Gifts and Such

When I first started out on the simplicity journey, I spent two Christmas mornings in tears due to the fact that my family had provided gifts for me under our Christmas tree.  It seemed unfair and un-necessary that people bought me items at a pre-determined time of year (and generally stuff that I didn't need nor usually want) rather than provide items for people that truly could use them.  I've always felt more comfortable with the idea of providing items for people when they need them or when the time is right, rather than purchasing gifts for birthdays and other holidays.  And this is something I still struggle with when it comes to buying for my siblings children.  I've come to recognize and appreciate that my family just wants to provide and they've done a pretty good job of gifting things that are actually warranted w/in the last year or two.  (Although its been interesting watching my husband attempt to accept this too, as he's not a huge fan of celebrating his birthday or accepting gifts for other reasons....and my family is HUGE into the celebration of life...)

However this attitude toward gift giving is one thing that I really appreciate about my husband.  When it comes to "holidays" or celebrations neither one of us feels inclined to have to purchase something for the other person.  In fact, I'm pretty sure we've never bought anything for the other person for a pre-determined holiday.  Last year for his birthday, it just happened that he was given a four day weekend finally and my work/school schedule was flexible enough that I could fly out for a visit (the first time we'd seen each other in 2 months).  The month after my birthday, my favorite band happened to reunite and we attended their local concert, but he would have bought us tickets to that regardless.  We didn't buy each other anything for Christmas, but we did happen to pick out Roxi around that time..again something that happened due to timing rather than the season (our housing company started requiring pet deposits at the 1st of the year and we wanted a companion for Anna w/ both of us working).

Throughout the rest of the year we never really feel the need to make purchases following the Hallmark calendar either, which has been an interesting comparison to many of the other couples that surround us.  Several of our friends feel the need to buy big gifts for each holiday, whereas my husband and I prefer to listen to what the other wants and needs and attempt to purchase what is plausible based on funding & timing considerations.  I can think of a couple of different items that he surprised me with before I moved down here: the webcam that arrived on my doorstep and allowed us to see each other for the rest of the 4 months that we were apart, the new cellphone he got me when we became eligible and mine was so damaged that I seriously held it together to make calls, the potted Easter lilies that arrived and thrived for many months.  Yesterday I finally drank the peppermint flavored hot chocolate (my favorite!) that he'd discovered at the grocery store in December, we finally got him a new cell phone now that he was eligible and after he's been using an old one of my SIL's that functions but had issues, and we've both been enjoying the recent crock pot and breadmaker that we picked up for each other (thanks to the gift card from my sister and free gift cards from Sears!).  Small things, big things---but things we think of and are tailored to the other person.

However, I will say that thanks to our friends, my husband did recently get one gift that he's been desiring since we moved into our own place.  Most men want a grill, but sometimes they're rather specific about the grill that they want.  It just so happened that the wife down the road purchased a grill for her husband for Valentine's Day....it happened to be gas when her husband prefers charcoal.  My husband and I were in the store where she found it and mine began to remark on what a good price for the product that the grills actually were.  Since it was a good deal, since we could finally afford it, since the husband has been waiting for months, and since it would be helping out our friends down the road...we purchased the charcoal (same price) and swapped it with them for the gas she had already bought.  While my husband probably would have preferred charcoal himself, we decided on gas since it'd be much easier for me to use if he's gone for any long periods of time.  And if this summer is anything like last...these grills will get used at least 50% of the evenings during any given week.

I rather prefer our life this way.  Taking care of the other's desire by considering numerous factors rather than by the flip of the calendar pages.  While in the long run, we probably still are spending a chunk of change on each other, its nice to know we're spending moments together and purchasing (for the most part) useful items toward our life together.  I'm definitely glad I found a companion who has a similar stance on at least this issue---life's too short and debt gets too high to fret over what we "have" to get each other next!!