Reality Check-In

First thing every morning at work we have a check-in with the kids. This includes all of us sitting in a circle and sharing about how each of us is feeling every day. The kids don't always have a full answer and as staff, we try to limit yet model our answers. So here is my non-sugar coated answer: I am stressed.......

Stress is sort of an over-whelming emotion for me to feel as the majority of my life since embracing this life of simplicity has been relatively stress free. I've had my moments but nothing in comparison to the moments that I used to live. So one might ask...why am I currently stressed?

Well my job is fairly intense...from 8am until whenever I get to go home I am processing, processing, processing, which leaves me most unwilling to process about my personal needs and life upon dismissal from my job. Since I have been working longer days-that means that at times I am going non-stop for 8 to 9 hours meeting the needs of others. That would wear anyone out. But a strange realization happened today as I got to come home after only 6 hours...that is that I didn't quite know what to do with myself. I had become so used to over-working myself again and then spending the weekends catching up on my needs and the evenings being so exhausted that I just crashed, that I almost forgot how to relish and enjoy the simple moments. Thus I have spent this afternoon just thinking...really....for myself.

However that thinking led me to ponder all the things that I have been putting off doing until the completion of this summer job. And as I am just in the beginning stages now of a life transition (that of moving back north to start my newest grad program), I am feeling anxiety of how to bring my simple life into alignment with that of my life of a student and that of the life that others have known me by in the past. Hence my thoughts and my emotions are flying....(which ironically is how I described myself w/o all these additional details at check-in this morning...)

I feel saddened by leaving my job: the kids and the staff. I feel saddened by leaving behind the absolute comfort and contentness I feel toward being here how I am in this place and in this time. I feel nervous about starting a new program, about being again in the stress and rush of the city, however I too am excited about the knowledge and opportunities that will be gained through my courses. I am apprehensive about remaining simple and relaxed amongst commotion and the current uncertainities that I am facing.....

But this afternoon, I HAVE slowed down by doing those little things that I enjoy. I've created plans for wrapping up my last days at work, I scrubbed the bathroom sink and kitchen counters (when my surroundings are more ordered I can't help but feel the same), I made spaghetti sauce completely from scratch, I relished my glass of wine, I engaged in conversation with my father, and to compensate for any "greenness" I have slacked on as of late-I took a super short shower. :-) I know that the simple life is what I want, so now it's just remembering to give the control away from myself and embracing the blessings of what I have while looking forward to those that lay ahead....