a gift and I really enjoyed the extra walk home from the stop. It adds a bit more distance but it also gave me much mental space to process, to observe the natural world, and to just feel alive through movement and breath.
-Yesterday was an incredibly beautiful day. The type of day that tricks you into feeling that spring is right around the corner, even when you know you've just barely touched on winter. The sun was out, the air was crisp but not too cold, and that stillness that only exists in winter (even in the city) could be found.
-While driving home last night, a potentially homeless pedestrian ambled across the crosswalk in front of me right as my light turned green. An action that could have irked me, yet it gave me pause as this gentleman raised his hand toward me in an act of apology. I was completely humbled by this man who while going through his own difficulties still took the time to make a gesture of kindness....when kindness may have been the furthest thing from either of our minds. (On a side note, I think I've learned more from and had more memorable moments interacting with the homeless in this city over the last 1.5 years than I have with many of the city's other strangers).
-And then when all was said and done, I felt the kindness of my friends and family radiating through emails and texts throughout the day. And I ended the night with a phone call from my own gentle man...that even though he's far away, his peace still lands upon my soul and calms my fears and worries. Lucky and blessed am I.
Today promises to allow me to run some errands and accomplish some reading for class. And then my fellow frugal and simple gal pal will be joining me for a relaxing dinner at home. It should be a good one!
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