I called my sister tonight. It was one of those phone calls when I needed advice, to vent, and just to double check whether or not I'd still be feeling this same way about things ten years down the road. Besides being blessed with a fabulous sister as a person, I also appreciate that by the time I was born she was a teenager with a head start on life which gives her years of thoughts and experience to lend when I request it. However she also mentioned that I'd been rather quiet on my blog lately and that she wondered where my thoughts were.....
So here they are:
At times I feel like I could settle for a little vacation from life so tonight I'm taking just for me. I'm not going to research for my overwhelming class, I'm not going to stress about the fact that I've hardly had time to research for my other classes, I'm not going to wonder about what made me feel so weak and dizzy this morning that I had to stay in bed for an additional amount of time, I'm not going to think about the frustrations I have with some of the individuals in my life or my inability to create opportunities where none currently exist or about the opportunities that exist but I don't want to take, I'm not going to think about the pattern in my life of feeling like the grass is always greener even though I know I should enjoy today, I'm not going to to think about tomorrow or next week or six months or a year from now, and I'm not going to worry about how when I begin to live more assertively academically it's harder for me to hold on to some of the values that I feel are even more important to me.
Lately many people have been telling me that the next five years of my life is a time when I will discover what I'm truly about and will form the values and opinions for the next 20 or so years of my life. But I can't help but wonder...then what were the last over analyzing 15 years all about? :-)
But I digress, tonight I'm closing my laptop before midnight, I'm crawling into bed, and I'm reading something that I truly want to read....all just for me. I'll worry about the rest of life tomorrow and until then I'll try my darnest to really focus on all the blessings that truly exist in my life. For even in periods of frustration I know that under it all I'm lucky to have the life that I do. And maybe I will take my granny's advice after all and just let myself be "a little batty."
1 comment:
I hope you are feeling a little better by now. I related very well to your post. As a natural-born worrier, my best advice to you is one that's taken me years to learn and inculcate. It is to live life in the moment. The past is for pleasant memories but not to beat yourself over. The future is exciting but will take care of itself. And the present, this present, is what life is all about --- and where are focus should remain. Success to you on your life journey!
BTW, my best friend is a nursing instructor who completed her Master's in Nursing Ed a year or two ago. It was SO MUCH work! Grad school is always challenging --- but there is an end and then life will have a more even flow. Hang in there!
LaTeaDah
PS: Best friend is applying for a neat job at OHSU. I hope she gets it!
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