Where Have I Been?

Once again my sister has been keeping tabs on me.....;-)

So what has happened to me? I've been making choices-good and bad. I've been busy, I've been still. I've been loud and I've been quiet. But really I've just been trying to get by, stay afloat, look ahead-and I'm not sure that's the best way to live. Believe me, I'm still enjoying the little moments such as walking up to the park at the top of the street overlooking the city and being in awe of the color in the clouds. Or sitting in the highest floor on campus and looking out at the green rooftops and seagulls perched on ledges of buildings-just in reflection. Or taking a motorcycle ride up to a farming island in the middle of the river to watch the recent lunar eclipse.

I've walked around town in awe of this life that I live and wondered how I've gotten here. I've noticed the trees, watched the people, and felt the sun shining down in this period of great weather before the spring rains arrive. I've been pushed in my independence and realized that I can do more than I really believed that I could alone. I've had to swallow my pride. I've had to be honest with myself.

I've moved within my apartment. I wake up now on the top floor in the farthest corner of the building, listening to the birds singing their happy song. I watch the squirrels scurrying about on the patio below, I marvel at the buds on the trees and await when they will blossom, I feel gratitude at being able to see the sky from my windows. I am planning for when I can plant window boxes with green beans, tomatoes, peppers, and the like. I'm feeling comfortable in my space and understanding that God can be so good.

I've had to realize that some of the people that I never expected to be there for me will be there, some that I thought would be there won't be as available, and some that I expected to be there always will be. I've met new people-one of which is just heading into a life of simple living and its been nice to have someone with similar interests around to make me reflect back upon myself. And I've had others that have pointed out the ever presented contradictions that exist within my life.

I've prayed, I've cried, I've laughed, I've danced. I've lived fully...and I'm kind of tired. I've had midterms and have one month more til spring break in which I hope to go rejuvenate on the coast. Feed my soul in only the way that the ocean breeze can do. And I'm hoping that this next term will bring some release and good news as well. At the least, it will bring baseball season along with it. :-)

My thoughts have been sparse this month because I'm not feeling able to explore the topics that I'd really care to divulge in. I'm not feeling like I'm really thinking about the things that resonate strongest with my soul. I'm still living as green a life as I ever was and while it's been authentic, I don't know that it's been simple. But I'm content in the knowledge that it will get back there...it always does. Anything does when you believe in it.

And I hope that all of you are feeling content and full of belief in your own lives. May you enjoy the rest of this gorgeous weekend!

Progress vs. Excess

The concepts of progress and excess have been on my brain now in some shape or form for several weeks-finally coming to some sort of resolution this week.

In my class on Monday we discussed the concept of progress. What is it? Who defines it? And is progress the same for all? If we look at progress based on the stereotype of our nation, then progress equates with technological and economic growth. One student in class argued that "progress" creates choice, although in my opinion the more "progress" we engage in the less ability one has to deny participation. This idea is something that crossed my mind this summer-how difficult it is for one to truly live without participation in our greater society-at least within a high-income country.

And if we are measuring progress by technological and economic growth then what do we call the destruction that this type of "progress" has created. Destruction comes in many forms from environmental, relational, and spiritual losses that have been created throughout the advent of our recent centuries of "growth."

Our class discussion turned to happiness indicators as measures of progress, and several students were shocked to learn that the United States scores so poorly on measures of happiness in comparison to some of the "lower income" countries. (I was shocked that grad students had never heard of this before.) There is a behavioral economist who has done several studies and has demonstrated that our happiness depreciates even more when we are consistently living in comparison to those that surround us. In one study of his, he asked people whether they would like to make more overall money but make less compared to those in their neighborhood, or whether they would like to make a reduced amount of overall income but have more in comparison to their neighbors. Respondents were split in their answers-50% of respondents felt like they needed to have more than those around them. Why do we base our value in comparison to others?

The happiest children I have ever seen in my life were some I observed while on a hike during my exchange to Argentina. These kids were so poor that they were using a crumpled up plastic bag wrapped in tape in order to play catch in the dirt street, yet I have never seen bigger smiles and enthusiasm or heard louder shouts of joy as I did in that moment. I look at children in my own nation, who often have toys, items, and events beyond measure, yet I have never observed anything of that same magnitude in regards to children here.

We have so much and yet we want more, myself included. And then the irony is that we feel it is necessary to raise others in the world to "our standard of living." Although people are just beginning to realize that if everyone lived as we do, we would no longer have a planet on which to live. And I personally don't feel that continued technological growth or going to Mars is the answer.

So what then do I feel is the answer? Relationship. Relationship with ourselves, relationship with others, relationship with the Earth, and relationship in the spiritual form.

As a Christian, when I am living truly by the Word, then I recognize the passages telling me that my treasure is not stored here on Earth in monetary or consumptive values but rather beyond in Heaven. I recognize that the greatest thing I can do here on this planet is to protect the Earth that was given to us and to give of myself to others. To create change where change can be created and to live as simply as possible in order to allow "others to simply live." To love and have empathy for humanity and our world.

For Christians and non-Christians alike however, I feel that when we are truly listening to the yearning of our souls we make the right choices in regards to others, in regards to the planet, and because of all that in regards to ourselves. Yet how often do we really stop and listen? How often do we seek fulfillment beyond our usual patterns? And how often do we seek a new type of progress-instead of living a life of excess?

Just some thoughts in an otherwise ordinary month.....;-) Enjoy the day....

Gratitude

Ali over at Our Patch recently created a list of 100 things she is grateful for-something that is of utmost importance as positive thinking really does create positive surroundings. While last week landed me at a stressful high, somehow on the downward slope of that stress things have gotten easier. I don't know if it's because I finally remembered that I can only do or control so much, but taking that evening for myself and remembering to rely beyond myself really made a difference (and has continued to make a diference throughout this week as well).

So here are just some of the things I am grateful for:
-Relief from thoughts
-Answers to prayers
-The gentle feel of early spring in the air
-The sweet tweet of the birds I hear as I walk
-Piles of blankets on my bed
-Coffee w/ a new friend yesterday
-Soymilk that doesn't coagulate in my coffee
-The happiness I see on my nephews' faces
-The verbal discourses with my brother
-The strength and vitality of my sister
-The unconditional love of my father
-Observations of friends who demonstrate passion for life
-Singing and dancing in the car
-My relationship with my granny
-All the sensations of the beach
-Slight drizzles
-Growing herbs on my table
-Sweaters and jeans
-Moving past challenges
-Learning in all its various forms
-Re-reading a good book
-Conversations with my cousins
-Being able to support individuals in my life
-The ability to feel
-Freedom, no matter how I might complain about my country I am grateful for the freedoms I do have here
-Change on the horizon
-Natural fuzzy slippers
-Fresh fruits and veggies
-Opening of a new, hopefully quieter apartment
-Hot water for showers
-Student loans to fund my education
-Clothes washers
-Washing dishes by hand
-Pictures of good times
-Moments of celebration no matter how small
-The beach house
-Window benches made with love
-Budgeting and savings
-Giving to others
-The act of knitting
-Having people to listen
-Good Health
-Actually having health insurance again
-Having something to believe in
-Feelings of contribution
-Optimism
-Leap years
-Snail mail
-Breathing
-The memory of poppa and what he stood for
-Dreams for the future
-Achieving goals
-The gift of love
-Reconnecting with old friends
-Seagulls in the downtown park
-The coming of baseball season
-Opening of doors
-Walking
-Languages
-Learning about new cultures
-Art forms
-Mending clothes
-the gift of TIME

AND SO MUCH MORE.....

Back to Short

Yesterday I took the plunge. Over the last several months I had grown attached to my long hair, although my original intention in growing it out was so it could be donated. So after weeks of hemming and hawing, I finally took the plunge and chopped off 12 inches of it for donation.

The hair will be going to Pantene's Beautiful Lengths program, which makes wigs for women battling through cancer treatments. I decided to donate to Pantene's program for a couple of different reasons. One being that they are slightly less stringent and second being that they seem to use more of the hair that is sent to them. Several months ago I read an article in the New York Times that reported on hair donation and that Locks of Love only uses a very small percentage of hair that is donated to them. Locks of Love doesn't have the resources necessary to utilize it all, thus I am hoping that Pantene will actually put my hair to use!

In the process of looking on line for a place to get my hair cut I also ran across this interesting article from the Portland Tribune that discusses a program based out of San Francisco that turns the cuttings from hair into mats that suck up oil spills. These mats can be reused, the oil can be collected and be reused as well, and the mats can be broken down organically. In the recent oil spill outside of SF Bay many of these mats were used in the process. The program is called Matter of Trust and collects hair from over 300,000 salons and barbershops.

Who knew hair could be such a sustainable product?!

5 Things

I feel that my posts have been rather personal lately instead of educational and maybe motivational....however in the spirit of focusing on the good in life and in remembering my many blessings I am going to follow Morning Ramble's post on 5 Good Things. She is always so full of insights and is able to share so freely. Focusing on the positives in life definitely helps us create awareness of all of the good things that we do have. What are your five good things?

5 Things that make me smile...
the sun peaking out on a cloudy day
the beach
a certain free spirited individual in my life who never fails to remain true to himself
the antics and expressions of all my nephews
animal ads, especially if they are dancing
5 Things I love the taste of...
water after i've been really parched
fresh mangoes
a well-made peppermint soy latte
vegan pizza
the way granny makes fried zuchinni
5 Things I love the sight of. . .
birds but specifically seagulls
the waves at the beach at any time of day or year
my friends, scrabble board, and beer all at the same table
tulips
my father
i can't resist one more-the Oregon farm countryside
5 Things I love the feel of. . .
the memory of the rough papery texture of the top of poppa's hand
jersey knit sheets when there is a chill in the air
the complete sensation of arriving at the beach-sand between the toes, the waves dancing along my ankles, the breeze in the air, if we're lucky the sun shining down
sweaters in chilly times, swishy skirts in warm times
the shower
5 Things I love the smell of . . .
gardenias
Old Spice
Polo Sport cologne
that first rain of the season
summertime
5 things I love the sound of . . .
the rain
waves
children's laughter
a good dry joke
and the silence of the woods

Delivered Messages

It never fails to amaze me how perfectly timed certain messages seem to arrive, and I'm constantly aware of truly how blessed I am. Even in the moments when I'm most stressed, frustrated, or confused, I am guiltily aware of this fact. Taking time last evening just for me did a world of good, and I must admit that I've continued to do so this evening. Sometimes we just need time to THINK and to RELISH in being alive. I think the majority of stress comes when we get so taken up in the annoying things that "have" to be done that we don't appreciate the multiple little things in our lives.

I woke up to a wonderfully reflective email from my sister in my inbox giving me even more advice and insights. I made pancakes and drank coffee-the first time I've really actually cooked breakfast for myself in months (well beyond microwaveable oatmeal-we've always been a milk and cereal sort of family). I listened to lyrics from music, made a CD, and took care of a few things that needed to be done just because. I read a remarkable blog posting from Walk Slowly Live Wildly that was the perfect message reminding me and hitting exactly on part of my frustration with losing sight of where I have come from and want to go toward. I prepped for my group presentation tonight and I walked to campus with a smile on my face.

And then after class I walked home in the evening rain...and enjoyed it. The soft drops upon my face and head, watching them splunk into the puddles and splatter off my cute shoes. I felt the slight chill in the air and was thankful for my coat, hat, and gloves. I walked quickly up the big hill and was thankful for the strength of my legs and the oxygen pumping through my body. I felt the weight of my text books in my bag and felt grateful for my brain.

I thought of the day that I have available tomorrow, to work on my paper and to dedicate to coursework, and then toward the celebration for my cousin's birthday. And I feel thankful for my family, for my friendships, and for life. I feel thankful for the messages through emails and blogs, through my own body and mind, through novels, through nature, through the presence of God-all telling me to take time and to trust in tomorrow.