The Age Post

So I'm finally going to cash in on the long awaited age post--thanks for the reminder Heather!

Hub and I just returned from a trip down to our home town---that was equal parts comforting and restoring. However the time BEFORE that a few weeks ago, definitely had me thinking about age--as in recognizing that we (my friends and I) aren't exactly the spring chicks that we used to be (not that most of us were ever the type to really think that anyway.....). Last time I drove home was a solo trip and as I drove into town I stopped for gas and a quick bite to eat from Taco Bell (do as I say, not as I do health students....). My first reminder of the fact that I've actually "made it" into a different age category in life occurred when I stopped for gas and asked the 20yo attendant how he was that particular night. He responded with a smile that he was" young and broke"....and I had to pause for a second, evaluate my life, and then respond with "yes, I remember those days...." The second stop through the drive through also made me pause when I realized just how incredibly young 15-16 years old looks these days, as I drove through the drive thru window.

This particular trip home I met one of my high school best friends for breakfast and we chatted about all things: life, love, work....and the pursuit of all of the above. One thing we also tend to chat about these days is age....as in the fact that we now actually are given respect in our jobs and younger students seem to grant more authoritative power with age. We no longer necessarily have to prove ourselves in our jobs, as we've finally reached an age where people seem to expect that we do actually know what we are doing. This trip also took me back to my old high school for a local fundraising event where I again re-gained perspective on what 16 actually looks like and saw many of my former students already legally able to drink. Trips home can almost always put age into perspective.

My gal and I have also talked about the addition of a few wrinkles and some extra pounds..of which I now have a few more implications of age under my eyes. But in reality, while many of my friends are bemoaning turning 30---this year I'm feeling much more welcoming of this particular birthday. 25 was incredibly difficult for me, but 30 I am attempting to embrace.....and these are some of the reasons why:

While not everything in life is perfect and I still have moments of 16yo insecurity, I am actually quite happy with many aspects of my life as I head into 30. I can run farther and swim longer continuously as I head into 30 than I could at 18. I've come to realize that my body has never been capable of a truly flat stomach, but I can embrace where it is at and for the most part feel comfortable in a two piece. I'm proud of maintaining and improving upon my physical health as my age has increased rather than allowing the reverse to occur. As I head into 30, I'm more comfortable in my role in my family. I've provided how I could and recognize the importance of my family connections, while also finally recognizing that my family doesn't have to define or 100% truly accept me. As I head into 30, I'm thankful for my chosen career path and the occupations that have allowed me to get to where I am. My resume and education is solid enough that I feel comfortable in my chosen areas.....and I'm incredibly fulfilled in my chosen field. I feel fortunate to have studied and received degrees in areas that are practical and yet also passions of mine. At 30, I see the connections I've maintained throughout my life and new connections developing all the time, and I feel so fortunate for my friends, colleagues, and aquaintances who continue to be ever present in my life. As I head into 30, I also continue to recognize that while I don't give Him enough credit....so much credit is truly due to the one who has guided my life through all of my good and bad choices....allowing me to arrive (mainly) settled where I am...and yet knowing He will continue to provide in the moments and years ahead.

So when there's so much good about 30......how can one bemoan the passing of another decade? Especially as I'm in a stage where I'm ready to embrace that which the 30s can offer. So while I still have months before the official transfer occurs....cheers to the next decade ahead! May it offer each of us more moments of beautiful, more opportunities to give, more moments of complete forgiveness, and plenty of fulfillment. :)

Tonight....

Tonight I'm at my parent's house and will be for the weekend. Dad's carrying my brother via FaceTime to check on my furry ladies that are peeking in the back door. The dogs have seemingly befriended the new neighbor dogs and tackled each other multiple times across mom and dad's backyard. For all the moments when I'd feared that my non-dog parents would begrudge my animals, they secretly love to see our furry girls frolicking through their grass and eagerly licking their windows. At night the girls always sleep curled up on their beds that have been thrown in the back of dad's old truck in the garage.

Tonight hub and I showed up in our hometown about 5:30pm. We dropped off our bags and drove to our old high school, where hub took off with a friend to help set up an event and I swam oh-so-absolutely-amazing-many laps in my old high school pool. It was the first time I'd dived in between my old lane lines since our return and it was wonderful to feel my arms slicing and carrying me through the clear water. I embraced the comfort of things being exactly as they were 12 years ago--pull buoys and kick boards are still found in the same bins, and I spent a few moments re-connecting with the lifeguard on duty who had been one of my students back when I was a local sub.

Tonight I was reminded of how much of a natural provider my father is and how fortunate I am for his continual guidance and quiet example in my life. I relished sitting down at the table to a meal produced by dad and enjoyed actual conversation over food with both my parents. I purposefully embedded into my mind the moments of standing quietly by my father's side, being handed dripping clean dishes for me to wipe and dry, all while looking out of the back windows of the house together. I've spent this evening, butt settled into the couch half-ass watching the Mariners vs As game, with Dad pointing out the important points of the game---just like many evenings we spent together in years prior.

Tonight I've enjoyed watching Squeaks, mom and dad's lil cat, who has spent the evening bemoaning changes in her surroundings. ;) I'm relishing her quite nap two cushions over from me, her head twisted into itself.

Tonight I'm looking forward to tucking myself into the guest twin beds in the back corner bedroom and losing myself into deep moments of sleep. I'm eager for morning coffee with one of my best friends, and hopeful for an afternoon beach trip with the dogs and a soul-kid sister and her beautiful babies for a check-in. Tonight I'm ready to settle into the Sunday pews of my youth and remember the hope and promise of a Savior that I so frequently overlook.

Tonight I'm somewhere between frustrated and fortunate......and really just thankful to again be wrapped up in the graces and comforts of the home of my youth. 

Spring Break Wrap-Up

Spring break was a truly wonderful break from both of my jobs. I did get roped into a few moments of event planning chaos mid-week and I had to finish prepping for next term, but I did less work overall than I've done since last summer....and it felt fabulous while also leaving me more than ready for June. The break also could not have arrived soon enough and the day before spring break was one of the most difficult I've had on the job. Thus I'm hopeful I can  bulk it up enough to power through the next 2.5 months.

This last week was equally full of chaos, downpours, and sadness intermingled with smiles, fun, and unexpected moments of sun. Sometimes all we need is a bit of a stay-cation including:

---Happy hour on four different occasions. Finally met up with a coworker I've been trying to get together with and it was loads of fun getting to know her better. Met up with a friend from my teaching program I hadn't seen in a year and it was lovely getting to catch up on the good & the bad while offering each other support. Had a great afternoon chat session over beers with my cousin. Got to catch-up & connect with one of my greatest supporters over dinner & drinks this last Friday.
---Major caught his 5th bird in a week & a half. Hub bought him a collar with a bell on it. The dogs like to chase said bell. Much amusement ensues.
---Several hours of long conversations and tears attempting to clear the air. Resolutions and suggestions made. Some slight actions being taken. Waiting game ensues.
---A friend provided me with her cast-off Insanity DVD work-out program. Read: 60 days of craziness. The fit test almost made me vomit---the rest is kicking my booty. We'll see if I can keep with this one but I am LOVING it.
---Interesting but fun long evening out with a great group of guys including hub, hub's friend, housemate, and one of my vet friends.
---Many long sleeps and a blissful evening nap.
---Hub installed a exhaust fan in our bathroom and replaced the one in the guest bathroom.....and was reminded that projects are never as simple as they appear. I enjoyed watching him wear Carharts, assisted in holding items in place and/or advising on lights, rode along to Home Depot and enjoyed drooling over plants, and scared the bejesus out of both of us by kicking his toolbox in the middle of the night.
---I went to church.....and the message was exactly what I needed to hear.
---We cooked, we cleaned, we paid bills.....and hub took Anna for a much needed beauty treatment. Hopefully our carpets will have less shedding on them and she looks ravishing!
---We finally had donations picked up by the gospel mission.
---We enjoyed the phenomenal day trip up north with hub's bud and were reminded of the need to do it again.
---Somehow (maybe a new persuasive friend, maybe too many martinis) I was talked into a potential double date of one of my worst fears: sky diving for hub and coworker's boyfriends birthdays in May.
---I had afternoon tea and conversation with our land lord.
---I followed suit of hub's cousin and re-cut bangs. Not sure how long they'll be staying but it's nice to have something different.
---Finally went in for a doctor's appointment to check on a few things that have been more off for the last month. No real results were discovered, but I guess it's better to hear the doctor say that things are more normal than they might feel!
---I played mad rounds of Words with Friends on the Iphone.
---My brother and mother came up for an afternoon where much support and conversation ensued....and ended with dinner at one of our favorite local haunts.
---There's a somewhat broody chicken out back. She'll leave the kennel long enough to range a bit here or there but then she's hunkered back down in her spot.
---There was an evening of DQ blizzards and movie rentals curled up on the couch.
---Plenty of text chats sharing life and seeking advice from many friends.
---Airport duty transporting coworker to and fro for his conference. Since housemate #2 was also gone this weekend, hub and I had the first weekend alone together in the house in over a month.

And somehow the week went by so fast and with a few things left undone, but here we are almost back to Monday and it all beginning again! Hope you all had a restful last week.

Day Trippin' Brightens the Week

Spring break has been a whirl wind of both relaxation and social activity, but yesterday we (hub, hub's friend, and I) took a day trip up to Seattle....

We took the ferry...

After checking out Pike's Place Market of course (and being treated to an amazing lunch).

We stopped to see the decommissioned Navy ships at Bremerton, including the ship hub's friend served on.

And then, we decided to head further north and trekked up to Port Townshend.

Where we saw old Army & Coast Guard buildings.

Gorgeous old victorian homes.

Amazing history.

Marinas.

We may have also played in a park, been mesmerized by the happy animals wandering around town, and grabbed a brew with hub's friend's friend at a perfect lil bar.

And it may have been good for some other reasons too......

Sometimes there's nothing better than a fun, random trip to somewhere new. Much needed for each of us!

Last March Work Week Wear

Folks, next week is spring break and I'm going to do my utmost best to stay away from work....and that includes scheduling, emails, and the like. An entire week just to.....read, drink, enjoy, hike, breath, and just plain be.

So what did I wear this last week? Well here ya go:

MONDAY: Presentation & Office

A) Going in for a presentation on my normal day off, led to 3 hours in the office. B) This dress really is not my favorite, as it shows every bulge & bump except for when I'm in better shape, ie it's always worn with tights to hold it all in!

(dress: clearance Ross (3yo); boots: Penneys (this winter); belt (from other dress); cami & tights: Target staples)

TUESDAY: Office & Meeting

This outfit apparently made me appear as if I had a sign on me asking to be hit on. This color combo was a new twist but I enjoyed it. I always feel bad that this dress came out of Walmart from our Louisiana days...but I always get tons of questions/compliments on it.

Work today included being in the office most the day and running into some frustrating details with employees. Then I traveled to a different campus for a meeting. No class since it was finals week, but I spent the evening taking care of some teaching stuff.

(dress: Walmart (2yo); gray suede boots: outlets (this winter); accessories: Freddies (new necklace, 5yo tights); gray cardi: Target (recent))

WEDNESDAY: Office, Event Mtg downtown, & Teaching

You also should be realizing by now that when I get something new, I wear it ALL the time. Almost as if I think I need to diminish it's CPU as soon as I get it. :) (Which is probably also why hub hates that I wear cardigans so much!)

Today was a mixed bag at work. Office in the morning, followed by a meeting downtown with our event planning team to allocate payment coverage, and then back to the house to work on some stuff before heading off to proctor the first final exam. Hub and I grabbed lunch together downtown which was out of our norm but a very nice surprise. And then my students surprised me with flowers and a card signed by all of them---with how emotional I've been, it almost brought me to tears---it's truly the little things that matter. 

(brown tweed pants: Macys (fall); same recent gray cardi & white cami: Target; blue lightweight knit: Banana Republic outlet (1yo); same gray suede boots: outlets (winter))

THURSDAY: (SNOW): Office, Mtg, & Teaching

And so not office appropriate BUT there was another freak snow fall so thick socks and boots it was....which means jeans or a skirt/dress.....and this knit was warm with tights. Plus it gave me another wear of this new dress that I bought recently back home.

Remember the children's book....No Good Very Bad Day? Yep that about sums it up here. The morning started out with a big blow up in the office and I had to harp on another guy in the center. It was a day where I hated being a female in a male dominated culture. 90% of the time they appreciate it, 10% of the time it's a struggle. Yesterday was a struggle. I also realized I hadn't finished grading my students papers to hand back during their final exam, so I felt like a horrible teacher. I then spent four hours last night grading, calculating grades, and emailing every student their scores. Somewhere yesterday I ran out of much time to eat, so by the time 11pm rolled around last evening while I was waiting for hub to get home, I realized there was a major reason my stomach was grumbling. No Good Very Bad Day. I really just needed a big hug.

(dress: Ross (recent); boots: Target (2yo); long sweater: Old Navy (2yo); tights/socks: Freddies; black cami & brown belt: Target)

This morning hub and I scarfed down much food to compensate for missing nutrients yesterday. (Yea for backyard eggs & blueberry waffles!) And then I finished grading my class and inputted the info into the online system. My new online class is set. I sent two emails to both my bosses. Now all I have left for the new term is just to create new syllabi and online folders for students to access resources. Sigh...I am oh so ready on oh so many levels for happy hour this afternoon and va-ca-tion this next week......Now if I can just get my personal life to smooth into place..... :)

Hope y'all had a good week!

Life: Both a Cluster...and Yet Beautiful

Sometimes parts of life....are hard. Sometimes you realize yet again that things are missing. Sometimes you realize (again) that the promises you meant to keep....might not actually be kept. Sometimes areas of life seem painfully sad....and less than hopeful. And sometimes stubbornness continues to reign its head. Sometimes one needs to actually take the time to stop and think and listen and realize that what everyone else is saying....does have truth. And sometimes it's hard to think about potentially shutting a door, even when one knows that door has already been half shut. Sometimes one gets tired of thinking and talking and answering questions about the same old, same old, no change game. And sometimes you just need a break. And sometimes one needs to realize that asking someone to change who they are in their core is probably a no-win outcome. Sometimes you don't know which is worse.....being kept in a corner or being independently solo...again.

And yet sometimes, there's nothing as gratifying as a few moments of walking in a back yard. Of seeing green shoots and watching thick ladies sit on eggs. Of scratching, shedding dogs or snoozing, comfortable cats. Sometimes there's nothing as satisfying as a cup of tea in one's favorite flowered mug or the smell of work coffee wafting from a cup. Sometimes there's nothing like throwing one's self into work---finalizing projects and discussing pertinent issues with those who make academic decisions. Sometimes you recognize that the benefits you bring to those you work with, also want to be bestowed back upon you. And sometimes there's patience to be gleaned from waiting on PR phone calls from New York and working with community partners. Sometimes waiting for hours for maintenance issues to be completed is just the forced reprieve one needs. Sometimes the biggest smiles come from catching dogs snout deep in chicken feed or from multiple viewings of tickled penguins. Sometimes even though you realize it could potentially just be a lost cause, you relish every kiss, every touch, every look...as they're finally brought back into rotation. And sometimes you continue to wait with guarded heart and limited hope, because what you've hoped beyond hope for days and months and years seems to be considered unreasonable and unmet.

But in every gray cloud there continues to be elements of silver linings and who knows that better than those of us who live here in Oregon? And behind every winter always arrives spring..followed but the bounty and beauty of summer.