A (Non Campus) Day in the Life

I've been itching to be more creative lately, hence a visual representation of life....as I experience it. Coffee, breakfast sandwich, morning news/emails/blog check. Open all the blinds and water the starts in the boxes. Finish part 2 of my book for fun. Trying to figure out what to wear-revert back to this after studying.

Have I mentioned lately I hate taking out the trash & recycling? This is two weeks worth-pretty good, huh? After this imagine stopping to meet & chat with the new apartment manager. From scratch, a vegan spinach pie. Imagine washing dishes and a phone call to the Financial Aid office and taking care of some business online. Repeat the below picture for several hours (although add in several tea making excursions).

This is my brain deciding I need a break...begin walking excursion.
The view from the park up the street.

Add in a trip down the dirty slide and walking through the mud. But you're never to old to revisit the fun of childhood.

This is me trying to explore different photo techniques. Multiply this fountain from different views by about 15. Add a walk on the ledge around it, washing my shoes off w/in it, and an appreciation of the Sacajawea statute in the background. The city that I've come to love. This is from the bridge I spied down the street all of the sudden. I'd been wondering how to get it....(P.S. See the MAX?) And this is where it started messing up on uploading pictures, add in a walk home over the gorgeous old bridge, admiring old brick architecture, and meeting a squirrel. Oh yea and the random sand dollar I discovered against a statue (remember how I said sand-dollars seem to appear as a sign that life is in order when I'm at the beach...?).

After this, loop back to the studying on the love seat, eating dinner, making a phone call to family, revert back to this picture, add in a shower--and that's a photo journey through a non-campus day in the life of....yours truly. Simple and satisfying---if only I could transmit sounds and smells as well. :-)

Motivation Vs Trust

I am on campus early this morning, as the campus club I am a part of was hosting a panel discussion for "Careers in Aging" week. One of the things I took away from the panelists was the fact that life sort of has a way of unfolding in its own way. Each of the panelists came to the field of gerontology through very different yet similar paths. Each panelist discussed her idea of blending all of the interests of her life into one general employment opportunity. But each panelist also believes in the fluidity of life that is currently present within the world of employment.

This is something that I have thought of frequently and have written about before in terms of the broad questions about what one is "planning" to do with one's life. In fact, I was asked the question this morning of "what I plan to do after graduation." It always seems to surprise people when I saw that I'm not entirely sure and that I believe the right door will open. With such broad interests and experiences, I feel that through multiple open doors I will be able to eventually rise to the challenge.

....Which I feel is sort of ironic because it's very infrequently that I feel as motivated as I did as an undergrad. Upon graduation from my undergrad I felt I could do anything to change the world. I won't get into the two things that made that change, but in many ways I feel much happier to not feel quite as pressured. Although all the while, I wonder which is the better way to operate in the world. I'm beginning to believe though that there are periods of ebb and flow in one's life. Sometimes we need time to rejuvenate and to observe from more of a distance so that when the right opportunity arises we have the strength and vitality to rise to the occasion. I do not doubt my abilities-just sometimes I feel that I do not desire in this moment to use them to their full potential. However I often wonder...is that right or wrong?

When I so strongly believe that we all should be doing as much as we can for the benefit of each other and the world, is it right for me to continue to take a mini-reprieve? Sometimes I find it ironic that I consider grad school in many ways to be just that--a reprieve from the realities of the world. Although when called, I feel I will be capable of stepping up. And it never fails to amuse me that each time I attempt to get more deeply into the rat race of participation--something blocks that same participation. So I suppose for me it's trust.....

Just as in this exact moment, I am feeling an immense sense of just that..trust. That I am where I am supposed to be...doing what I am supposed to be doing. And that I just need to continue to search, seek guidance, and trust as the doors become open....even amongst the periods of doubt.

May you all be blessed with a remarkable day!

Changes....

Beautiful weather on Saturday. The city came out of the woodwork and it only made me realize how packed my neighborhood and downtown will be in the heat of summer. I had the best of intentions to focus on school work and other things over the weekend, but spent most of it connecting to other people. I love hearing other people's stories as you get to know them.

Had a bit of an apprehensive week as we waited for some test results from a family member, but instead were blessed with good news in two different forms. Needless to say some of the apprehension of the week transferred over to my thoughts during the weekend. Along with conversation from one of my newer friends who is great at getting me to be even more pensive. ;-) We talked about truly living our values, and that if every individual would truly live by what they believe in the world would be a much better place. For example if everyone who believes in compassion lived every single moment acting by it, think of how incredible that would be!

This conversation occurred in conjunction with many thoughts about how much I've changed in the past six six months. We are always changing as people, but sometimes I feel it can be exhausting. Especially when I'm consistently questioning whether or not these changes measure up to my values and at times I'm not so sure.....something I need to be working on. But in periods of confusion I often think of how lucky I am to have the freedom to even think about these things. I am so blessed in my life and instead I should focus on that and work on ways to benefit the lives of others.

So today I'm going to list a few of the things I feel blessed by:
-the bird that shared it's song with me at the crack of dawn
-pretty decent new neighbors
-green spaces in the city
-the gorgeous weather of the weekend
-the rain that occurred today
-good news about my father
-good news about my brother
-new supportive friendships
-forgiveness from old friends
-supportive best friends
-smiles
-time
-starts in my window boxes
-walking all around the city
-healing of blisters
-patience

I will continue to work toward a better future although sometimes that requires re-alignment. And you might notice a few physical changes to the blog as I find things that I think currently more authentically represent me.

Drive Time Realizations

On my drive back north today I experienced three events worthy of note.

1) I realized for the zillionth time that people forget to turn their headlights on when it's raining and/or overcast. Now, being an Oregonian, I realize that we feel pretty comfortable in rain. We walk, run, play in it, and we drive the regular speed limit too. However if there's one pet peeve I've begun to have it's the fact that half the cars I drive by or behind on the highway/freeway do not turn their lights on in the rain. It inhibits passing, decreases driver safety, and it also decreases visibility of the cars up ahead when the rain gets heavier. Is it really that difficult to turn the headlights on along with the wipers? I counted 25 cars without lights on in the rain in about 40 miles. Then I realized it was futile to continue counting....

2) It's sad when so many negative events have caused us to lose faith in humanity. There were two young, fairly clean shaven guys about my age at the rest stop where I stopped on the interstate who were trying to catch a ride up to Portland. I responded honestly that yes I was going to end up there, but that no I wouldn't take them. They were completely fine about it and really seemed like decent guys, but being a fairly young, somewhat attractive, single female--I wasn't going to take the chance. Too many horror stories. As I got back on the freeway I kept trying to imagine how it would have been possible to have taken them along--after all it is more environmentally friendly to share my car trip and I'm sure they would have had some entertaining stories. But beyond making them empty out their hiking packs, pockets, and strip--I really couldn't come up with any other options. But how sad that faith in humanity is so low that we are inhibited to take care of others...although I have a feeling someone else probably got them to where they needed to go. And besides....who doesn't buy a bus or plane ticket these days?

3) There were TONS of sheep in the fields along both the highway and the interstate that I drove along. Made me rethink whether there would even be a need for me to have sheep some day! But the thing I noticed the most was that in one stretch of hundreds of sheep, the fields were located directly next to a mill. I could smell in the air a funky unhealthy smell as I drove past this stretch and could only feel for the poor little sheep that are breathing this in all day. And then it dawned on me---so these sheep breath in these chemicals-many of which probably can be deposited within the cells of the sheep which in turn are eaten through meat or milk by humans or passed on to cute baby sheep. Bioaccumulation before my very eyes......hmmm.....

P.S. One of my favorite artists is India.Arie and this song from her album Testimony, Vol 1., just like almost every other time I've heard it, stuck out at me today and definitely adheres to so much of what I talk about here on this blog. The lyrics came from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/indiaarie/thereshope.html:

INDIA.ARIE LYRICS"There's Hope"
[Verse 1:]Back when I had a little
I thought that I needed a lot
A little was over rated,
but a lot was a little too complicated
You see-Zero didn't satisfy me
A million didn't make me happy
That's when I learned a lesson
That it's all about your perception
Hey-are you a pauper or a superstar
So you act, so you feel, so you are
It ain't about the size of your car
It's about the size of the faith in your heart

[Chorus:]There's hope
It doesn't cost a thing to smile
You don't have to pay to laugh
You better thank God for that[repeat]
There's hope

[Verse 2:]Off in the back country of Brazil
I met a young brother that made me feel
That I could accomplish anything.
You see just like me he wanted to sing
He had no windows and no doors
He lived a simple life and was extremely poor
On top of all of that he had no eye sight,
but that didn't keep him from seein' the light
He said, what's it like in the USA, and all I did was complain
He said-livin' here is paradise
He taught me paradise is in your mind
You know that
[Chorus]

[Bridge:]Every time I turn on the T.V. (There's Hope)
Somebody's acting crazy (There's Hope)
If you let it, it will drive you crazy (There's Hope)
but I'm takin' back my power today (There's Hope)
Gas prices they just keep on rising (There's Hope)
The government they keep on lying
but we gotta keep on surviving
Keep living our truth and do the best we can do

[Chorus]
Stand up for your rights [echo]
Keep shining your light [echo]
And show the world your smile [echo]
[Chorus]

A Lil' Weekend Back at "Home"

It's my mother's birthday today so I wanted to come spend the weekend with my parents on the coast. I had not made the trip since the month I was here in December and had multiple mixed thoughts about coming back down. However once I smelled the first bits of the salty air and walked through the front door to my father's exclamation of my "finally being home," I felt the trip was worth it. It's incredible how much that salt air relaxs me!

Some of the highlights from the trip thus far have been:
-doing laundry in the parent's new energy saving washer
-hanging my sheets on the line to dry (they still smell fabulous!)
-watching baseball games on TV with my father
-dad's "home cooked" meals
-lap swimming in the community pool w/ my former students as my life guards
-incredibly deep sleep under mounds of covers (again a product of that fabulous salt air)
-the feeling of time being slow even though it moves so quickly
-watching the birds on the feeders in the backyard
-having mom alter my shirts/tanks so that they fit better (no need to buy new!)
-tea time w/ dad
-watching dad's enjoyment in being able to use my car again
-going out to dinner for mom's bday to our favorite chinese restaurant
-making healthy apple cobbler for mom for her bday treat (she's suffering from being pre-diabetic)
-and pretty much just having them put up with my same old doomsday greeny lectures and insights! (although dad is saying that I have a point)

Hope you all have been enjoying a wonderful weekend!

Bleeding Hearts

Yesterday I had one of those moments when my soul jumped into my heart and it took everything I could do not to let my eyes tear up. On my walk to campus, I almost always take the same route that takes me toward the heart of downtown before walking up to campus through the park blocks. However a couple blocks shy of the park blocks, I noticed a gathering of men in suits hovering outside the door of an artistic, non-profit agency. It was then that I noticed the man clutching his side, laying on the ground in the entry way with his back to the building. He was wearing a flimsy T-shirt, jeans, and high-top shoes. He was unshaven and unwashed. And he was clutching a carry-out box of spaghetti, the contents of which had spilled upon him-presumably as he fell to the ground. And amongst all of this, the only words coming out of his mouth were "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." He repeated this statement over and over, while the men in suits radio-ed to try to get somebody to help this man.

It was this scene and those words that punctured my heart. Everyone falls, everyone has needs, everyone has moments when they've hit rock bottom. To me it doesn't matter if this man was on drugs or potentially an alcoholic, I feel that we are all responsible for each other regardless of the multiple independent behavioral choices we make. You are human, I am human-thus we have much in common. As I continued my walk, I wondered if I could have done anything in that moment to help that man. I had cash, but that wouldn't have helped. He had food. He had "help" on the way. The men in suits started offering words of assurance to the gentleman once they saw the look of compassion upon my face. The only thing I could do I felt was offer a prayer for the gentleman laying in desperation.

I couldn't help but wonder what may have the led the man to this point in his life. (These are the things I do-I ponder, analyze, and wonder pretty much all the time.) Could he have been a veteran? He looked about the right age and many of our men and women in need are veterans whom the current system is unable to support. Could he be a sufferer of a mental illness stuck in a cycle of no insurance, unemployment, and a broken mental health system? Could he have been a "survivor" of childhood emotional, physical, or sexual abuse who escaped to the streets at a young age and had never left?

While I will probably never know the answers to my questions, this gentleman will remain on my mind and my heart for years to come. I will never forget many of the homeless individuals who I have encountered over the years on these streets, who work their way into my heart, and who make me recognize how easily any of us could be in similiar shoes. These are the individuals who make me hope so strongly in the power of human compassion and in the ability for change to be implemented eventually within our nation and within the world.

If we would stop looking at each other as "other" and instead recognize that we are all the same---what a world of difference we could create. Sometimes it starts in the simple things and gratitude can be given for the tiniest of things. While I couldn't do anything for the man yesterday, today when I was stopped by a gentleman sitting on the street, I was reminded to look him directly in the eye, smile, and tell him that although I didn't have cash I definitely hoped he had a good day. His double take, smile, and thanks in return are all that I needed to know that the smallest of steps really do matter. May we all be reminded of the interrelatedness of humanity and take the smallest and largest of steps to demonstrate human compassion. I hope you all and the gentleman from yesterday are especially blessed today....