Confessions and Positives

Oh how I've thought about writing on the blog the last few weeks. However I've mainly been pondering what to write. It's not that I haven't thought about "green" topics or social justice issues, but I think really I've just been living in a few weeks of self-absorption. Sort of makes me feel like I need confessional to repent all the ways I've been avoiding thinking about the larger picture. Yet in this period of new love, in this period of just trying to get out of school, in this period of getting ready to move and all the changes, I've just been trying to put my head down and get through it all. However isn't that we all do? Isn't that what makes us forget those little moments of random beauty and unusual kindness to strangers? Isn't that what makes us forget the joys that are present in everyday life and putting relationship with others first?

So I think I've been struggling to write (maybe even for months now) because I don't know just how authentically I feel that I am living. I'm still me yes, but I sort of feel inhibited to live how I'd like to be living. And ever so slightly I've gotten sucked back into society, which means I drive more than I'd like to lately, I've been buying new clothes for my move south, I'm looking into purchasing new furniture for my husband and myself, I've been eating out more again with my friends as I prepare to leave them, I've started drinking pop and eating more sugar to give me "energy," I'm less present in my relationships with others, I haven't been cleaning with my baking soda and vinegar, I'm not planting anything for this summer, and I really haven't been doing much home cooking either.

Although if there's one thing I've taken away from reading fellow blogs and the supportive comments of everyone, it's that I shouldn't beat myself up too much. Simplicity is an ever changing process and individuals must meet it where they currently are, so I suppose "where I am" has changed over the last couple of years. I recognize that my head, heart, and other actions are still more into these movements than the majority of the rest of the population, but at times it's just disheartening to not be where I would like to be.

On some positive notes, my internship is plugging along well and it's nice to be contributing something in a way that I know will create positive change. I've really been enjoying the vibrant greens, flowering trees, and scattered flowers of spring! Spring just sort of lets us know that change is happening and the height of summer is on its way! I've been excited to hear the variety of guest speakers in my minority health course talking about the different health and cultural experiences they've had and the way cultural competency has been changing in a positive light over the last twenty years. We finally submitted the article for publishing that we've been working on for my job. Plans are coming together for the June move and I was able to find a farmer's market in a town about an hour away (so at least I know that sustainability is creeping in). I will be flying down to visit my husband and complete some paperwork (including getting health insurance!) the end of this month---it'll be nice to actually see where I will be living also. And I've been trying to soak up as many experiences as possible with my friends and family before I head south, as I know I won't see them much over the next couple of years. So although I'm not exactly where I'd like to be, I guess I just need to realize that at this point I need to be okay with that and just look forward to the next chapter that is coming along.

I hope each of you had a blessed Easter and that you have a great week ahead!