While I've hinted at this numerous other times, tonight I'm just coming out and saying it: Talking ON the phone has been an awkward and difficult event for me throughout the last ten years. Now hear this: I'm attempting a goal to work on this hate relationship.
Ironically, back in the days of ol' high school, the phone was forever attached to my ear. I'd yak at whatever long term boyfriend I had at the time for hours on end and then I might yak at a gal pal or two to discuss just what was said between the boyfriend and me. Oh the days.....and what a waste of time and youthful energy!
I'm pretty sure it comes down to two things that established my hate relationship with the phone. 1) Pay usage. 2) The rise of the internet. And okay, I lied...there's a third, the rise of the unlimited text message....but this came much later.
My first experience with real pay usage occurred during a year spent studying abroad in Argentina. It cost per minute for me to make local calls and it was an arm & leg on both ends for me to talk to my family at home in the United States. Since I didn't want to pay to use the phone, I instead relied on the internet and rise of email (two thumbs up to internet cafes!) to keep in touch with family and friends back in the States. In all truth, I talked to my parents three times on the phone that year and I made one other call to a good buddy of mine as well.
My use of the internet as my main means of connection continued when I was in college, as that's how I continued to check in with family and friends. My freshman college roommate talked to her mom daily on the phone, but I still just checked in with Dad via email for the most part. By this point, I had my first cell phone, but even when I had a long-distance college boyfriend I was incredibly vigilant of how many minutes I had available and how many had been used. And I also remember late night conversations staying on the phone even though I really didn't want to---somehow my year abroad had erased any desire to "waste time" chatting. The beauty of the internet is that you can say what you need to say (and sometimes what you can't say in person or via the phone) and allow the person to respond when it's convenient for them.
So I suppose I should also call this my ode to two people: my gal Nancy (who is also an avid blog reader but just never comments!) and Granny, as they've put up with my phone awkwardness and left me with the reality that a phone call can be a positive relationship builder. I should also give a shout-out to hub at this point in my confessional as well, although hopefully this will be one post he overlooks in his reading. ;) Anyone that knows hub and I knows that the first 6 months of our relationship/marriage we were constantly attached to our phones as we weren't located in the same state. You generally could find us either engaging in non-stop texting (hence my introduction to the need for unlimited texting and here I offer a big shout out of apology to my dearest friends who put up with this at the time....) and/or a nightly phone call when hub wasn't working. Hub always liked to check in before we went to sleep and even though talking on the phone wasn't always my favorite, I went along with it to keep our communication and connection going. (Although much in his favor, he did also introduce me to the webcam which I liked much better than the phone, but now always find awkward to use with most other people.....)
But anyway...back to my gal and granny. During my 1.5-2 years in Louisiana, my gal and granny were my most regular phone communicators back home and whether any of us realized it at the time, the consistent communication that I had with both of them got me through some pretty hard and lonely moments. Now I'm not going to say that it was always easy for them to get me on the phone, but what I will say is that more than anyone else they both made sure that phone communication happened. My gal always checked in via text to see when I might be available but the monthly-to-every-six-weeks phone conversation forced me to talk about my reality honestly while also brought me back into the other world that I'd left behind of a good friend, professional development, and conversations about incredibly serious subjects. Even though our conversations were about the beauty and frustrations of our daily realities, she got me through and focused on something else in more way than one. With Granny, not talking to her on the phone was never an option, as she wouldn't have had it any other way. My move to the south was difficult for her as she'd gotten used to my steady visits and companionship, so throughout my time in Louisiana I knew the expectation existed that I would talk to her on the phone every week or at least twice a month. Even now when I argue that she gets to see me at least every other week, she gives me a hard time that now that I live in Oregon she technically hears from me less. ;)
But throughout this week and last...I've been thinking of how important those phone conversations were to me. As much as I like the fact that I can quickly find out what I need to know via a text message rather a conversation, there is something to be said for the importance in actually letting someone know that you care by making an actual call. And I actually might argue that in some ways my relationships were more meaningful with many of my friends before text messaging and facebook, when we only had phone calls or a real email to maintain communication. So I'm hoping to bring back the phone call. Now don't worry, I'm not going to get all crazy and call all of y'all up all the time, but I AM going to make it a goal to actually a) communicate more by phone calls and b) to check in more with people to actually let them know that I care. I find myself missing the real details of people's lives.
I don't expect to ever love talking on the phone again, but I also can say that in the last week I've chatted on the phone twice with my gal and seriously got more out of it than I ever would have via text message. Although my apologies to her and all others as I do have serious awkwardness with starting and ending phone calls ie a) I never give a proper introduction but instead launch into my string of thoughts that led me to calling without the proper how are you? etc and b) I have a horrible habit of just deciding I'm done talking and ending the conversation. Case in point: today I suddenly realized late conversation that I stunk from my evening run with the hub so instead of appropriately getting to a goodbye point with my gal, I just interjected "Hey, I smell, I need to shower." Great right? Even hub laughed and told me I'm horribly awkward at getting off the phone.
So what do you say though? Care to actually use those monthly cell phone minutes with me and let people know that you care? :)
Ironically, back in the days of ol' high school, the phone was forever attached to my ear. I'd yak at whatever long term boyfriend I had at the time for hours on end and then I might yak at a gal pal or two to discuss just what was said between the boyfriend and me. Oh the days.....and what a waste of time and youthful energy!
I'm pretty sure it comes down to two things that established my hate relationship with the phone. 1) Pay usage. 2) The rise of the internet. And okay, I lied...there's a third, the rise of the unlimited text message....but this came much later.
My first experience with real pay usage occurred during a year spent studying abroad in Argentina. It cost per minute for me to make local calls and it was an arm & leg on both ends for me to talk to my family at home in the United States. Since I didn't want to pay to use the phone, I instead relied on the internet and rise of email (two thumbs up to internet cafes!) to keep in touch with family and friends back in the States. In all truth, I talked to my parents three times on the phone that year and I made one other call to a good buddy of mine as well.
My use of the internet as my main means of connection continued when I was in college, as that's how I continued to check in with family and friends. My freshman college roommate talked to her mom daily on the phone, but I still just checked in with Dad via email for the most part. By this point, I had my first cell phone, but even when I had a long-distance college boyfriend I was incredibly vigilant of how many minutes I had available and how many had been used. And I also remember late night conversations staying on the phone even though I really didn't want to---somehow my year abroad had erased any desire to "waste time" chatting. The beauty of the internet is that you can say what you need to say (and sometimes what you can't say in person or via the phone) and allow the person to respond when it's convenient for them.
So I suppose I should also call this my ode to two people: my gal Nancy (who is also an avid blog reader but just never comments!) and Granny, as they've put up with my phone awkwardness and left me with the reality that a phone call can be a positive relationship builder. I should also give a shout-out to hub at this point in my confessional as well, although hopefully this will be one post he overlooks in his reading. ;) Anyone that knows hub and I knows that the first 6 months of our relationship/marriage we were constantly attached to our phones as we weren't located in the same state. You generally could find us either engaging in non-stop texting (hence my introduction to the need for unlimited texting and here I offer a big shout out of apology to my dearest friends who put up with this at the time....) and/or a nightly phone call when hub wasn't working. Hub always liked to check in before we went to sleep and even though talking on the phone wasn't always my favorite, I went along with it to keep our communication and connection going. (Although much in his favor, he did also introduce me to the webcam which I liked much better than the phone, but now always find awkward to use with most other people.....)
But anyway...back to my gal and granny. During my 1.5-2 years in Louisiana, my gal and granny were my most regular phone communicators back home and whether any of us realized it at the time, the consistent communication that I had with both of them got me through some pretty hard and lonely moments. Now I'm not going to say that it was always easy for them to get me on the phone, but what I will say is that more than anyone else they both made sure that phone communication happened. My gal always checked in via text to see when I might be available but the monthly-to-every-six-weeks phone conversation forced me to talk about my reality honestly while also brought me back into the other world that I'd left behind of a good friend, professional development, and conversations about incredibly serious subjects. Even though our conversations were about the beauty and frustrations of our daily realities, she got me through and focused on something else in more way than one. With Granny, not talking to her on the phone was never an option, as she wouldn't have had it any other way. My move to the south was difficult for her as she'd gotten used to my steady visits and companionship, so throughout my time in Louisiana I knew the expectation existed that I would talk to her on the phone every week or at least twice a month. Even now when I argue that she gets to see me at least every other week, she gives me a hard time that now that I live in Oregon she technically hears from me less. ;)
But throughout this week and last...I've been thinking of how important those phone conversations were to me. As much as I like the fact that I can quickly find out what I need to know via a text message rather a conversation, there is something to be said for the importance in actually letting someone know that you care by making an actual call. And I actually might argue that in some ways my relationships were more meaningful with many of my friends before text messaging and facebook, when we only had phone calls or a real email to maintain communication. So I'm hoping to bring back the phone call. Now don't worry, I'm not going to get all crazy and call all of y'all up all the time, but I AM going to make it a goal to actually a) communicate more by phone calls and b) to check in more with people to actually let them know that I care. I find myself missing the real details of people's lives.
I don't expect to ever love talking on the phone again, but I also can say that in the last week I've chatted on the phone twice with my gal and seriously got more out of it than I ever would have via text message. Although my apologies to her and all others as I do have serious awkwardness with starting and ending phone calls ie a) I never give a proper introduction but instead launch into my string of thoughts that led me to calling without the proper how are you? etc and b) I have a horrible habit of just deciding I'm done talking and ending the conversation. Case in point: today I suddenly realized late conversation that I stunk from my evening run with the hub so instead of appropriately getting to a goodbye point with my gal, I just interjected "Hey, I smell, I need to shower." Great right? Even hub laughed and told me I'm horribly awkward at getting off the phone.
So what do you say though? Care to actually use those monthly cell phone minutes with me and let people know that you care? :)
2 comments:
I hear ya about the phone. I talk on it a lot less just due to my lack of privacy, if I'm at home. Sometimes it is so comforting and encouraging to hear someone's voice. When I struggled with really bad anxiety that was the one lifeline I had-- if I could just hear someone's voice I would feel better. Now that time has marched on and that's no longer an issue, I use texting for at least 90% of my communication. The rest of that 10% is actual phone calls, emails and maybe a few hand written notes.
The part about ending the conversation made me laugh! Ending them can be pretty tricky sometimes. haha
Anyway- I love that you're going to try to use the phone more! :)
I'm not a huge fan of phone calls either. I'm good enough at it but most of the time I find its ring to be an interruption.
I still prefer a good handwritten letter over any other form of long distance communication. I do admit to getting more out of talk than an e-mail though...
We'll have to chat sometime and be awkward together.
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