Change in Perspective

How I get so far into my own little world I will never know....but it happens much more than I would like. I can blame it on the city, I can blame it on grad school, I can blame it on changing relationships...but in reality I know that I only have myself to blame when wondering how I have let myself become so self-absorbed in moments.

When I first started this blog, I felt an almost daily peaceful settling feeling upon my soul. I felt my connection to the outside world. I felt my connection to nature and to others--and wondered what I could do every day to make this place, this world, this planet a better place for all of us who live here. Yet, somehow the events, the changes, the time over the last two years has slowly but surely had me moving away from that mindset. I've blogged multiple times about how hard it is for me to live as a member of mainstream society and not lose the perspective that I hold most dear...and wish others would hold dear as well. But I also can't blame other people for not being able to extend themselves to the world, when I obviously can't focus long enough to do it myself either.

The last two to three weeks have been incredibly full and stressful due to midterms, relationship revelations, and work obligations. Yet at the culmination of it all, it made me stop and think....about how far away I have gotten from where I want to be, about how much I have allowed things to overwhelm me, and about how much I have begun to take for granted. This life that I have; the doors that have opened in my life educationally and professionally; the individuals in my life who are so supportive, patient, and loving; the fact that I have a job period; the roof over my head and the housemate who resides here; the full drawers of food in my fridge; my bills that are covered through budgeting; my car that functions; the multitude of items hanging in my closet; the health that I have been able to maintain; the freedoms and privileges that I am given due to living in this nation and in my demographic category; the future that looks so promising; and I could go on.

Somehow someway I'd stopped thinking of those individuals in the movie Blood Diamond being forced apart from their families, forced to fight before they're old enough to understand, forced to watch family and friends be killed, forced to endure violence upon them for no apparent reason. (And all while people like me, walk around oblivious to their struggle.) Somehow someway I'd forgotten what it must be like to have been abused as a child, struggle with a mental disorder or addiction, and live in the harshest and loneliest of conditions on the streets. Somehow someway I'd forgotten what it felt like to go through life from paycheck to paycheck hoping to God that I didn't get in an accident or get sick, that my car didn't break down, that gas wouldn't go up in price another 10 cents so I could still afford groceries.

And so here I am saying that I really need and have been needing....a CHANGE IN PERSPECTIVE. One of things I actually resonated with during Obama's inauguration speech was the fact that he placed it upon all of us to step up to the plate, to be willing to sacrifice for our nation in a way we maybe never have had to before, and to face the difficulties ahead of us ready for a change...for the better. Two days ago I wrote the word perspective up on the mirror in my room in eyeliner. For the last two days I have done better at maintaining perspective. Now I'm just trying to figure out how I can get back to re-integrating a larger care for the world. While I still make positive daily actions, I'd like to have back the attitude that goes with it also.

So bear with me as I attempt this change in perspective. I keep hoping that streamlining my life after graduation is going to take care of part of it, but I also know that will bring new challenges and transitions in its own right. Guess this is my newest large goal. ;-)

Hope everyone is enjoying a beautiful week wherever you are located!