Last weekend the wife down the road stepped into my kitchen for brunch and remarked that I was like a whole new person in two weeks time. My hair was a slightly bit longer (2011 Goal is not to cut it except for trims), my newly prescribed glasses were being worn, and I had skinny jeans on my legs ending in knee-high leather boots. After not seeing each other in two weeks, I did have a few new items which all happened to land in the same period of time...however I don't know that at that moment I felt any different.
I've already written recently about trying to avoid the stress of the upcoming move. Some of the worries I have, of course, pertain to potential alterations of relationships. As my husband and I change based on our occupational roles, financial situation, and physical location, those changes will likely create alterations to our relationship. Additionally, my family and friends have never had the opportunity really to know my husband and have head minimal ability to know the ways that I have changed (and vice versa) over the last two years. As amazing as I know it will be to again be surrounded by those I care about and love, the whole reintegration does impart some apprehension as well.
Then this week the hub has attempted twice to engage me in conversation about what it is that I want out of the next few years. This is the type of conversation that has not overly existed for the last year and a half, and it's amazing how not thinking about these big questions during the course of the last year leave me unable to answer this question. In fact, leaves me constantly changing the subject so I don't have to think about what might be the answers to these questions. Two years ago I would have said I wanted to have some land, a garden, and some sheep while working part-time....but do those wishes still define who I am today?
Rather over the course of the last two years, I have read less of the legit news and begun to believe that yahoo truly does report headlines. I speak more about Hollywood and TV than I do about political regimes, social issues, and sustainability. I've come to seriously love working full-time. I enjoy driving a car, I've bought skinny jeans, and I even have Softsoap for hand soap in my kitchen. Sure, we still hang most our clothes on the line, I pick plastics out of the garbage to put in recycling, and I send a monthly donation to a charity of my choice, but somehow over the course of the Louisiana me I've maybe begun to try a little less. Although the verdict is still out whether or not I care any less....or if I'm just disillusioned with how much is still left to do in order to create a equitable, sustainable economy and lifestyle. At some point, I stopped wanting to always be singled out as the public health, hippy nicknamed gal.
And so here I am, maybe more stressing about the transformations that have passed and those we will pass through in the coming month, rather than the actual details of the move. I can tell you that I had a slight glimmer the other day when I heard the hub ask me if we can renew my old Mother Earth subscription upon the return to Oregon....but there are still many steps to take back toward a sustainable direction...and back toward discovery of what I want to keep from this part of me, what I'll want to reintegrate from the me of before, and in what direction would I actually like to head.
Ironically for someone who used to think deeply all the time, it sure seems like I actually have some thinking I need to do ahead....
I've already written recently about trying to avoid the stress of the upcoming move. Some of the worries I have, of course, pertain to potential alterations of relationships. As my husband and I change based on our occupational roles, financial situation, and physical location, those changes will likely create alterations to our relationship. Additionally, my family and friends have never had the opportunity really to know my husband and have head minimal ability to know the ways that I have changed (and vice versa) over the last two years. As amazing as I know it will be to again be surrounded by those I care about and love, the whole reintegration does impart some apprehension as well.
Then this week the hub has attempted twice to engage me in conversation about what it is that I want out of the next few years. This is the type of conversation that has not overly existed for the last year and a half, and it's amazing how not thinking about these big questions during the course of the last year leave me unable to answer this question. In fact, leaves me constantly changing the subject so I don't have to think about what might be the answers to these questions. Two years ago I would have said I wanted to have some land, a garden, and some sheep while working part-time....but do those wishes still define who I am today?
Rather over the course of the last two years, I have read less of the legit news and begun to believe that yahoo truly does report headlines. I speak more about Hollywood and TV than I do about political regimes, social issues, and sustainability. I've come to seriously love working full-time. I enjoy driving a car, I've bought skinny jeans, and I even have Softsoap for hand soap in my kitchen. Sure, we still hang most our clothes on the line, I pick plastics out of the garbage to put in recycling, and I send a monthly donation to a charity of my choice, but somehow over the course of the Louisiana me I've maybe begun to try a little less. Although the verdict is still out whether or not I care any less....or if I'm just disillusioned with how much is still left to do in order to create a equitable, sustainable economy and lifestyle. At some point, I stopped wanting to always be singled out as the public health, hippy nicknamed gal.
And so here I am, maybe more stressing about the transformations that have passed and those we will pass through in the coming month, rather than the actual details of the move. I can tell you that I had a slight glimmer the other day when I heard the hub ask me if we can renew my old Mother Earth subscription upon the return to Oregon....but there are still many steps to take back toward a sustainable direction...and back toward discovery of what I want to keep from this part of me, what I'll want to reintegrate from the me of before, and in what direction would I actually like to head.
Ironically for someone who used to think deeply all the time, it sure seems like I actually have some thinking I need to do ahead....
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