Just Call Me Negative Nancy (But w/ a Little Bit of Last Minute Hope Too)

So prepare for a word vomit as an old friend from high school would say:

Hub and I are sitting here watching the Green Zone, which is a fictional movie depicting the issue of the lack of weapons of mass destruction during the invasion to Iraq....and I have to say the movie has gotten me all fired up. Something about being reminded of the lack of intel and what may have been dubious reasons to invade Iraq. Something about the loss of so many soldiers and countless other lives just rubs me raw tonight. SO even though I just posted saying I wasn't going to say too much about my thoughts in this direction: I'm just going to say it...I whole-heartedly embrace our military personnel but I don't always embrace all the reasons why and locations where they are putting their lives on the line. And when I look into the face of soldiers every day, sometimes it gets to be a little too close to home.

Beyond that....these types of movies break my heart just in regards to all the different human rights violations that exist throughout the world. (Ie remember how I got started on all this anyway.....Blood Diamond.....)

So without holding back, I'm going to share a few more doomdayish thoughts running around in my head tonight--mainly in the form of two confessions:

Confession #1: Moving to Louisiana has made me realize just how sheltered and naive I have been about some things during my life. Moving to Louisiana also makes me realize how far the environmental and public health movements need to go for any massive change to be visible.....and I'm not so sure that it's going to be possible anytime soon (aka in the next couple hundred years) to turn the tides. Chemicals are too infiltrated into our bodies and our ecosystems. Land, water, climate, and biodiversity devastation has made it too far. But I truthfully believe in the reality, which is my father's final argument, that in one way or another the Earth will be the last thing standing and in time it will heal itself.

Living in Oregon I was surrounded by easy recycling, appreciation for the outdoors (even if not everyone actually took care of them), and individuals who were for the most part politically inclined citizens. Moving to Louisiana, I've learned that styrofoam actually does exist and gets used many times over daily, there are places in this nation where no garabage pickup happens so people burn it all, and even though there are laws mandating children attend school they aren't enforced and education does not always appear to be a top priority. Now, I realize I'm passing judgment. There are tons of things that Louisiana does have that Oregon does not, but one thing I will always appreciate about Louisiana is that its given me a sustainability comparion based on what many other areas of the nation can be like.....and it's let me see just how far people need to change in order for large-scale environmental and public health devastation to be prevented. It's also let me know that just passing regulation isn't going to fix the problems either as there seem to be plenty of regulations already in place that don't get followed. For example (again I don't mean to pick on the state) Louisiana has an anti-littering regulation yet the hub and I heard an annoucement on the radio a few months back that the state pays 4 million dollars annually just for litter pick-up from its public lands (you can find trash along almost every shore and land within the state).

Confession #2: I will also admit that being here in a less "green" state of mind, even with how much I care and know, I have slacked in many of my choices. We rarely use our tote bags anymore, there's regular shampoo alongside our hippy shampoo in our shower, almost all our produce is far from organic, our house is full of new furniture that's busy off-gassing all sorts of chemicals into our air, and the AC is always on at some level. I know we're huge steps ahead of many of our neighbors and friends here, but I still feel myself faltering more and focusing less the longer we're here.

But I guess in some way, even with all the falling down and doomsdayish thoughts....I still haven't given up hope. I don't know that individual choices are the right answer and I don't know that large regulation is the right answer. And I don't even know that I believe that the two together will be enough. While its hard to envision SO much change being accomplished, if I don't look forward then I don't know what other direction to look nor head in. So I must keep trudging ahead, trying to care enough to make a difference, but maybe not care too much to constantly let the big picture get me down. Because if I focus on the big picture sometimes......it does get me down. But here I go, plodding one foot in front of the other..sending emails to my reps, recycling what I can..and maybe, just maybe focusing on the values of my faith. While us Presbyterians are sort of an old crowd, I staunchly belive in the values of social justice, love, and stewardship which are key to our interpretation of the Christian faith. So rather than be a check-book sort of believer, then I just need to remember that my daily demonstrations of values are in fact a daily demonstration of my faith. Do what I CAN do to help others and the planet, and leave the rest up into the hands of someone greater than me......