Friendships

Throughout my life it's taken me forever to make good friends. This probably has to do with the fact that I'm very particular with the type of people I like to invest time in as I tend to be the type of person who likes lifetime friendships rather than short-term buddies. I'd much prefer to spend my days alone than hang out with people who offend me/who I offend or who I have trouble relating to/conversing with/having much in common. It could also be due to my shyness as a kid with my peers and a lack of self confidence at numerous points in my life. Ironically, I used to be really good at small talk and could chat up just about anyone in a customer service manner. However those skills pretty much go out the window when I'm meeting someone who could potentially be a friend. I also will be the first to admit that I have a tendency to be judgmental--chalk it up to participant observer training--but I'll also admit that sometimes those inital assumptions are invalid. Some of my favorite friends have been people that I wanted to write off within the first few outings and several of my closest pals are some that I never would have imagined continuing our relationship.

So where is this post stemming from?....Well any life transition leads me to re-evaluate my friendships, so for the last few years I've been doing a lot of thinking about them--what it means to be a friend, what is important to me in a friendship, and wondering when its best to let go of a friendship and move on. It's been hard for me to meet like-minded people here on this military post, but many other outlets have made the time here fulfilling in other ways and I still feel the love and support from many of my favorites back home (both friends & family). Maybe I've become a country cliche, but I'm pretty sure that my dogs have become my new best friends.  My husband has the ability to be a great companion, but I'm pretty sure I'm always going to be one of those women who needs another woman as her confidant. (Not that I'm always great at maintaining the communication and consistency.)

Breaking all my research rules, I looked up what wikipedia had to say about friendships. The gist being that the intensity and number of friendships has decreased for individuals over the last decades, that friendships have positive health gains, and that the following factors tend to increase VALUE in friendships:
--the tendency to desire what is best for the other
--sympathy and empathy
--honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth, especially in terms of pointing out the perceived faults of one's counterpart
--mutual understanding
--mutual compassion

Not bad, wikipedia, not bad---definitely things that I look for in my friendships and as each of those items can take a lot of work, it's no wonder I don't take investing in a friendship very lightly! I had already been contemplating this post earlier today and I happened to finish the book The Friday Night Knitting Club this evening. The story is an interesting journey of a handful of women who happen to come together--a very unlikely crew but still able to bond, to support, and to demonstrate compassion for their individual journeys. Not unlike my best gal pals from my senior year of high school and also not unlike my favorite gals from my public health program either. In both cases, a handful of very different women bonded together over a mutual environment and objective. And in both cases, each individual brought her own beauty, personality, and insight to the collective.

I feel so blessed to have been a part of such amazing relationships (among others!) and I've been interested over the years to see how many relationships have the ability to ebb and flow. I've never been one to be very good at letting go of certain friendships, but slowly and surely over the years I've come to understand that sometimes you have to just let it be and eventually it can come back when you least expect it but most need it. There are still friendships that I need to learn to let go, others I should take the time to relish the memories, and still others that I need to do a better job at maintaining. And maybe, just maybe there is something true to the old Season, Reason, and Lifetime prose:

SEASON, REASON AND LIFETIME
People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, It is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, It is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (any way); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
--Author Unknown

So whether you are a lifetime, season, or reason friend, I thank you for your participation and I cherish the moments, the thoughts, and hopefully the laughs that we have shared. May we all have loved friends, near and far, who continue to bring joy, humor, and grace to our lives!